Is this Gunah?? PLZ guys advice?

Lifestyle Relationships
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My sis married from past 13yrs having 2-kids and facing terrible problems due to her ‘SAS’ evil nature.Her mother inlaw is a strict,terrible and typical evil person.She had been miserable and making all problems for my sis marital life.The only reason is because my bro inlaw is a religeos inded and a person who just listen one sided and its always her mother side.
They are 3 bro but 2 of them and their wives are not agree to keep her with them permanently.
Four yrs back my mom and sis made a Biggest mistake to do cross marriage and asked her sis inlaw’s rishta for my bro.There intention was good.My mom is a very humble and GOD fearing lady.Even we all opposed her but she said there is a problem for her rishta and she is getting older.So she asked her for my bro who is a very obidiant and obayed mom.They also have 2 kids now.
The problem increased instead of decreasing.Her mom inlaw doesn’t even care about her own daughter’s marital life.She didn’t stop what she was doing in past.
Now few days ago she came to my sis house and told she would be living there forever.My sis is so scared of this situation but this time.My bro inlaw told her my mom would live here and if you wanna go to your mom ..go away,
My bro found out the situation and told my bhabi to go her home…
The situation is my bhabi took her little daughter who can’t live witout mom and my sis both kids also with dad.

My bro inlaw tells my sis 'Its a biggest SIN to tell his mom to go or not to keep her with them.He tells ‘AHADEES’ to her about mom’s valus and things but my sis knows she can’t deal with that evil lady.She had seen her disolving taveez with her eyes and talk on her back comlaing to her son and at result he always fight with her and give her notice to deal with her.
He knows his mom very well but due to a religeos minded he says he can’t refued her mom to live with them…

Now my sis and bhabi are their mom’s home and her mom tell her son let me see who can stop me to live here with you.My bro inlaw is a stupid’‘kachhy kano wala’’ guy knows his mom and ruining this matter.
My sis said 3 of her sons should keep her turn by turn but none of her son and daughter inlaws are not agree to keep her due to her evil nature.They are scared to death of this miserable lady.

Now you ppls tell me in this situation what to do and 'is this really a Sin??
My bhabi can’t convince her mom or bro to keep the things right and feels helpless…Have no idea how to deal with it and make her to live with every son not just giving my sis hard time…HELP.

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Re: Is this Gunah?? PLZ guys advice?

If your brother did not have issues with his wife herself, he should not have sent her away.

But no, your sister doesn't seem to have committed a sin.

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Re: Is this Gunah?? PLZ guys advice?

I don't believe it's a sin, in fact what the mother in law is doing is a sin, she's breaking up a family and ruining the lives of her son as well as her grandchildren. I don't understand what such women get out of ruining the lives of their own children due to their own petty insecurities. That said, I suppose your sister needs to sit down and think about some important things like:
Does her husband truly love her? Does she love him? Or are they just together for the sake of being together or the children?
Does she have any sort of income, and does she/can she work? Could your parents support her?
If she feels he doesn't love her, and if she can support herself, maybe a trial separation would be a good idea. Maybe losing a wife and children will make your bro-in-law wake up to the reality of his situation and make him realize that what his mother is doing is wrong.

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Re: Is this Gunah?? PLZ guys advice?

I’m not denying the MIL is evil but what if you’re brother did the same to your mother?
How concerned would you be about it being a sin vs where your mother will go.

You’re BIL sounds like a douche bag who can’t handle his relationships but I’m sorry I dont think your sister is completely in the right either. As for the religion aspect of the situation

Source: The Mother in Islam - Muslim - Families.com

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Re: Is this Gunah?? PLZ guys advice?

In this situation, it would be more of a sin to keep MIL and DIL in the same house.

Two options:

  1. She can fight, fight and fight with her husband and probably ruin her marriage in the process. Men go blind when it comes to their mothers so fighting with her husband is useless...absolutely useless. What will happen is she will end up alienating herself rather then convince her husband to stand up for her.

  2. She can learn to control her home. She can live with this woman and show her she will live according to her own rules...nothing less. Apne ghar me apni tarha zindagi guzaro. This is what I would do...eventually she will tire and either leave or come to a compromise with your sister.

People are more then welcome to live with her...but respectfully and understand that she's not their doormat.

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Re: Is this Gunah?? PLZ guys advice?

As annoying as the lady is, it is a blessing to keep an elderly in your home. Where is your sister's MIL going to go? Her other kids wont take her.

Tell your sister to grow up a little and be accomadating. And you guys should have done your research into this family, before getting people married into it.

Just because a family is "religious" doesn't mean they're going to cooperate with you and be reasonable. In fact, our Pakistani "religious" families are often uncooperative and VERY unreasonable.

Again. Another poster I don't feel sorry for.

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Re: Is this Gunah?? PLZ guys advice?

How 'evil' is this MIL? I think your sister is being immature. She should be accommodating and let her MIL stay with her...the poor woman has nowhere to go! I am assuming she doesn't have a husband?

Your sister should be patient and be the bigger person here. I mean how abusive is her MIL? Does she beat her up? Yes, then it could be a concern but I don't think that's the case.

The old lady has nowhere to go and her other sons won't accept her. Why doesn't your sister make her husband's life easier and be more welcoming to his mother no matter how 'evil' she is. This will only work in her favor and also help her earn brownie points with God and her husband!! Let's not abandon our elderly when they have nowhere to go.

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agree with muniya here!

another questions to guys here, no matter how worst are the problems! would any son ask his mother to leave the house or a put a limit of staying of parents at his house?

this goes to posters own brother and mother too!

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very wise.where u got all this from?

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Re: Is this Gunah?? PLZ guys advice?

When your brother listens to his mother, he is 'obedient'.
When the brother-in-law does the same, he is 'kachhy kano wala' (whatever that means)

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You're not really giving us any details on why the MIL is evil. I'm sure there are lots of evil MILs, but your sister needs to be more patient. A lot of married girls stereotype a MIL as being evil, invading the couple's privacy, ruling the household, etc. But it doesn't have to be like that. Your sister should be more compassionate... no one else wants the MIL in their home. At least the husband is trying to be a good son, unlike the others, and wants her to live with them. She should admire that in her husband. I don't know if you mentioned if your SIL lives with your mother, but how would you and your sister react if your SIL didn't want your mother to live in the same house? I'm sure you two would be extremely angry, regardless if your SIL claimed or didn't claim that your mother is evil... correct? Anyone would be hurt and angry. A mother isn't someone who can be disposed of like trash. Your sister is a mother too, she would also be hurt if in the future, her own child didn't want her to live with him.

If your brother-in-law is not siding with your sister, it's probably because he's only seeing the negativity in your sister. He needs to see that your sister is treating his mother well, not seeing her as a MIL, but as a mother. Only then, if in the future there is a problem, he will be more open to listening to his wife's side of the story. At least your sister will get some reward for being patient and the children will get to spend some time with their daadi.

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Re: Is this Gunah?? PLZ guys advice?

everyone is telling here that she should accept his mother because she is a maa. I dont understand why people tell someone to accept someone else's mom. Yes she is a mother I agree ! but mother of whom ? the guy it's the guys responsibility to fulfil her needs. He has also married someone and he is also responsible for her. Islamically she is not obliged to live with her MIL and her husband is obliged to provide her a decent and separate living. If only MILs learn to behave well with their DILs then these situation would not arise.

Rest of the situation which involves your bhabi I would not comment as it's as messy as its sound. It's kinda watta satta situation which has proved to give fatal results for generations.

Your sis is marred for 13 years with 2 kids if her husband has not learned to love his wife and children in all these years he never will. If she is financially dependent on him she has to compromise I don't think there is a way out or if you and your family are willing to take care of her and her children responsibility for the rest of her life then it's ok otherwise what best you can do is to make your sis her husband , you bro and his wife and you mother with the MIL together have talk try to resolve issues which if you are saying that MIL is sooo evil I doubt will be resolved.

People use islam to justify themselves it's so so common now. I hope your problems gets resolved soon.

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Re: Is this Gunah?? PLZ guys advice?

People use islam to justify themselves it's so so common now..Very Very TRUE.
The only issue here is she should live with 3 of sons turn by trun and should be very kind amd loving to them....She wants to live with my sis coz she knows she is the only one who can't defend herself and have no courage to deal with her clever and crooked nature .
she is the only one who can be controled.....
I have also heard ''Its a son's responsiblity to do khidmat of her mother not DIL but if she does its a favour on her husband''
As far as my mother concerned ,The biggest step she took to ask her rishta for her son when she was having rishta problems.she had been very kind and loving to my SIL .She is always on her side if there is a little problem between husband and wife......There is NO comparison and my SIL admits that She has a very happy, healthy,loving atmosphare and freedom when my sis has so many prob (finecial,husband's and inlaw's behavour etc etc...There is no comparison between both sides.
My SIL thinks she is very lucky but she says her mom is not agree to understand the situation and will not be change ever. When a daughters comments about her mom u can imgine about her personality.Why just my sis??
PLZ dont use Islam to make the wrong things to right.

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^ Your SIL should speak to her mother alone about this. Your brother, sister, BIL, and mother shouldn't be present. Your SIL should explain to her mother that her behavior can jeopardize her own marriage and life with her in-laws. Your SIL, brother, and mother can be examples to your BIL and his mother. Your brother should bring his wife back to his home. I understand that he was trying to make a point that he is married to your BIL's sister and if the BIL does something to your sister, your brother can do the same to his wife. But retaliation isn't going to make things better- it can make things worse- and your SIL is not at fault for what's going on.

Also, I understand that your SIL was aging and having rishta problems, but don't make it seem like your mother and brother did a favor to her. And I advise you and your family to not say something like that in front of her to belittle her. She has kids with your brother and has been married to him. You said that she and your mother are on good terms, so she must be a good wife and DIL too.

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agree with everthing soundarya has said :k:

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Paradise at the feet of a hateful mother

Here is a quote from the above link:

In Islam you are supposed to respect your parents and treat them well; however, they are not free to abuse you in any way that they please. There are boundaries to what is acceptable and what isn’t.

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Re: Is this Gunah?? PLZ guys advice?

Jahan Islam hamain fa'ida Pohancha'aiy wahan ham Islam ka Sahara lay letay hain aur jahan Nuqsaan wahan yeh Shikayat k People Use Islam . . . Islam is a code of life (Zabata-e-Hayat). One can not or may i say should not split it from daily life.

Allah Ham Sab ko apnay waldain ki Mushkil umar main un ki Khidmat kernain aur un ka sahara Ban'nay ki Taufeeq ataa ferma'aiy. Because they were there when we were not able to live on our own.

taking turns is a good idea per agar 3 main say 2 bhaion ko Allah G nain iss sa'aadat ki taufeeq ataa nahin ki tau iss ka yeh hargiz matlab nahin k yeh bhai sahib bhi Apni maan say Chutkaara hasil ker lain.

Kal ham bhi boorhay hongay aur hamain bhi Sharay ki zaroorat hogi . . .

Khush Raho :)

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Re: Is this Gunah?? PLZ guys advice?

my MIL is also v tough lady n very difficult to handle....... first of all she just dont like me at all so u can imagine how she treats me........she wants that my hubby should insult me in front of her just to make her happy.........thnk GOD i m living separately in dubai n she is in pakistan.........last year she was coming to visit us for 1 month n i was so much upset because i knew my worst time is starting......... firstly i tried to convince my huby that instead of her coming here v can go n visit her as this vl be better but my hubby said no she is my mum n i cant stop her to come to my house.......i really respect his words but was upset because i knew the consequences so i discuss this wth my mum n she advised me to compromise n not stop her coming its her right to visit his son or to live wth him....you should give her due respect as she is your huby's mother.....n inshahallah Allah vl help you..................i did the same thing though the whole trip was v torturous for me she didnt left any single point to insult me n every now n then scolded me for no reason she even slept in my room wth my huby n me............sho sweet of her..........anyhow i didnt said a word n finally she left n my huby thnked me that i compromised for him to such an extent n from that day my huby always respect me for this n now whenever my MIL tries that huby scold me.......she fails because my huby now understands me.......

when your BIL vl see that his wife is compromising n giving her mother respect he vl defintely understand his wife.......... n vl able to balance bw his wife n Mother...inshahallah everything vl b ok

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wow, DA, im impressed.
uve just inspired me to be the bigger person here..thanks! what u say makes perfect sense, and usually hubbies do love their wives all the more for compromising instead of fighting, coz really, no son will ever see his mom to be doing anything wrong.

good luck to u and i hope Allah gives u the strength and patience to bear any more problems.

popat, as for your situation, Allah SWT says very clearly in Surah AL BAQARAH, AYAT 102, that one who does magic, or even learns magic, even a little bit of it, is not from us - and he has given up EVERYTHING that he could have ever earned in the hereafter -

so leave this taweez bit between ur saas and Allah. it is a very, very serious accusation to accuse some one of magic - yes i know ppl do it, but doing it is tantamount to outright KUFR. so let Allah be the judge of her. i would advise the same in other situations.

look - we r no one to decide what is sinful and what is not, because we dont know anyone's intentions, only Allah SWT does.

u cud try and make the best of things - unless maybe u and ur mum in law cud live in 2 small apartments/houses next to each other? or maybe get a piece of land and construct 2 portions, one for urself and one for ur mum in law?

she is not going to change. it depends on how far the hubby supports ur sister in day to day matters...i have yet to understand the real nature of ur objections / problems with ur mum in law , except that ur hubby doesnt quote ahadees to her to tell her she is wrong.

as for that, Allah has said , do not say Fie to your parents when they get old. they can and shud be guided on sharia compliant methods, but it is hard to do so in the heat ofhte discussion.

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Re: Is this Gunah?? PLZ guys advice?

thankx rockon.......... my MIL still continues this but now i have no problem since my huby understands everything n mashallah he is v generous he knows how to keep balance bw mum n wife n all credit seriously goes to him.........

popat56 let me tell u one more thing my bro in law is also in dubai but he secretly told my huby that plz dont bring mum at my home i l myself come at ur place n visit her.......
n my MIL now always say that my younger son didnt looked after me only my middle son looked me so i make duas for him............n seriously whatever she do to me but her prayers are really working for my huby.......allahumdullah

ur sis's MIL vl also realize this that ur BIL looked after her n none of other sons......... n inshahallah might be this thing change her attitude