Is this anger right for inlaws....?

[redvelvet]

@confusedaboutinlaws

Allhamdullilah I am happily married and living in usa, my inlaws live in Pakistan, very well off, have 3 daughter in laws and one daughter.
My parent live here in usa and have one daughter in law.
The thing thats bugging me a bit is (or may be a bit too much sumtimes) my parents treat me, my sister and my bhabi the same way. if my mom is to buy something for me, she has to buy it for my sister and my bhabi as well. When my brother got married she gave my bhabi more jewlwery then she gave to us sisters during our weddings. because she says that its her daughter in law and she is suppose to do it more to make her feel comfortable in our family.

on the other side, the jewelry i got from my in laws was minimal. and when my nand got married, she got triple the amount of jewelry from my mother in law then i did form her. I tried to be ok with it as its her daughter and the way she feels whats right is different. we always keeps sending them gifts that they request all the time because my husband feels obligated to do that (besides a good husband he is also a good son and good brother). but in return i always get the cheapest fabric clothes, even if they have seen the dresses i get made for myself and they know i dont wear those kind of clothes. but my nand sends me a dress really cheap made and then 2 weeks later she tells me that she got 5 dresses made from bareeza shop when she was at her moms… (at the same time when she bought my dress). Looking at all this pampering that she gets through, i feel i dont get that kind of pampering from both side neither from my parents nor from my in laws… am i being over sensitive on this? I feel to my mom i am at the same level as my bhabi, and to my in laws i am just a DIL, who is an outsider… and they gotta do everything they can for their own daughter…
sometimes i get all this anger filled in my for my inlaws that i feel it shouldnt be that way… how do i get rid of these negative feelings besides thing like these happening constantly?

Confused,

You MashaAllah have so much to be grateful for. You have a mother who treats her daughter-in-law the same way that she treats you (her daughter). You have parents who have set such a positive example of how in-laws should treat their daughter-in-law fairly. You have a husband who loves you very much, and if there were a Bareeze in your local area, he wouldn’t hesitate to buy you the fabrics/suits to your liking.

^These are the people that should matter the most in your life because they love you sincerely. I understand that you’re feeling upset about the difference in treatment you’re receiving from your in-laws. You have the right to feel upset especially since you and your husband make sure to send good quality gifts to your in-laws…they should at least send you something decent.

Being upset is understandable, but please don’t let this turn into hatred. Don’t let it consume you. Your in-laws are not worth your wasted energy. I think you should do as **Psquared suggested and the next time you’re on the phone with your in-laws…let them know that you’re running low on the LATEST desi trends and would appreciate it if they could send you some nice, good quality, trendy outfits. Do you have your sister-in-law’s email address? If you do, then you can send examples (pictures) **of the type of Bareeze outfits you want. That way…if you send pictures of the exact style you want…your in-laws will have a harder time trying to “cheat” you. When my mom and I want certain style of outfits from Pak, we will sometimes email pictures of examples…and so far Alhumdolillah it has works. If you cannot send pictures, then the other suggestion that I have is that you TELL your in-laws that “I have visited the Bareeze website on the computer and I’ve seen ALL the latest designs and fabrics and I would like for you to get me one of the embroidered mirrored style suits.” (Be SPECIFIC about the design you want). This way your in-laws will think to themselves that they can’t cheat you because you have seen all the designs on the website and plus you are telling them EXACTLY and **SPECIFICALLY **what type of design you want (embroidered, mirrored, chiffon, etc). In my opinion, I feel that your in-laws are probably thinking that since you don’t live in Pakistan, they can trick you and buy the cheapest quality fabric and send it to you as if it was the latest trend. They probably think you won’t know the difference. So get smart…here are the website links for latest desi fashions for your benefit:

http://www.gulahmed.com/html/sec_1024/women_section.htm

Sefam Online

Shalwar Kameez, Pakistani Wedding Lehenga, Indian Lenghas Choli Bridal Dresses

***********If your in-laws are concerned about paying out of their own pockets, consider asking your husband to buy desi clothes for you. Or perhaps if you have other relatives living in Pakistan, you can order from them. These days, many people who have visited Pak will bring back the latest fashions to the US sell in their homes. You can take that route as well. Please don’t let clueless tactless cheap in-laws rule degrade your soul by filling it with hatred. Let them go, they’re too stupid to even know about social etiquette and fairness. Forgive them because there are more important things in your life than clothes.