is it wrong?

Lifestyle Relationships
1

Keeping our cultural and religious thoughts aside…

Suppose you’ve been in a relationship for a long time (4 years and up..married or single). The time you spent with your partner was great. But as the time went by…things changed and you just don’t feel the same way anymore about ur partner. Say you’re simply not happy anymore or you don’t look forward to spending time with them anymore. Keeping in mind, you’re not attracted to anyone else at all. Meaning you’re not cheating on your partner in any way. Would it make you a bad human being if you feel you don’t want to be with them anymore? or Should you just keep hanging on to that person thinking it won’t be fair to them since they haven’t done anything that would make u wanna leave them.

2

Re: is it wrong?

I like to believe relationships are very simple things. They should be kept separate from culture and religion for the most part. Having said that, the bottom line though is that in any relationship two people should stay together for as long as both of them are happy in it. When one or both feel they are unhappy or feel they have emotionally moved on, they should communicate and do so. That is best for both.

My fiance and I are getting married soon. We have a simple rule. We love each other and make each other happy and we'll stay together as long as we continue to do that. When we no longer share that concept, we will move on.

That is no way means we are cold or harsh. Its a comfort that we are mature, sensible adults who share love, respect and everything in between and want to share it for as long as we live but if we change into people we can not share the same feelings with, we will not stay in the then unfulfilling relationship for the simple sake of it.

3

To answer your question, no you have done nothing wrong in considering to leave your husband/boyfriend. We can't live life by doing our spouse a favour and staying with them just because they are nice. You have needs, you have wishes because your a human being.

Maybe also go deeper and try to figure out why you aren't attracted to him anymore?
There is no easy answer. But in order to make him happy, you have to be happy too. I hope things work out for you.

Legendary Shabnam arrives in Pakistan today. Welcome !
4

One simple question. God forbid , you get physically handicapped, you still love him , but you do not make him happy anymore, so he wants to get out of the relationship when you need him more now because of your handicap. Would you happily let him get out of this relationship ? I know your answer will be yes I would , but it is easier said then done. Relationships are much more than keeping each other happy all the time, most of the time. Relationships are more complex than that .
What about when you both are so old when the priority changes from keeping each other happy to giving each other company ? What are your plans for that period of life.
I am trying to understand another perspective on relationships . I am not trying to put you on the spot. Your viewpoint has intrigued me that is why I am trying to understand .
If you get offended in any manner my apologies in advance.

5

I guess for many members of these forum keeping religion and culture out of the equation will be very difficult so you will not get an unbiased opinion , you will be better off posting this question in some secular forums then . I also thing due to this restrictions of yours many member might choose to stay out of the discussion. What do see wrong with bringing the religion and culture into the equation ?
I might be wrong.

6

Re: is it wrong?

If its just a bf/gf situation I would leave it without even thinking twice about it. Hey if there's no longer any spark to the rel'p... nothing holding you together... then why sacrifice your happiness just for the sake of the partner's? Doesn't make much sense. If he/she truly loves you, he would want you to be happy rather than in a loveless burdensome relationship. You dont owe him/her anything. Better to leave the relationship before it progresses to something you totally cant back out of.

With marriage, I would think it over several times. It's not so easy to leave a marriage... a lifelong commitment just for changing emotions. Sometimes the monotony of married life and the mundane makes us lose value for those we love.... so I'd try every method possible...to make it work... change things up a bit... take a vacation with the spouse (or away from the spouse)... to kinda start things anew and make the relationship as fresh adn exciting as before.

7

hmm because culturally, once we make a commitment, we're suppose to stick to it until the end.. no? (that's what I think...could be wrong)

Religiously, why bring religion in when the religion doesnt even allow the situation you're in, which would be being engaged and being in a long term relationship. Correct me if I'm wrong.

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Re: is it wrong?

i believe people do grow up together and can sometimes grow apart- you evolve, your interests change, sometimes you just want to see what life is like outside of the bounds of your existing relationship. be prepared for the other person to be hurt/taken aback if they haven't sensed something is up already. but so long as you feel like you have nothing positive to contribute to your situation, i think its best for you both if you moved on.
i do agree with riya though- if its a marriage, make sure you've tried every which way to make things work as it is a huge commitment you've made to someone, ideally for life. there are lots of options in terms of counselling and therapy to try but even then, these would only have a chance if you wanted them to. if you've already made up your mind, then the deal is done- its time to move on.

9

agreed!

10

First, I am not offended at all but thank you for considering that.
When I say 'keep happy' I don't mean every single second of every single day. We're humans, we have bad days, bad weeks, sometimes we don't snap out of it for quite sometime. That in no way implies that since we are having a bad week and if we both are slightly unhappy, that we move on and find other partners. My point was about a situation when one or both partners feel, over a period of time, that no matter how hard they try, they cannot make this relationship work. If they are than unhappy -- we move on.

If one is handicapped, there is no guarantee the other will automatically become unhappy?? Our simple concept does not force the literal concept of 'happiness'. Its simply the fact that we both will always try to make things work. Like i mentioned, "we want to share this for as long as we live". So we don't take this concept as an easy, non guilty way out by any means. Its simply a comfort that we have not for our own sake but for the sake of the other person -- you can't make your partner happy if you're not happy with him/her.

Easier said than done? We've been together for 6 years, we've had our fair share of problems and 'unhappy moments' that we have very well overcome. We both have excellent communication and the kind of relationship most people find enviously amusing.

We do everything to be together because more than love, we share 'like'. Sometimes we have a bad day and don't exactly 'love' the other person. On those days we think of how much we 'like' them. Thats when their character, their values, how much you respect them kicks in. Our relationship is bigger and better than love. It's not as weak as love alone. And because of that, we have always made our relationship work through the toughest of times. We're fighters for our own cause but only as long as we know there is one.

I hope that answers your questions.

Six (6) Girls of GS [GS Colouring Book - Session 10]
11

Thanks for providng this insight into the psyche of relationships.

12

Re: is it wrong?

^ I'd say you're welcome but I don't appreciate your tone.