Is this friendship illegal

[shaasavera]

Re: Is this friendship illegal

@Dubaiwali

LOL RV!

As for the post, I don’t think there should be an issue with you being a friend of hers. However, regarding the emotionally dependent bit. You did mention that she has a husband and she is pregnant. I do think in this case, there should be some boundaries that you shouldn’t cross. It is not good for her to get emotionally dependent, neither it is good for you to do too much for her.

Sometimes we help people way too much and in the end they just end up taking us for grated. They end up using us and we end up getting used. It is great that you want to help her settle in a new country, but you must not forget that she has a husband. Maybe her husband won’t like her being really good friends with you and you driving her around. Maybe the husband can become paranoid and suspicious for no reason. It happens. Especially since she has come from Pakistan and it has only been around 2 years in Australia.

Admirable of you to be helpful to her, but stay in limits too. Instead of driving her yourself, hire her a cab etc. Let her be independent and know her way around the city herself. You won’t be able to do these kinds of things for her always.

Thanks for the reply Dubaiwali. Love reading your posts.

I was as excited to see RV’s response that i posted twice. Sorry i didnt make it clear. She gave birth in April and her daughter is only few weeks old. Then she had to go to hospital and her husband works long hours. I feel like at this time she needs a lot of support and if she was back home in Pakistan her extended family would give her this support. Thanks for the compliments. I dont think im doing much. Just trying to help someone out with the knowledge i have. But then again others might view it differently.

I get easily emotionally involved especially if the friend was from Pakistan. Over past 8 yrs ive made about dozens of online female friends from Pakistan or Pakistani background in UK and US. But as happens with Indian online friends they disappear or deactivate and then u never hear from them again. Friends uve got to know for yrs even if just online and friends u have made bday videos for, Eid videos for. Then one day they might say my friends dont like when u compliment me and they dont think we should be friends. So i know what being used feels like. Then again ive made some amazing friends online including EasternDresses from GS who is my api that i wish i had those friendships here as well.

After i finished work i spent 3 hrs talking to her and i couldnt help telling her about my online Pakistani friends and how she reminded me of them. She said our friendship will definitely last forever but she needs help with her baby otherwise she will feel too exhausted.

You are right. I dont want him to be suspicious even though im just a female and she sees me as her sister. I dont want him to feel i am taking up all her time. She said she told him about me and he was happy she made a good new friend. Situation may change if i became too over involved. She said since her daughter was born they havent got any rest. I was tempted to say one day i can come over and her daughter can meet shaasavera khala her indian australian khala. I told her she can call me api as im few yrs older.

So far ive not met her but we have kept in contact. Ive sent her links to muslim women associations in australia where she can do classes including Quran classes when she has time. Ive emailed this Pakistani Australian news paper about local Pakistani mother groups. And who knows through her i might be able to make other new Pakistani friends. I still have few cities left in Pakistan where i dont have female friends but i dont want it to seem im using her to make friends. She told me she was having a headache and i gave her some headache massage/self massage links as her mother in law is over and for her husband as well. To make her feel special i sent her some pakistani drama ost links including this one called saheliyan and she helped me understanding urdu words.

Maybe i have an obsession with making Pakistani friends who know. It could be because i watch many Pakistani dramas. Even in hospital when i see someone with a Pakistani sounding name after i finish work i talk to them. If they are elderly they tell me stories of their childhood and partition and if they are younger and they are new to the country i ask them how things have been. I am just fascinated with many things Pakistani starting with shan masala in my childhood.

Its the first time ive come across a Pakistani female my age and first time ive given my number when she asked it. I think i got really emotional and said “i dont know if we will ever get to talk again. Its just lucky i came back and introduced myself otherwise probably u would go home tomorrow and we would never know each other and i would never get to have ur friendship.” Then she asked my number. I hope that didnt sound too desperate.

Good advice not to drive her to places. My Pakistani Australian friend warned me about the same. She has asked me for some advice on phone. I think i need to tell her it would be better to see local doctor about problems rather than me give advice from afar when im not really established myself. And maybe i can help her with uber to get to places.