Is My Behaviour Justified?

Lifestyle Relationships
1

Generally speaking I’m very helpful and to an extent a kindhearted person.

Alhamdulillah, I usually get good grades at college, so many ask me for help and I willingly help them out to the best of my ability.

I have a set of friends/acquaintances with whom I share my entire work/assignments without any hesitation. I let them read it over. This provides us with the room to discuss and make corrections. Often we speak to the professors if necessary. The reason why I so freely share my work with this group is because all of us start on our assignments way ahead of the due date and keep working at it till we believe we have got it done correctly.

Then there’s the 2nd group with whom I reiterate the basic concepts and generally help them out, but I don’t necessarily let them have a look at my assignment, as this group of friends/acquaintances leave everything for the last minute. I feel it’s unfair that they get to copy my answers and get away easily, where my friends and I had to put in so much hard work. And once in a while I will let them go over my final copy of the work.

Anyway, this one particular individual in my class does not bother to show up often and often leaves the assignments to the last minute. Since he is quite smart I often let him go over my work to get the basic idea, as I know he will not be copying it. Often times I brief him on the basic ideas and let him do the rest on his own. He regularly photocopies my notes for most of our subjects and I have no problem with it.

I do not look for people to thank me or anything, but this individual, after getting so much help from me, tells me I’m “weird”. More or less because I spend a lot of time studying and put a great amount of effort to prepare for my quizzes, tests, and the exams. For instance, I often skim through the entire book before the midterm/final examination, do hwk qs (that I got work), and go over prof’s notes. I do it because it really helps me do well on the tests and exams. So he said I’m “weird” and I didn’t mind. Then again, a few days ago, I helped him out so much with this assignment and the end he tells me I’m “weird”. That really ticked me off. To the extent that I no longer wish to help him out.

I was supposed to leave my notes for him to photocopy yesterday, but I did not:

  1. because I wasn’t at all in touch with him for the last few days
  2. because I’m ticked and I do not want to help him out anymore

Then again, he messaged me to photocopy my notes sometime next week. I told him I’m very busy and I cannot make any promises. So he asked me if he could borrow my notes (for diff. courses) tomorrow. I told him I got a class, then gotta see a prof, then gotta go somewhere, then I got a class after, so NO!

I sort of feel guilty, but then he doesn’t show up to classes often and has the guts to insult me (not once, but twice).

I’m confused and wondering if my behaviour is justified or should I let him borrow my notes and continue helping him out?

2

nope you did the right thing…that’s his problem, heshould go to class and stuff.

Last semester I had this class with an acquaintance and she hardly ever went and would always ask me to sign her in…she always ended up getting As on the exams, and i got a C :bummer: ..but i hardly ever complained because she’s a sweet person and I know she woudn’t object if i did the same

then I had a class this semester, with another friend, and six weeks into the semester, he hadn’t gone to a single class..he would ask me for my notes and handouts and wud give me that weird look and shake of hte head when I said no

back then I used to feel guilty bout not helping friends out, but now I don’t really give a crap

3

** Sadiyah ** they are your notes & you shouldnt feel bad if you dont want to share them. he's just using you & than insulting you for doing something that he NEEDS!!! im suprised you nice enough to let him borrow your notes.

no remorse!!! you have done nothing wrong. if he wanted something from you, he should at least be curtious.

4

Sara516, yeah I get what you're saying. I'd still help people even if they end up getting marks than myself.

hhs4462, he does say 'jazakillah for your help', but then I got "you're weird" not just once, but twice.

What's the use of saying "jazakillah for your help" in the first place?

Plus, he has helped me with my assignments and other stuff in the past, but the fact that he insulted me twice has totally ticked me off.

5

r u sure he's insulting u?

my friends and i used to say that to each other all the time.. all it means is that "hey u have a different way of studying than i do"

nothing personal or insulting at all..

i had a friend like that during my masters.. hehe he would say jazakallah all the time and then still think i was retarded.. no offense taken then.. its casual talk

6

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Sadiyah: *
Sara516, yeah I get what you're saying. I'd still help people even if they end up getting marks than myself.

hhs4462, he does say 'jazakillah for your help', but then I got "you're weird" not just once, but twice.

What's the use of saying "jazakillah for your help" in the first place?

Plus, he has helped me with my assignments and other stuff in the past, but the fact that he insulted me twice has totally ticked me off.
[/QUOTE]

perhaps u should just tell him that it offends you.

7

sadzzz, he's a mere acquaintance. We joke around once in a while, but he was dead serious when he said it. Had it been a close friend of mine, I wouldn't at all have minded it.

hhs4462, nope he's old (approx. 22) enough to know what's right and what's not. If he is going to insult me, then forget me helping him.

I only want to figure out if I'm correct on my stance, or should I still go ahead and let him borrow my notes to photocopy.

Not to forget, exams start next week and continue till mid Dec.

8

[QUOTE]
Originally posted by Sadiyah: *
sadzzz, he's a *mere acquaintance. We joke around once in a while, but he was dead serious when he said it. Had it been a close friend of mine, I wouldn't at all have minded it.

hhs4462, nope he's old (approx. 22) enough to know what's right and what's not. If he is going to insult me, then forget me helping him.

I only want to figure out if I'm correct on my stance, or should I still go ahead and let him borrow my notes to photocopy.

Not to forget, exams start next week and continue till mid Dec.
[/QUOTE]

dont' give in , stick to ur guns

9

perhaps that his way of breakin the ice really and movin up from just being an acquaintance to being a friend...speakin so frankly and all...

if i were in ur position, i'd bring it up once, and then let it be...see what happens after that...either he shapes up and stopping callin u weird or whatever, or he'll just stop buggin u for stuff altogether...

i alwayz say, better to get things clarified than to keep 'em lingering on for a while...just creates more of a mess later on :)

10

u LOVE him :eek:

11

I felt bad last night so I decided to bring my notes, but he didn't show up to class. Oh well..his lost, not mine.

hiccup: I'm sorry, but you're terribly wrong.

12

Sadiyah, I didn't read your post in its entirety, but I feel I got the gist of it. You don't have to be mother Teresa to people that don't appreciate you. I help my friends all I like but I also expect them to do the same for me when I need it. If someone's only using you, then there is no point feeling guilty for turning them down. It's only fair. I am not sure why you're upset, that he called you weird or that he needs you to be his saviour because he's too cool to do his own work. I say you show him the boot next time, or try this, ask for his help on the next assignment and when he shrugs his shoulders, tell him he's weird.

13

Sadiyah, if he ever says "You're weird", ask him "how comes".

You never know, his explanation might be completely harmless and he might not comprehend that he's offending you.

Of course, he might come out with an offensive comment and at that point you should kick him in the nuts and walk away while he cringes on the floor....

14

hmmm

Sadiyah

i’ll give u the goody goody advice which i’m not sure i’ll be able to follow myself if i was in this situation but i do think its the RIGHT thing to do..

its possible that maybe you’re being too sensitive abt what he said. i do that sometimes too, take offence by ppl’s remarks when they dint intend to be offensive. so jus ignore it and help him.

at max if u jus r not being able to let it go then jokingly mention to him “oh i’m weird” and see what he says? like try to bring it into the convo somehow but dont seriously ask him abt it as it might get awkward. if he was being mean with u im sure he’s gona realise it at some point and regret it himself. the best thing for u (and also the hardest :bummer: ) is for u to jus let it go and continue to be nice to him

and btw i think its really great mashallah that you are so generous about helping others with their academics coz not everyone is :slight_smile: u’re gona get the ajar for that from Allah swt

15

.

16

hayaa, if I ask him for help, he'll be more than happy to help me out. What enraged me so much is the fact that I stayed up late helping him and in the end I get 'Jazakallah for the help' followed by 'oh and you're weird'.

mAd_ScIeNtIsT, I have a feeling he could be having a positive definition for 'weird', but the fact that I stayed up so late (and I usually do if others need help) at night and in the end I get 'you're weird'. At that time I didn't have the brains or strength to decipher his comments. And it is only because of this doubt that I'm still willing to help him out.

irem, yeah if I see him next week and have my notes on me, I'll let him photocopy. Hopefully, this is the last time I will be having any classes with him, as from now onwards we're going to have different schedules (I'm in co-op, he isn't), insha'Allah.

17

:)

18

well agar ye sari courtesy sirf iss liye k woh smart hay and yeh saree uljhan sirf USS kee waja say hay toa i bet maamla kuch aur hay.....as far as sharing notes n ideas in student life izz concerned toa i think therez nuthing wrong wid that coz i believe u learn more n more while ur discussing things wid ur fellows...han agar problem positions lay na k hay toa mera khayaal hay apnay original notes share kerna isnt recomended ......