Zahid (assumed named) and I have been friends since the 6th grade. Initially we weren’t very close but our friendship blossomed during mid 20s. That is when he left his bad past behind and started afresh with a new outlook on life and also a new wife. After marriage he lived with his parents in new york, not too far away from my place, along with his wife and a new baby. Despite additional responsibility and new outlook on life, our relationship didn’t change that much. Few years later he moved much further away (approximately 3 hours) to start a new business. But despite being so far away we still kept in touch if only by telephone. During his occasional visits to NYC he would drop by; sometimes with family and other time alone. Suffice to say our relationship didn’t falter.
For the past 2 years or so that relationship has faltered if not in shambles. Those occasional phone calls have completed ceased where he does not even return my phone calls. Although I have no evidence to backup this claim but I suspect his wife does not want him to see anyone from the old neighborhood. Actually there was one thing I noticed where he was calling his wife every hour or so tell her of his whereabouts during one of his rare visits. Once he left me a message claiming that he was doing well and that he is just busy with kids. I understand that life gets hectic when a man has a family to support but no one is busy 24x7.
So, I would never end a friendship just like that. I still call and leave messages but now without any expectations of a return call. Should I just assume that he no longer wants to keep up? But why? During a rare conversation I mentioned that I had finished a masters degree and landed a lucrative position with a consulting company. His response to the news sounded a bit sarcastic. I wonder now if he thought that I was boasting since I have a degree while he was never able to finish bachelors. The topic of money or anything material never came up between us. Whatever success he has earned over the years in business always received a hear felt congratulation and smile from me. Should I just stop calling and consider that he no longer wants to be friends?
Zahid (assumed named) and I have been friends since the 6th grade. Initially we weren't very close but our friendship blossomed during mid 20s. That is when he left his bad past behind and started afresh with a new outlook on life and also a new wife. After marriage he lived with his parents in new york, not too far away from my place, along with his wife and a new baby. Despite additional responsibility and new outlook on life, our relationship didn't change that much. Few years later he moved much further away (approximately 3 hours) to start a new business. But despite being so far away we still kept in touch if only by telephone. During his occasional visits to NYC he would drop by; sometimes with family and other time alone. Suffice to say our relationship didn't falter.
For the past 2 years or so that relationship has faltered if not in shambles. Those occasional phone calls have completed ceased where he does not even return my phone calls. Although I have no evidence to backup this claim but I suspect his wife does not want him to see anyone from the old neighborhood. Actually there was one thing I noticed where he was calling his wife every hour or so tell her of his whereabouts during one of his rare visits. Once he left me a message claiming that he was doing well and that he is just busy with kids. I understand that life gets hectic when a man has a family to support but no one is busy 24x7.
So, I would never end a friendship just like that. I still call and leave messages but now without any expectations of a return call. Should I just assume that he no longer wants to keep up? But why? During a rare conversation I mentioned that I had finished a masters degree and landed a lucrative position with a consulting company. His response to the news sounded a bit sarcastic. I wonder now if he thought that I was boasting since I have a degree while he was never able to finish bachelors. The topic of money or anything material never came up between us. Whatever success he has earned over the years in business always received a hear felt congratulation and smile from me. Should I just stop calling and consider that he no longer wants to be friends?
FP,
Additional responsibilities (marriage, kids, and work) can bring about a distance between friends. It's normal and it happens. We get so wrapped up in life's chores that we don't have the time to socialize like we used to. Don't jump to conclusions about your friend yet. Maybe he's busy, or maybe his wife is controlling. It seems like you really care about your friend so why don't you be the bigger person and call him up and casually express your concerns. Just tell him, "Dude, we've had a strong friendship for years and I'm worried about you because in the past you maintained communication in spite of your responsibilities and now you seem oddly distant. If you need any help, you know where to find me." And if he has some problems in his personal life that are causing this distance, maybe he'll feel encouraged to share them with you.
^So just call him up....and if he does not want to maintain ties, then let him go. You can't force him to be your friend and try to move on with your life. If he values this friendship as much as you do, he knows how to reach you. Just continue moving on.
Sounds like a post htat you would make fun of. then again idk?
Anyways--
If I were you , I would lower my expectations and give him his space, but not cut him off completely. i.e., keep the lines of communication open, so he knows you are there. Maybe he is going through alot of stuff (something must have happened that he has to report every single hour, or had to move away).
When u think he sounded sarcastic, maybe he was just frustrated at something going on in his life--it could possibly be that he didn't mean it in that way.
Then again you know about him better than us, u know his personality and the history you two have..
Additional responsibilities (marriage, kids, and work) can bring about a distance between friends. It's normal and it happens. We get so wrapped up in life's chores that we don't have the time to socialize like we used to. Don't jump to conclusions about your friend yet. Maybe he's busy, or maybe his wife is controlling. It seems like you really care about your friend so why don't you be the bigger person and call him up and casually express your concerns. Just tell him, "Dude, we've had a strong friendship for years and I'm worried about you because in the past you maintained communication in spite of your responsibilities and now you seem oddly distant. If you need any help, you know where to find me." And if he has some problems in his personal life that are causing this distance, maybe he'll feel encouraged to share them with you.
^So just call him up....and if he does not want to maintain ties, then let him go. You can't force him to be your friend and try to move on with your life. If he values this friendship as much as you do, he knows how to reach you. Just continue moving on.
Life with kids is busy and my sisters can certainly attest to that fact. While I remain the only person from the entire group who has not yet settled down, I've still lead a busy life albeit without kids.
Sounds like a post htat you would make fun of. then again idk?
Anyways--
If I were you , I would lower my expectations and give him his space, but not cut him off completely. i.e., keep the lines of communication open, so he knows you are there. Maybe he is going through alot of stuff (something must have happened that he has to report every single hour, or had to move away).
Yeah I agree. But its not like I am calling him everyday or every week. I used to call him once a month but even less seldom now. But him and I never had any sort of secrets between us especially since I knew of all his side businesses and vice versa. He is one of my last remaining friends from the old neighborhood while the rest have just moved away at the same time broke all ties.
leave it .. jus end da friendship right heer coz it wud b pointless for u to jus drag da friendship frm ur side.. sooner or later it wud end so step up and end it right heer n move on wid ur life..
he doesnt need space .. u call him once a month how much more space does he want? .. he has ended it.. he no longer wants to i think go on wid da friendship wat ever da reason be.. u hve to end dis
i had da same issue wid a girl she was my best friend.. n den we got apart i try to boost things up it didnt work n den i had relized she no longer wants to b my friend so i bked out for gd
its simple - i dont think his wife is very comfy knowing that he has a bond with you that he might not have with her -
things like these happen and the best way to deal with them, even though uve been best friends forever, is to move on.
Let it be because i dont think its going to change. Telling you that he has responsibilities is a nice way to back off without having to explain and thats whats going on here. I wouldnt suggest you calling him and leaving msgs. If he needs to call, he can but dont put urself in a situation where you get hurt or blamed for something that isnt even there. You care about him and im sure he knows that you'll always be there, but sometimes when marriage comes in the way.. friendships dont always blossom the way they would have.
Women are always going to be women and thts a fact that no-one can change.. our love and possessiveness come in the way..