This question is on behalf of a friend. She recently got married.
She got married in a different city which is 4 hours away.. She will be going for a year to us in may and I’m these two months here she asked her mother in law if she could spend them half an in laws and half with her family?
Her mom in law isn’t much in favour of this. Do you think she asked something wrong? She asked this after spendin 4 days with tthem.
What Is the usual protocol of visiting parents once your married?
Re: Is there something wrong in this?
4 days after being married she asked her MIL if she can spent 1 month back with her parents b/c she’s going to the U.S. for 1 year & she’s surprised that MIL isn’t happy about this? 
Her in-laws have 2 months to get to know their new bahu and the new bride has 2 months to get to know her in-laws before going to U.S…yet the bride thinks half this time should be spent with her own parents?
2 very important questions:
Has she discussed this with her husband? How does the husband feel about this? If she has NOT discussed it with them, then why not?
Did she let her own parents know she was planning on asking this to the MIL? What did her own mother say to this? If not then once again…why not?
Is there something wrong in this?
I'm not sure if I understand. So she's going to be going away for a year and she wants to be able to spend half of her time left with her parents and half of her time with the inlaws? I think that's what you were trying to say?
Well what does her husband think?
Re: Is there something wrong in this?
^ From what I understand the bride is going to the U.S. for 1 year in May. She just got married (I assume in the last few weeks if she asked the MIL 4 days after the wedding). So between now and the month of May, she wants to go to her own parents for half the time. As in she actually wants to go live with her parents for half this time, and her own parents live 4 hours away from the in-laws.
I agree with paheli on this.
Re: Is there something wrong in this?
She sounds like trouble if she's asking to visit her family just after getting married. MIL/DIL war in the coming months is going to be really entertaining for OP.
Re: Is there something wrong in this?
Yes there is something wrong with it:
1) She should not have asked her MIL just 4 days after the wedding- I am sure her MIL, knowing that your friend is going to the USA, would have told her to go stay with her parents for some time as well. There was no need for your friend to butt in. She should only have raised it if some time passed and there was no mention of her visiting her parents.
2) Lets assume your friend has had a minimum of 20 years with her parents. Is it too much of the in laws to request that their DIL spend the majority of time with them before going overseas so that they can get to know her?
3) Your friend should have asked her husband and taken on board his suggestion. If he said no to her going she should have left it there (that is, spending 50% of her time with her parents). If he said she could go, he would have raised it himself with his parents.
Your friend has not gotten of to a good start with her MIL.
Re: Is there something wrong in this?
I agree, she should have been more tactful when approaching her mil. I understand that she wont be seeing her parents for a year so perhaps her inlaws would have suggested.she go visit. She can see her parents on the weekends while she is in Pakistan and if she wants to spend a week or two with them before leaving, she should talk to her husband and her in laws and do that.
Re: Is there something wrong in this?
spending 1 month with in laws and 1 month or atleast 2 weeks with her family who are both in Pakistan doesn't seem all that horrible. She'll be with her husband and his parents most of her married life right? Then again you all have gone through it with successful marriages. How many times will she see her family after this if they are in Pakistan and she'll be in the US.
There's so much that goes into a marriage and I guess after marriage a girl needs to learn to not see her parents as much, it's her in laws and husband all the way after after.
Re: Is there something wrong in this?
How many times will she see her family after this if they are in Pakistan and she'll be in the US.
She's going to the U.S. for 1 year. Not moving there permanently. I think its very reasonable for her to ask to spend 2 weeks at her parents AFTER she returns from the U.S. But for her to ask to go back for 1 month after **4 DAYS **of being married is ridiculous.
On top of that she handled it very poorly by asking the MIL directly. A better way would been what another poster already suggested. Running it by the husband & ensuring that the husband is ok with his brand new dulhan being away from him for weeks....and then asking HIM to speak to his mother since the new bride doesn't have a established rapport with her (MIL) yet.
Re: Is there something wrong in this?
After 4 days of being married, a couple would be in that honeymoon phase and wouldn't want to be apart being in loooove. Alright, Yeah I guess that does make sense since she'll only be gone for 1 year. That phase should be heaven for most brides. I'm learning a lot.
Re: Is there something wrong in this?
She might be feeling really homesick.
Regardless, its unwise to spend so much time away from your husband and marriage right at the start. You cannot keep one foot in each door...otherwise you will never really be able to claim either home as your own.
But I can see why she would be feeling lonely and missing mom and dad.
I'd visit but this idea of dividing time halfway doesn't sound right. Not because of society or traditions but because this is the time to make your place in your new life.
Re: Is there something wrong in this?
I can see where she's coming from... newly married, homesick and sad that she is going to be away from family for a year. Since it is so early into her marriage she should have discussed with her husband first and figured out what's acceptable to both of them. And then, ideally, asked her husband to help communicate this to his parents.
Is there a better way they can all spend time together without it seeming like nayee bahu has run off to her parents? Maybe plan a family outing together and include both families, even if it's just for a weekend? That way the girl's parents get to know their son in law as well. She can then spend a week or two with her parents towards the end.
Is there something wrong in this?
She had only been married for four days, maybe she felt her MIL was approachable enough for her to ask her on her own. If she hadn't done that and gone through her husband as the avenue and MIL created a stink, we would of been telling her she should of personally talked to MIL about her plans. You can't expect a four day old bride in the family to know how to be diplomatic off the bat. She'll slowly learn it as time goes on. All Op said was that her mum in law wasn't in favour of it, doesn't look like there was any drama so ultimately she should do whatever after her husbands input. Splitting time for one month between the two families before a long trip sounds very reasonable to me as long as the couple is doing it together (unless her husband isnt even there and is already in the US) then I think it's more than reasonable. The thing here is the time apart right after their marriage but Op hasn't given any details to that. Maybe they're already apart and that's why she asked MIL instead of her husband. I think it's very fair, if both her and her husband are house hoping together. If there already apart, than I think one months time is super fair considering she's at her inlaws alone anyway. It's so easy for us to play 1 year off as "oh it's not forever. She needs to stay with the in laws." A new bride who has to move away after her wedding is going through a lot of emotions, it's only natural for her to want to spend her few weeks left with her parents considering she hasn't been out of the nest for too long and it might be her first time if she's never lived away.
I am curious, why only 1 year? If its for her husbands work, 1 year doesn't seem like enough or unlikely ? But maybe Op, you can clairify few things..
Re: Is there something wrong in this?
Yup that's what I'm saying. I have no idea if she's spoken to her husband and what his views are. I felt she hasn't told anyone yet.
She will be living in us with her mil and bro in laws.
Re: Is there something wrong in this?
She made the request on her honeymoon btw as she left for honeymoon after 2 days :p
Is there something wrong in this?
^ So where will her husband be the whole time?? Where is he now and in that case, her request was really reasonable, at least the girl asked. So she's going there with the inlaws?? Then I reallyy see no problem..
Re: Is there something wrong in this?
She will be living in us with her mil and bro in laws.
So her in laws are going with her to the US? Where is her husband going to be?
Anyway, if she's going to spend a year with her in laws, then it's only fair to want to spend a month with her own parents.
Re: Is there something wrong in this?
Its right to time to create a phadda. Take a firm stand and refuse to go to US if you are not allowed to visit your family for 1month.
Re: Is there something wrong in this?
Either OP’s friend is not getting along with MIL…or…they both share good rapport and she felt comfortable enough to ask her MIL. She could have first asked her husband or even her parents about this. If her parents had called MIL and discussed her staying with them for a certain time period before leaving for the US, it may give her more wiggle room 
Maybe MIL is against it because she wants her DIL to become familiar with her in-laws and another reason could be to prevent gossip. Some people might wag their tongues seeing that the girl has returned to her parents’ home so soon after marriage and is staying for a rather long time. Op’s friend is new to this; she will learn along the way what/when/how to say and do things…and she will stumble many a time while doing so. I think the important thing now is how she handles her MIL’s response…because that will impact in this matter later on. Hopefully at a later point, MIL will be okay with DIL spending a 2-3 weeks with parents.