Is this anger right for inlaws....?

[Captain_FT]

It's okay my dear my mom use to do that kind of things too.

Don't worry be happy.

The problem you have got is all because of your nand. She is continuously teasing you by giving cheap gifts and telling you about hers.

I think you might have told her or you in law about what your mom did or they know it.

Don't give attention to what your SIL says and your problem will be solved.

Sis kisi kay diaay huway cheez say zindagi naheen guzarti so why do give so much value to those things.

One of my sister give lots of gifts to her in laws for almost a decade. She even gave her husband land to them when they asked but they never ever give her a sing penny. Even a single dua but instead gave badduas and kicked her out. She is so careless still love them call them. Force her husband to talk to them. Even her husband don't want to talk to them. Her in laws never calls. Give buddua directly to her. Make false accusations. But still ask for BIG MONEY. She is so careless. She says I'll get reward from Allah.

Se become careless about your in laws specially your SIL behaviour and talking always cut her out when she would start saying things which bother you.

Also become careless about your mom too.

Believe in Allah he will give you gr8 things through your husband Insha Allah.

You become over sensitive about this very stupid matter.

Don't ever ever ever give importance to material. It's nothing.

I know it's hard but not imposible.

So cheer up. Love to give to your in laws to make Allah happy. He will give you more. Beleive me.

oh very sad to read that bro! and confused yes gr8heera is also saying the right things. these jewellery and fashion all these stupid things will not go with you in the grave, all would be your imaan and good things which you have ever done with others.

just leave such things and come out of the thoughts of these things just think broadly with wisdom.

i hope you would have understood my words.

best of luck

:)

[Captain_FT]

Any person, whether they be a DIL, MIL, BIL, whatever - who weighs and evaluates relationships based on material things - is setting themselves for nothing but doom.

Good luck to you ladies in achieving peace of mind and contentment.

NJJJJJJJJJJ - good, good, good stuff.

I love reading stuff that is true to the core. Not psychobabble stuff from textbooks.

Was your masters in family politics?

gud to see that sup sis

:)

[hitchki]

Re: Is this anger right for inlaws....?

Good on nadz!!!!

Check and mate. Take take passive-aggressive relatives.

[Sara516]

Re: Is this anger right for inlaws....?

I normally dont' do this

but right above this is a thread on losing a child. The difference is incredible, and can really put things in perspective.

Anyways sorry for the guilt trip. keep on complaining abotu clothes/jewelery. (I know I do the same)

[sweetpip]

Re: Is this anger right for inlaws....?

As someone said above relatioships should not be based on material/wealth, because you will be setting yourself to be doomed. I'm not married, but extended family did used to send clothes and although they were not to my taste, it was the thought/sincerity that counted.

I have made clear to my close family to not buy me anything because we have such different tastes. Many of you ladies who are complaining seem to be independant - therefore just go out buy your own clothes or explain to your family nicely not to buy you anything becasue they do not understand your taste!!!

[Kinzz]

Re: Is this anger right for inlaws....?

AHHH.....atleast u r getting something from ur inlawas...

there are manyyyyyyy DIL's who are sending everything to their Inlawas but not getting anything even on Eid's....

so stop making any expactations from them...and buy expensive cloths make pictures and show themm....this way they will think u r not even in paksitan but still wearing nice cloths...

[Mang0tang0]

Allhamdullilah I am happily married and living in usa, my inlaws live in Pakistan, very well off, have 3 daughter in laws and one daughter. My parent live here in usa and have one daughter in law. The thing thats bugging me a bit is (or may be a bit too much sumtimes) my parents treat me, my sister and my bhabi the same way. if my mom is to buy something for me, she has to buy it for my sister and my bhabi as well. When my brother got married she gave my bhabi more jewlwery then she gave to us sisters during our weddings. because she says that its her daughter in law and she is suppose to do it more to make her feel comfortable in our family.

on the other side, the jewelry i got from my in laws was minimal. and when my nand got married, she got triple the amount of jewelry from my mother in law then i did form her. I tried to be ok with it as its her daughter and the way she feels whats right is different. we always keeps sending them gifts that they request all the time because my husband feels obligated to do that (besides a good husband he is also a good son and good brother). but in return i always get the cheapest fabric clothes, even if they have seen the dresses i get made for myself and they know i dont wear those kind of clothes. but my nand sends me a dress really cheap made and then 2 weeks later she tells me that she got 5 dresses made from bareeza shop when she was at her moms... (at the same time when she bought my dress). Looking at all this pampering that she gets through, i feel i dont get that kind of pampering from both side neither from my parents nor from my in laws.... am i being over sensitive on this? I feel to my mom i am at the same level as my bhabi, and to my in laws i am just a DIL, who is an outsider... and they gotta do everything they can for their own daughter....... sometimes i get all this anger filled in my for my inlaws that i feel it shouldnt be that way... how do i get rid of these negative feelings besides thing like these happening constantly?

jewelry shouldnt make a person feel more welcome in a family... their behaviour towards them should.
Your husband sends gifts.. let him, but that should not mean that they have to give you something... if you want something get it yourself, if the husband says get it from Pakistan itll be cheaper say i will when we go there but till we do i need to get some from here for now.
Also speak to your husband tell him not to tell your nand you love what she sends tell him i dont like it ill never wear it so why make her waste her money in sending something that will just sit around, and ask him why he wants his sister to think you wear bad quality cheap clothes

sometimes turning it around makes a diff, youre still saying the same thing but now instead of it being about you its about someone else, the other person might be more receptive to that

[sadzzz]

Re: Is this anger right for inlaws…?

pictures are deceiving…

make a trip to pak, let them see what you like… and Inshallah things will work out :k:

dont compare urself to anyone… unless its ur sister and then u can complain to ur mum endlessly he he he… kidding.

[Gr8Heera]

confused - trust me i knw how you feel -

sending them something similar back is a way of bringing yourself down to their level and trust me you dont want to do that (sry RV & Nadz - i dont agree with u), woh jo bhi dete hain i think pyaar se accept karlena chahiye, usko tum aage use karo ya na karo thats upto you. Your nand gets a reaction from you whenever she see's the look on your face after she mentions her shopping spree and thats exactly what she wants, the moment you stop giving her that 'look' of defeat and maybe even a little jealousy she might take the hint that you dont care - plus, jo insaan doosre ke liye waisi hi cheez pasand na kare jo apne liye karta hai Allah ke ghar mein uska muqaam bahut chota hota hai - kyunke uss mein hasad mila hota hai - so breathe and dnt take it to heart.

Wow zabardast Masha Allah gr8 person you must be.

Your soach is totaly like me.

100,000% I agree with you.

Quran says (in my words) Wo musalman hi naheen hai jo wo na pasand karay apnay bhai kay liaay jo khud kay liaay pasand karta hai.

Aisay hasid loag musalmaan to naheen huway na. To un jaisa bunnay ki kia zaroorat hai.

Hamaisha farq dikhain apnay tohfon say apnay aur SIL kay darmiaan. Wo zahir karain ya na karain laikin wo garvida bhi hon gay aur shirminda bhi dil hi dil main. zuban say bhalay kuch na kahain per dil to khush ho ga na unka. Dil kisi ka khush karna hi to Allah ki razamandi hasil karna hai.

Don't say a single word apnay tohfon say jata dain kay aap cheap hain main naheen aap dushmanon kay liaay bhi naheen. Is main hi jeet hai meray hisaab say.

I agree with this poster Kay don't let her know in any way like talking over the phone or one on one that you becoming hurt or jealous.

Defeat them from your achchay bartao and tohfay.

[Gr8Heera]

@sadzzz

pictures are deceiving…

make a trip to pak, let them see what you like… and Inshallah things will work out :k:

dont compare urself to anyone… unless its ur sister and then u can complain to ur mum endlessly he he he… kidding.

LOL that is so funny.

[Ansoon]

Re: Is this anger right for inlaws....?

I think your problem is very small then you make it out to be. Think about it for a sec.. jewellery, clothes these are all material stuff, you can buy/get as much or little as you want... try to be happy about life, thank Allah for the gifts that HE has given you .. feed ur hubby and live happy :)

[Jal_Pari]

I think your problem is very small then you make it out to be. Think about it for a sec.. jewellery, clothes these are all material stuff, you can buy/get as much or little as you want... try to be happy about life, thank Allah for the gifts that HE has given you .. feed ur hubby and live happy :)

well said..having a good relationship with ur hubby and peace of mind is more important then anything.
why don't you buy stunning jewelry and clothes for yourself and then show it all off to your nand. lol

[Kinzz]

I think your problem is very small then you make it out to be. Think about it for a sec.. jewellery, clothes these are all material stuff, you can buy/get as much or little as you want... try to be happy about life, thank Allah for the gifts that HE has given you .. feed ur hubby and live happy :)

i know this all is material stuff...but she is trying to say is..."when they all buy expnesive cloths for them,..then why they buy some CHEAP stuff for her?? "

its like showing her she is not important for them?? or they thinkk she dont deseve expensive and good cloths??

if u read her post again u will see she said she accept all gift and even wear them..but why they do this with HER shopping,,

[Mabrook]

Re: Is this anger right for inlaws....?

i think u r very right in feeling hurt as to how they behave with u.but just being sad or feeling angry might not help anyone.don't think its just ur inlaws .there r many who does these cheap tricks to hurt others. so ignore ur anger n count ur blessings.think of diff ways as u can handle this

1- either stop asking them for anything and tell them straight never to send u stuff n be blunt as if"nice but not my taste" but that will only tense up ur relations with them.ur hubby won't appreciate that either n will think u r being unthankful when his family is so considerate for u.
OR

2-be very diplomatic.exaggerate as to how much u loved the gifts.thank them tons of times.also make demands"baji jaisa aap ka wo wala suit tha na bilkul waisa banva dain"even if she gets u something totally opposite just say"oh ye tu app k se bhi ziada acha bana hai.oh thank you so much"this will be enuf to embaress them or feel defeated in their efforts to hurt u.
OR
3- ignore,forget n pass on the gifts as others suggested n don't say anything to anyone even ur husband.

[njgal]

Allhamdullilah I am happily married and living in usa, my inlaws live in Pakistan, very well off, have 3 daughter in laws and one daughter. My parent live here in usa and have one daughter in law. The thing thats bugging me a bit is (or may be a bit too much sumtimes) my parents treat me, my sister and my bhabi the same way. if my mom is to buy something for me, she has to buy it for my sister and my bhabi as well. When my brother got married she gave my bhabi more jewlwery then she gave to us sisters during our weddings. because she says that its her daughter in law and she is suppose to do it more to make her feel comfortable in our family.

on the other side, the jewelry i got from my in laws was minimal. and when my nand got married, she got triple the amount of jewelry from my mother in law then i did form her. I tried to be ok with it as its her daughter and the way she feels whats right is different. we always keeps sending them gifts that they request all the time because my husband feels obligated to do that (besides a good husband he is also a good son and good brother). but in return i always get the cheapest fabric clothes, even if they have seen the dresses i get made for myself and they know i dont wear those kind of clothes. but my nand sends me a dress really cheap made and then 2 weeks later she tells me that she got 5 dresses made from bareeza shop when she was at her moms... (at the same time when she bought my dress). Looking at all this pampering that she gets through, i feel i dont get that kind of pampering from both side neither from my parents nor from my in laws.... am i being over sensitive on this? I feel to my mom i am at the same level as my bhabi, and to my in laws i am just a DIL, who is an outsider... and they gotta do everything they can for their own daughter....... sometimes i get all this anger filled in my for my inlaws that i feel it shouldnt be that way... how do i get rid of these negative feelings besides thing like these happening constantly?

Would your mom start treating your sister in law differently because HER daughter is being treated not the same. I am assuming she wouldn't

Take the high road. Things like kapra, jewelry are just fazool things to get upset over.

Don't expect from other people, just from God.