Any time I go out of my way to do something, a favor for a friend, or just something that I am supposed to do, I always resent the person for what I am doing…because I feel like whatever troubles I may be going through to do it, the person I do things for is going to end up complaining that I treat them badly or that I am selfish or do nothing for them.
I can say its just one person but it seems to happen with alot of people, friends, spouse, in laws etc.
I spend hours doing work and I forget one thing–and it seems like all hell breaks loose and I am an incompetent and stupid person. I put in a lot of effort for something, and I am the one who is being difficult to please and cannot do a simple task.
Is this normal in relationships? to put the other person down for forgetting something?
It looks like that you are putting yourself in a position where people are taken you for granted. Are you voluntaring yourself to your friends or do the ask you for that
no, they ask....but u know, once they ask, its not like you can refuse. Because I know if I don't do it, they will hold it against me.
So its damned if I do, damned if I don't.
Maybe I am taking things too seriously. I'm not working and we don't have kids....So i try my best to make sure the house is okay and food is cooked. But then he yells at me for something that I think is minor....but he makes a big deal out of it...and I feel like I am stupid or useless. Somehow I think friends and spouses aren't supposed to make you feel this way but I dont know maybe I am being oversensitive or selfish.
we all feel underappreciated all the times. You should be ahppy that he is making a big deal out of small things. That just means that you have taken care of big things already. Great job.
Guys are little nutcases. They are angry about something, they know its silly to show anger about that thing. They pick another thing to express their anger at, not knowing that it makes them look even more silly.
Maybe I am taking things too seriously. I'm not working and we don't have kids....So i try my best to make sure the house is okay and food is cooked. But then he yells at me for something that I think is minor....but he makes a big deal out of it...and I feel like I am stupid or useless. Somehow I think friends and spouses aren't supposed to make you feel this way but I dont know maybe I am being oversensitive or selfish.
assalam u alaikum sister....if you dont mind can you give an example of what kind of minor thing he might yell at you for?
Hmmm, it can happen in relationships where you are very close to the person and also when you're not that close to someone.
For example, with our family members.......since there is a greater comfort level and familiarity.........we just let ourselves go........and don't think twice about letting all hell break loose.
However, it does become an issue when the individual (family, friend, or acquaintance) is behaving like this frequently. While it's normal to lose patience once in a while, a person should have tolerance and respect.
Have you been betrayed by these people whom you resent? For example, when you do a favor for a friend.......do you resent the friend because you KNOW that she herself is stingy with doing favors for you? Does she always display a ME ME ME ME attitude with little consideration for reciprocation?
It's normal for this to happen in ALL relationships. Just talk to the person and tell them that while you're happy to do favors when possible.....you'd appreciate it if they would show more patience when making requests as nobody is perfect.
If they are true friends, they'll try to understand your point of view and make the effort to respect you. If not....ditch them and find new friends.
1) Screaming in my face is not going to make anything get done any faster. (AND THEN....go ahead and PURPOSELY TAKE EXTRA LONG to get the job done to PISS the person off).
2) Until you can learn to respect me and that includes not bossing me around and screaming in my face...........you can just do the task yourself.
**3) **Do you usually yell at people when things don't go your way or when things are not quick enough for you? You poor baby, you got a lot of growing up to do, sweetie.
4) Did nobody ever teach you about basic respect? If you're so critical.....then why don't you do the job yourself. Better yet......do the job yourself and watch me scream at YOU.
By the way is this person your superior at work or something? Or just an ill-mannered friend/family member? Other alternatives include:
1) The next time they ask you for a favor.......just do a shoddy job. They'll get mad at you for screwing up. But eventually they'll stop asking you.
2) The next time they ask you for a favor......jokingly say, "You're asking so nicely right now. And I don't mind helping you out. But I don't understand why you can't be just as patient when it comes to me?"
3) Did you get my coffee? "Oh sorry, I forgot". Did you take my clothes to the laundry? "Oohps, I forgot". Did you record my TV program? "Sorry, I recorded the wrong one." Did you pick up the groceries for me? "Huh....what groceries?" Did you return my library books? "I'm not sure what that means" Did you cook lunch/dinner? "Huh...who the....what the....come again?"
4) Imitation therapy. Next time YELL at her the SAME WAY she yells at you. When she looks baffled by your behavior. Simply tell her, **" I know you're not used to angry outbursts from me since I'm usually calm, but I just wanted to see your reaction since this is how you often behave with me"
***** On a more serious note, **Oreo, talk to the person about their behavior and let them know there's no excuse for them disrespecting you. I've learned that it's TRUE when people say that "YOU teach others how to treat you."
this happens to those of us who allow ourselves to be treated like a doormat, if you feel someone is taking your kindness for granted, make the uncomfortable confrontation and tell them how their action is affecting you, if its your hubby then def say it, you have your whole lifetime with him, this will have serious affects on your relationship, and your self confidence.
If you feel its your friends are doing this, then again tell them, and then keep your distance, if they can't appreciate your worth, then there not worth your efforts.