Sometimes, the "reasons" are not the real reasons. For example, loss of interest in a spouse can result in blaming an intrusive friend, mother or any other relative.
Some people, when they are no longer having fun can make financial stability as an excuse.
In a marriage where couples have a strong will to make it work, the a above mentioned points may exist but only as minor irritants and not lead to divorce.
All of these categories can have description in depth for real "reasoning" behind the separation but looking at the entire picture is more credible. Infidelity, poor communication, lack of commitment to the marriage, irreconcilable differences, inability to manage or resolve conflicts, sexual problems, failed expectations of your spouse, and other things can lead to a divorce. A marriage is on the rocks when the lines of communication fail.... Change in priorities, this can be caused by having kids or due to ones job, big things.
I had a very interesting conversation recently with a lady who professionaly counsels couples who are going through rough marriages.
She said that the following are the top 3 reasons why people seek divorce:
Selfish desires [which includes invasion of their independence, inability to give up relationships that are a threat to marriage, etc.].
Family influence [such as in laws pointing fingers towards the spouse, surprisingly, moms of girls are more influential it seems].
Financial instability.
There are many other reasons but these seem to be on top of her list. I've been witness to at least 2 recent divorces which fell under category 2.
I had a very interesting conversation recently with a lady who professionaly counsels couples who are going through rough marriages.
She said that the following are the top 3 reasons why people seek divorce:
Selfish desires [which includes invasion of their independence, inability to give up relationships that are a threat to marriage, etc.].
Family influence [such as in laws pointing fingers towards the spouse, surprisingly, moms of girls are more influential it seems].
Financial instability.
There are many other reasons but these seem to be on top of her list. I've been witness to at least 2 recent divorces which fell under category 2.
Opinions?
About 1--I have personally heard several people say that they loved married life--just not with their ex-spouse. Most people I know who married did so with the intention of seeing it through permanently and divorce was never an option. they understood what married life entailed, however the person tey were married to weren't willing to work it out.
I am a firm believer that unless there is cheating, or any kind of abuse going on, any marriage can be salvaged--if the parties are interested. Otherwise, if a person isn't into staying married, then no amount of reasoning will keep them there
As for money, yes finances don't make a marriage but they can certainly break a marriage. It all depends on the couple's attitude towards money, if a man is working and making good money yet he makes his wife feel like crap for spending anything--that's hardly a good attitude and can definitely break down things.
Now a days people get divorce like it means nothing. We've grown so much in the past 10-20ish years, anyone and everyone can be independent, and independance is what we seek. That can sometimes clash with a marriage, you have to make a marriage work from both sides with cooperation. So yes I do think it's people more then the problem.
But as for the positive, we've come to see that sometimes divorce is the answer and just because someone is divorced, doesn't mean they're not a good person. As oppose to years ago, when a woman was divorced she was looked down upon.
As for money, yes finances don't make a marriage but they can certainly break a marriage. It all depends on the couple's attitude towards money, if a man is working and making good money yet he makes his wife feel like crap for spending anything--that's hardly a good attitude and can definitely break down things.
financial goals have to be agreed upon, to show it from another angle, some stress that I see is that women feel they cant spend as they wish (especially if they are also working) and in their spending sprees really just impacting their own and their kids' future. My view is just because one can afford it, does not mean one must buy something.
I had a very interesting conversation recently with a lady who professionaly counsels couples who are going through rough marriages.
She said that the following are the top 3 reasons why people seek divorce:
Selfish desires [which includes invasion of their independence, inability to give up relationships that are a threat to marriage, etc.].
Family influence [such as in laws pointing fingers towards the spouse, surprisingly, moms of girls are more influential it seems].
Financial instability.
There are many other reasons but these seem to be on top of her list. I've been witness to at least 2 recent divorces which fell under category 2.
Opinions?
People ask me the why question a lot. Why did it happen and why this and why that.
If I were to pinpoint exactly what one thing went wrong...its not possible. I dont think there is one big reason why it happens. Its always a mixture of multiple things that leads to a breaking point. If my husband was a great husband but had some female friends he knew how to keep as just friends...that wouldnt be a reason for me to divorce. If my husband's mother was mean but he was great...that still wouldnt be a reason to bail. If finances were tight but our relationship was healthy...still wouldnt bail.
Its never just one thing.
About 1--I have personally heard several people say that they loved married life--just not with their ex-spouse. Most people I know who married did so with the intention of seeing it through permanently and divorce was never an option. they understood what married life entailed, however the person tey were married to weren't willing to work it out.
Thats exactly it. A friend once made an interesting observation. She said: have you noticed that when we speak to someone thats been divorced, they're actually really nice. All the accusations of the ex seem so weird when compared to this person in front of them.
The ex's are great people on their own separately...just not together.
In my opinion it what in the heart that is one's intention that counts.
When both husband and wife think of each other as FAMILY and treat each other like a family and not like someone whom one can now use and abuse just because you are married with him/her marriage will never ends in divorce and it is just not the woman's job efforts should come from both end and when there is a good intention to make the marriage work to give rights to your spouse to fulfil your duties and to love & respect your spouse all problems and I mean all problems can be tackled.
I have seen people saying that how they can get another wife but not another parents true but that really shows how of a family you think of your wife and this mentality from both can kill a marriage. I have known a woman who divorced her husband just because he dad told her so and really did not put in any effort and in my opinion such people don't deserve to be married who divorce their spouses just because mummy daddy na kaha tha really such people don't think of their spouse as family and don't have the mental qualification to be married.