i hear alot of my aunts and cousins who boast that their husbands never let them go anywhere without him, or let them stay the night or go out alot with mates because he needs me at home…i would say this is controlling behaviour as typcial of man, but my aunts and cusins are sooo proud that their hubbies like to tell them where they can go and cant go and the females seem to think its because oh he can t live without me…nonsense…i did say well actually its more because they want their breakfast on table and shirts ironed not because they seem to be infatuated with u to the point that they cant let u out their sights…
anyway i find this odd, or atleast i would question my hubby if he told me couldnt go stay the night at cusins house without him, but my fellow female companions seem to proud that their husbands are like this…
Definitely possessive. But maybe my perspective is a bit skewed because my dad went to Russia for university and is most "westernised" than a lot of guys. He doesn't act like this towards my mom at all (she was born and raised in Pakistan).
Let them be...... if they're happy that way, who are you to burst their bubble?
They need something to boast about, let them... at least they're not complaining about it and are quite happy... be happy with other people's happiness :).
Yeah they have confused that for 'he cant live without me' behaviour. But infact its make my food, Keep the kids under control. And sort me out later. Goodnight wife!
The end.
That type of controlling behavior is not typical of men. If it's typical of anything, it's typical of an abusive person. You're right, this behavior is not because they care about the women, it's because they are defining their masculinity by how little work they have to do inside the home, and how much control they can assert over another human being. They associate domestic chores with submission/femininity, and find it demeaning to do it themselves.Furthermore, I would guess that they're the type of people that not only place their value on their dominance, but base their reputation/honor on it as well. It's a throwback to these highly patriarchal cultures where the less freedom females have, the more respectful the men are within their circles.
Now, a certain degree of concern is common and healthy in relationships-- wanting to know where their partner is going, who they're going with, etc. But what you're describing is clearly crossing the line of a healthy worry, and into the "I don't trust my partner to not screw up/I don't think my partner is intelligent enough to take care of themselves /I don't think my partner is smart enough to choose the right people to befriend/I think they may cheat, etc," domain.
These women that are "proud," of this type of attitude, are generally not well educated, and certainly not independent-- or able to be independent. Their pride is likely their way to deal with feeling helpless, or simply how their understanding of affection/caring has been warped and devolved into a play of power. If they've been socialized to view marriage as a master/servant relationship, then they'll judge how well it performs to that standard.
But in general, most people don't like being controlled and/or dominated. And the few that do, tend to be very downtrodden, or fetishists. I think we can safely assume which of the two categories most fall in.
Let them be...... if they're happy that way, who are you to burst their bubble?
They need something to boast about, let them... at least they're not complaining about it and are quite happy... be happy with other people's happiness :).
I'd disagree. When you see an injustice, if you do nothing about it, then you are aiding it. Even if they say they are proud of being treated like children, introduce them to the notion of equality in marriage. Sometimes, we make due with the situations we're forced into, and even try to change our perceptions as to make it less painful for us. If they refuse to listen, then let them--just as long as you refuse to become an accomplice to the maltreatment. But there is no pride, no value in any person being treated as lesser than another by default of sex/race/etc. And there is even less in a person seeing it happen, but refusing to do anything about it.
noorrrrr-these women are otherwise treated very well....stop thinking they being abused..only thing is their hubbies wont let them stay the night at anyones house.
SO is it okay if their hubby spends the night at someone elses house??
I think NOT!
If the husband isn't going to ask for his wife to be at home early, or not go out too much then who is he going to ask? As long as there is EQUAL control, it is safe to say they have a healthy relationship.
When you ignore them , they say ''you don't love me no more'' . When you give them attention , they say ''he is so freaken chipko'' . Women are the MOST confusing thing on earth .
Buddies controlling is if you wana go somewhere really bad and he doesn't let u go without any reasonable reasoning Or he is denying you of your basic human rights just to show his powers . Being authoritative is different and it can't be equal to controlling . Plus if wives are happy then there is no point feeling bad about them .
Uff oh... you ladies sometimes become such drama queens.
My dad was like that... he didn't like my mom spending the night at someone else's house and he also didn't spend nights out (except just once when he was sent abroad for training). We were also not allowed to stay overnight at cousins' or anyone else's house, he was very strict about that. Its just about principles ..... I'm sure he would have said okay if my mom insisted on staying at a cousin's place or something but she never did and except for one or two tantrums, we never cared that much about it....... there was no injustice... even my brother is not allowed to spend the night out (he's 21).
Ladies ... why must everything a desi man says be understood to have a negative connotation?? not everything a desi man does is meant to "control" their woman ....
sometimes its out of genuine love and concern ....
this not staying the night over business could simply be their way of saying that my nights and mornings are incomplete without you ... :)
I see it in my parents ... they've never been apart since their wedding ... Ever ... and are clearly (and obviously) lost without each other.
I find it endearing.
its the (desi) way they like to project themselves infront of others..... by doing this they get the credit of being very* Mazloom* and being very obedient at the same time....
Ladies ... why must everything a desi man says be understood to have a negative connotation?? not everything a desi man does is meant to "control" their woman ....
sometimes its out of genuine love and concern ....
this not staying the night over business could simply be their way of saying that my nights and mornings are incomplete without you ... :)
I see it in my parents ... they've never been apart since their wedding ... Ever ... and are clearly (and obviously) lost without each other.
I find it endearing.
Oh ok then, thinks,* My husband loves me so much, only I can do all the work, Because he is a king and I well i am his personal cleaner, Oh hes so obsessed with me, I love it*
