Peace again Miss_Noland
I need to admit one thing and that is I thought you were probably here to create problems but I was mistaken and it seems that you are genuine. Please excuse me for that.
Regarding divorce … She may divorce him without his consent if she raises the divorce through a trial. It is true that the man can divorce his wife without going to trial over it, however, the lawyers do get involved in any case.
A man is not allowed to ‘beat’ his wife … it is not something that he should be doing at all. If she is unfaithful/disloyal then one ‘tap’ is allowed to remind her as a last resort even if she then does not come to her senses then divorce on good terms is the next step. If a man beats his wife on a regular basis then he is going against that verse you quoted earlier.
So if she is going through ‘pain’ then she has complete grounds to leave him, she will not be legally divorced but she can leave him anytime and the divorce will take place in trial, just like in a secular court.
Islam teaches us to come to terms with gender difference. We are not enemies of each other. Rather men and women are made for one another as companions. We should be happy about that not MEN this or WOMEN that because when a person speaks this way it is clear that they are not content with their own position in the society they currently live in with the rights they currently have. If secular western society was so amicable to women then why is this society breeding the most reactionary feminism? It proves that there is a problem. Islam hopefully will make us deal with our difference, and it does not try to make us the same, yet it does show us how we can all get our fair share of justice so there is no need for people to stand up for their rights because they are already getting them.
As for why men can do verbal divorce and women divorce by trial only, I can only give personal experience and that is not saying much but here is my reason. I believe if verbal divorce was in the hands of women as well then we would have many more divorces, and hence many more opportunities for men not to be tolerant with their women and go and seek other women to wed and bed. Sorry for the crudeness but that is it. Women in my experience will utter the words ‘divorce’ more readily and will themselves suffer if they say it. If they are mothers, they say ‘I divorce you’ because husband didn’t do something then they are left with the kids to raise. Even if it was not psychology by having two sets of people who can utter divorce, by probability alone ‘divorce’ will increase. Divorce is actually frowned upon in Islam.
When in a sensitive situation men tend to heighten in their rational faculties and women in their emotional ones. Men see memories as past events however, women tend to relive their memories every time they recall them. It is to do with a physical difference in the brains. Of course Allah (SWT) knows us better than we know ourselves.