this came in weekly magazine.
how many of you agree that this is the right reason to break off the engagement?
Should I break my engagement?
**Dear Guru,
**I am a medical student and I study in a reputable medical college. As I am the only daughter, I am the centre of every one’s attention in my family. My parents and my brothers have been very affectionate towards me. I am engaged to my khala’s son. She has wanted me to become her daughter-in-law since my school days. My parents arranged this engagement but now that I am engaged, they are regretting their decision. They want to break it up as they have realised that their decision was wrong. Actually, the problem is that my fiancé is a regular guy; he is plain looking and is a simple graduate. On the other hand, I am quite beautiful and brainy and am going to become a doctor. First I accepted this proposal because of my parents but now I am also having second thoughts. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with a person who does not match my calibre. I am very tensed. My mother is reluctant in taking this step because of her sister. She thinks that it will be cruel on her part. Guru, if we break this engagement then our whole ‘khandan’ will point fingers at us and if we don’t then I will have to compromise a lot. What should I do?
**Super Girl **
Dear Super Girl,
I think you should have refused his proposal before you got engaged but you accepted your parents’ decision like an obedient daughter. However, the good point is that your parents are re-considering their decision. Now, this time you must raise your voice as destiny has given you a unique chance to make this important decision of your life; so grab this opportunity and talk to your parents about it. Tell them you were not very happy before and you have no issues if they break this engagement. Don’t worry about ‘khandan’. They will talk for some time and then they will forget about it. I think your mother should consider your happiness rather than her sister’s. Hope, she will not make it an ego issue. Actually, engagement has no legal value. People usually get engaged to see whether they are suitable for each other or not. If they are fine with the union they go for marriage and if they feel they are not compatible they part ways. It is as simple. So don’t feel guilty. Remember, this is your life and you have every right to choose your life partner; after all it’s about your happiness. Good luck!
Re: is this the right reason to break off engagement
Hmm these things should definitely be considered before engagement and not after but if the girl doesn’t think he is compatible (after giving him a fair chance) then she should break it off.
Re: is this the right reason to break off engagement
If she seriously thinks she won’t be able to make do with this guy, better brake it off now than regretting it after marriage.
It’s quite stupid on her part to not have considered this originally (since she is so smart to begin with). However, if she’s incapable of compromise and keeping her word, she shouldn’t ruin the guys life along with her own. Better hurt now for a little while than hurt for the rest of your life.
Re: is this the right reason to break off engagement
If her only reasons are that he’s “plain” and “only” a graduate then I’d say no. That’s not reason enough to break off the engagement. What about his personality? His character? His mental compatibility? To be honest she already thinks she’s better than him because she’s beautiful and brainy and about to become a doctor. He’d be better off without her.
Re: is this the right reason to break off engagement
Dumb as hell not to consider it first. But better to break it because no one wants to get stuck in an unwanted marriage especially the guy in this case.
Re: is this the right reason to break off engagement
Wasnt he plain and simple, and she beautiful and brainy when they got engaged? Or did this transformation happen overnight? Or maybe it dawned on them only after she got in a medical school.
Anyways, better to break it off now than to regret it later.
Re: is this the right reason to break off engagement
yes. break it off.
if you not comfortable, for watever reason, break it off. Its gonna sit in some noook or corner inside u, and then going to surface down the line and make sh!t hit the windmill.
Re: is this the right reason to break off engagement
Really messed up but yes end it if she is having such strong doubts but what she is doing is wrong, absolutely no justification for her behavior doesn’t matter how she rationalizes it to make herself feel better about it. Definitely should have considered all this before engagement, why string the guy along like that. The problem with girls is that they don’t know what they want. They confuse themselves so much it’s ridiculous, total mind f**k for the guy. Girls need to sit down, figure out what exactly they want in a life partner and in life in general, then think it over twice, then think it over forty more times, and then make a final decision but once the decision is made you girls need to stick with your decision. None of this BS confusion or “I’m not feeling it anymore” after years being with a guy. Girls can justify anything and everything to themselves to make them feel better about themselves to avoid any guilt. For the most part, only legit reasons to end a long term relationship should be if the partner is abusive or cheating on the partner, not because they think they can do better. There will always be better, but the grass is NOT greener on the other side, it’s greener where you nuture it.
Re: is this the right reason to break off engagement
Looking at my classmates, friends, and colleagues, the number of us brainy, intelligent, handsome doctors, that have married “simple and plain graduates” is astoundingly high.
What a loss.
Re: is this the right reason to break off engagement
She’d still have to “compromise” even if she married a guy of her calibre. And sometimes it can be more of a compromise if the there’s a lack of compatibility in things like values, priorities, personality, temperament etc etc. She didn’t say anything about her cousin-fiance’s character and her equation with him, so hopefully she and her parents will give these matters importance as well in the future. I wonder if this was one of those cases where the aunt may have pressured or really really insisted upon the rishta. The parents didn’t have a problem with the rishta in the beginning and neither did the girl. I wonder if people made remarks about the match “not being an equal one” that might have led to doubts later on…or maybe the parents themselves had a change of heart. It’s better to end the rishta if she and her parents can’t overlook the things that are bothering them. If she finds her cousin to be inferior to her, her contempt may show in her interactions with him and hurt the marriage. If she doesn’t end it, she’ll have to adjust the way she thinks and give it her best.
Re: is this the right reason to break off engagement
She should at least consider his character, personality and how he would be as a husband. Doesn’t mean if she finds a doctor he will make a good husband. After that, if she still feels that way then yes, break it off. The only harm would be baisti to the khala+family who will make it their life long mission to ruin hers.
Re: is this the right reason to break off engagement
what amazes me is that they want to break it off because the girl is now becoming a doctor and is more good looking. may be at the time of engagement she hadn’t started the med school and so they were okay with that proposal. this kind of shows how materialistic people have become.
.. I’ve the complete picture
