Is she over-reacting?

[pinkyy]

A dilemma with one of my closest friends:

There’s someone in her life,and both of them intend to get married,and his parents would visit her home with proposal next month when they will be here in town.
She has a youngest sister who is 18 yrs old,and turning to be 19 in three months. So, once he insisted for her to show him her family, she showed family picture to him,and there he saw his sister,and started praising like,her sister is so tall,slim,etc.Then he kept enquiring about her,and she didn’t mind him asking about her.Then he started teasing her like,he wishes that,once his parents would come to her home,instead of asking for her hand,they should ask for her sister’s hand for him.And she again didnt mind it,because she thought he was just kidding.Then he asked for her number,and she gave him her number also because she said she trusts him
So, now, for the last few days,he has started sending her text messages, not so frequently, but like, an sms in a couple of days.But according to her, her sister barely replies to his sms,and he has told her not to share this thing with her elder sister because if she shares,then that means,she doesn’t respect him.when she forced his sister to show the sms,it was mainly he talking about her elder sister.
But,now,my friend doesn’t like it him sending sms to her sisters,because according to her,he is trying to hide the sms he sends her,so perhaps his intentions may not be good,and starting like this,he may start writing more to her.When she talked with him regarding this,he told her that,he was surprised her,she was being jealous for her own youngest sister,and he said she is being insane,though she says her youngest sister isn’t a kid anymore, and told her that,since she is over-reacting, so it’s fun to keep on bugging her this way.So, she has asked her sister not to reply to his sms, though she isn’t sure if she will or will not.
So, what according to you people is the solution for this? Who is on the wrong side? That guy,or my friend?

[hanibal]

Re: Is she over-reacting?

Your friend is certainly spoiling the party for her boy-friend, she should give him his space and let him flirt with her sister and after that flirting and etc etc, if boy-friend want, get married to him only to listen how good her sister was in certain things including looks and etc...

For starter, your friend should bring her sister whenever she is meeting him and during the meeting she should leave both alone and have a walk in the park for hour or two....

[mirage]

Re: Is she over-reacting?

this is all so messed up. for a reader of course, but the main person i.e your friend has all of it so clear in front of her. From all that we read, looks like the guy is already after her sister. So there is no more scope for her to be in this relationship if she can help it.

1: she should decide whether the guy is good and trustable enough to be given a chance which I seriously doubt. coming to a definite conclusion will help her decide things for her.

2: once she is done with that guy she needs to have a composed talk with her sister. tell her about the things, the fluctuations of the guy's behaviour because from what I see the things happening, the guy will be approaching her sister the next, so the sister who is an adult already, should be prepared already if she is willing to swallow the bait or will be taken unaware.

im sorry for the situation your friend is in, anway, it must definitely be quite disturbing for her.

[zobia]

Re: Is she over-reacting?

ask her to ditch him before he do it.

ps. for future ask your friend to keep reference to other alive women as minimal as possible.

[Demilitarize]

Re: Is she over-reacting?

there is hanky panky going on.
guy is flirting
friend should grow a brain

[jaan_leva]

Re: Is she over-reacting?

You can *ANALYZE *the situation but... why?

Abandon-ship. :D

[kakee]

Re: Is she over-reacting?

but he's talking about the friend to the sister..

[pinkyy]

Re: Is she over-reacting?

@kakee

but he's talking about the friend to the sister..

Yes, but she thinks perhaps he is trying to be friends with her this way, which may go further....

[kakee]

Re: Is she over-reacting?

how?
my sister does this to my SO and he thinks its cute!

why doesn't she confront him if she's so insecure?

[queen_24]

Re: Is she over-reacting?

@pinkyy

A dilemma with one of my closest friends:

There’s someone in her life,and both of them intend to get married,and his parents would visit her home with proposal next month when they will be here in town.
She has a youngest sister who is 18 yrs old,and turning to be 19 in three months. So, once he insisted for her to show him her family, she showed family picture to him,and there he saw his sister,and started praising like,her sister is so tall,slim,etc.Then he kept enquiring about her,and she didn’t mind him asking about her.Then he started teasing her like,he wishes that,once his parents would come to her home,instead of asking for her hand,they should ask for her sister’s hand for him.And she again didnt mind it,because she thought he was just kidding.Then he asked for her number,and she gave him her number also because she said she trusts him
So, now, for the last few days,he has started sending her text messages, not so frequently, but like, an sms in a couple of days.But according to her, her sister barely replies to his sms,and he has told her not to share this thing with her elder sister because if she shares,then that means,she doesn’t respect him.when she forced his sister to show the sms,it was mainly he talking about her elder sister.
But,now,my friend doesn’t like it him sending sms to her sisters,because according to her,he is trying to hide the sms he sends her,so perhaps his intentions may not be good,and starting like this,he may start writing more to her.When she talked with him regarding this,he told her that,he was surprised her,she was being jealous for her own youngest sister,and he said she is being insane,though she says her youngest sister isn’t a kid anymore, and told her that,since she is over-reacting, so it’s fun to keep on bugging her this way.So, she has asked her sister not to reply to his sms, though she isn’t sure if she will or will not.
So, what according to you people is the solution for this? Who is on the wrong side? That guy,or my friend?

Jo insaan shadi se pehle hee apni girl friend ko tang kerke itnay mazay le raha hay wo baad me is ka kiya hashar karay ga!!
seriously!! Leave him! he is certainly NOT the guy she is looking for!!

[icicle1]

Re: Is she over-reacting?

what i gather from this...he's trying to flirt with the little sister...meaning he isnt really committed to you because as soon as he saw some other glittery thing he's started paying more attention to you..sorry but ppl can be like that. the fact that he's saying you're jealous of your sister, or he's just teasing you...uhm he's manipulating her and ppl can do that to justify their own wrongdoings. i guess be careful and try to let go.

[S02]

Re: Is she over-reacting?

dump the guy. why would she want to spend her life with a loser who doesn't value her?

[Southie]

Re: Is she over-reacting?

Your friend should run away from this guy and consider herself lucky.

[Reha]

Re: Is she over-reacting?

He is a pervert...she needs to dump him now

[Deeba1234]

Re: Is she over-reacting?

^Agree.. and imagine what could happen when he comes across a load of her female cousins if he's like this..

[Mad_Hatter]

Re: Is she over-reacting?

I don't know hardly any guys who would casually flirt/text/etc etc about their fiance's younger sister. In fact, that's the exact danger zone that most of them avoid in order to NOT get into trouble. He should be respectful to them female relatives, that's a given - regardless of how friendly/jokey he is being - so clearly he's trying to look at getting in there with the sister.

She needs to tell him to stop putting her sister in an awkward situation or tell him to sod off.

[redvelvet]

Re: Is she over-reacting?

He sounds like a creep…and I’m surprised at how slowly your friend reacted to this situation…she sure took her time in getting annoyed…and even now she still hasn’t fully woken up.

I doubt that this guy would like it if your friend was showing that much of an interest in his brother (older or younger). But of course…when it’s a guy doing that…it’s “no big deal.” LOL.

Tell your friend to wake up…he’s showing her his true colors this early in the game and she still thinks that the problem will be resolved simply by telling her sister not to respond to his messages. Sorry for sounding harsh toward your friend…but how DUMB is that! Once he marries your friend…he’ll be in closer proximity with the younger sister. Tell her to move on and find another guy.

I wonder if your friend has a low self-esteem problem where she’s so hell bent upon marrying this guy when the red flags are staring her in the face. Or perhaps I’m wrong and she has just invested so much emotional energy in this guy…that it’s hard for her to give up on him. It’s easier to break off relationships than engagements and weddings. She still has time. What this guy is doing can create problems in the relationship between two sisters.

Pinkyy, if yor friend has requested that you ask advice on her behalf in this thread…or even if she hasn’t and you don’t think she’d mind that you have…get her to read the responses you receive here.

I don’t know if this would be a good idea…but I’m curious to see how he’d behave around your friend’s sister…if they were all to meet.

[annie_bibi]

Re: Is she over-reacting?

nip the evil in the bud!