Re: Is this normal parental behavior?
Man even your siblings are being unsupportive? that really sucks.
im sorry I hope things get better for you.
It's okay. i feel like I'm making myself out to be the victim, but it's honestly just how it is in our family. We're the poster-children for why desis need counseling. There are some messed up family dynamics at works that I don't ever want to emulate in my own kids and I've been trying my best to keep those hidden from my fiance. He already doesn't understand what my parents are doing/thinking and he's equally confused by their interactions and behavior but he's letting it be for the time being.
it's so weird, for a culture that's desperate to get girls married off like ours, parents sure do act crazy
Yea. Tell me about it. For people that wanted me to get married so bad, they're doing an awfully good job of making me regret my decision. This was 100% with their approval; yeah my dad wasn't happy with it, but he got over it when we talked to him and he's been making all these plans himself. I shudder to think what would've happened had I brought him someone that didn't fit their checklist perfectly.
Maybe they are really worried about the log kya kahein gay aspect from their own community, relatives and they want to keep you looking as respectable as possible in case people do malign your character for choosing the guy yourself. You might not hear the comments but they'll probably hear a couple of veiled comments their way.
My parents too join the bipolar express when I'm making big decisions. My parents say no to something and then a couple of days later my mother tells me I should have protested more if I really wanted it.. wut? That pissed me off way more then my parents saying no.
Lowering your expectations is the only way forward. These little issues won't even be relevant when you get married.
Yeah I know the izzat thing is huge but with my parents I feel like it's become unnatural. They're already generally paranoid and adding this to the mix is bringing out the worst. If they don't want to do something, they should just say it so I know. I was against giving my fiance a ring for the engagement in the first place but I was told I was dumb for not knowing that's how it worked. So I don't know why I'm getting lectured about blindly following everything my in-laws say.
It's as if the "logh" have a face now: my in-laws and my friends' parents. EVERYTHING comes down to how they'll be perceived by those 2 groups and often times it's so silly that I brush it off but at times it's so infuriating that I can't keep quiet. That's my biggest problem: my big mouth.
My mom had told my brother to fly out for the engagement even before things were finalized and then when fiance's mom called to make sure my parents were okay with an engagement, my mom made no indication she wasn't okay with it and seemed excitement. Then a couple hours later, she pulls me aside and tells me that it's ridiculous his mom just sprung the engagement idea on to them and that his mom seems really chalak and i should be 100% sure I can handle a family like that because what they're doing is not right. HUH??? I just let that go. And every once in a while my mom will bring that up, "his mom compares you to the older SIL all the time."except, she doesn't. I'm usually there when they're talking and MY MOM will ask what they did for the older brother's wedding. And then, if my dad makes a comment that sounds like he's not okay with the rishta, my mom will go on and on about how great the MIL is and stuff. It's confusing and makes my head hurt. I'd rather you just hate her so I know. But it makes me start doubting things and reconsider what I'm doing.
