is there any space for reconciliation here?

[redvelvet]

Re: is there any space for reconciliation here?

@multinicked

Now my brother is really upset and he already told mom this morning that he finds NO point in continuing any relation with her because he doesnt want to bring her back and get into the same situation 2 weeks later where he has to be confronted directly by her dad instead of her talking out of anything bothering her. He has tried talking to her earlier and she tells him she is happy and all and every other week her dad comes up saying she is not happy and blames my family for it.

^The above attitude is not going to help the situation.

Multinicked, I agree with you that your bhabi needs to have the maturity to discuss situations with her husband (your brother) before running off and complaining to her parents. She also needs to understand that her behavior embarrasses her partner…and results in a marriage with a lack of privacy…that can hurt it. LEKIN…if your bother also firmly decides that he’s not going to pick her up…which is an ego issue…then they both are just going to stay in separate houses and this whole mess will not be solved. You can defend your brother all you want…and I agree that your bhabi was wrong…but if this marriage is going to work, then SOMEONE has to be the BIGGER/MORE MATURE person and drop the ego. It has become an “ana ka masla” for your brother to say “woh pehl karay gi…main nahin karoon ga”…nothing will be solved.

1. A relationship takes the mutual efforts of both people. Your bhabi made some mistakes…but who knows…maybe your brother might have unknowingly made some mistakes as well. Agar tum baar baar apnay bhai se kaho gi ke bhabi ne ghalat kiya hai, bhabi ne ghalat kiya, bhabi doesn’t respect you…then you’re going to fuel the negativity and turn him more firmly against her. You are his sister…your words have do have some affect. What I’m trying to say is that…everyone knows k bhabi did the wrong thing…baat khatam. Don’t keep repeating this…and instead have a discussion to calm your brother down and find ways to FIX this problems and prevent it from reaching the divorce stage.

2. Here’s a possible idea: Your brother can (after some time) go to bhabi’s home…ONLY TO DISCUSS THE MATTER. And he should calmly discuss the problems in private with his wife (without involving her parents). He needs to listen to her concerns, and talk about his issues. HE should tell her that it is embarrassing for him to be questioned by her dad for every little thing and that it’s breaking the trust in the marriage. If bhabi’s parents get involved…then I suggest that he talk to her father in private…without the crying/emotional drama of bhabi influencing her father. Talk to her father in private…if he gets invovled. And your brother can let her father know (calmly) that he doesn’t appreciate being questioned for everything.

^Then your brother can say that "My purpose was to discuss our issues…which is what I feel should have been before hand. I’ve had the discussion, I’ve done my part. When you (as in bhabi) feel that you are ready to come back home…then give me a call and I’ll pick you up.

****Maybe the idea of bhabi being the FIRST to call…might make your brother feel better about picking her up. Her making the phone call would show her willingness to come back…and would perhaps appease his feelings.

During the discussion…your brother can be honest and tell her (and even her father, if need be) that he feels frustrated as well…and that they should think about the pros and cons of all situations…living together and a separation. The mentione of a separation could scare them enough to think about their own actions. Just discuss the matter…give her time to think…and tell her to call if she wants to come back.