When someone leads you to think that you’ll be invited to their wedding…and then they don’t invite you…is it ever appropriate to bring it up with them?
and if so…when is it a good time? You don’t want to be the “__ whose causing drama right after my wedding, omgz” but wait too long and you’re bringing it up old stuff thats irrelevant now.
Re: Is it rude?
I don't know if it's worth bringing up. I think it comes down to numbers, but that person should definitely have been more careful.
Why do you want to raise the question?
Re: Is it rude?
I'm just curious to see how it's perceived :D
well, sorry but someone shouldn't say... "I'll let you know, and I hope you can make it" and then not invite someone--that's pretty b*tchy and sends a clear message..
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^ Yeah I agree. But I don't know if it's going to help anything.
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It’s not but Im guessing the satisfaction of making soeone at least a little embarrassed/unocmofortable is worth it 
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LOL That's true. Who cares if s/he thinks it's rude? I think I would be tempted too :p
Re: Is it rude?
I would say let it go... see other threads on here where people are fighting with their families about guest lists etc... those issues are stressful for people so cut her some slack!
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inquire about it...but don't ask why you weren't invited...she might mention why you weren't invited...could be budget issues
Re: Is it rude?
When someone leads you to think that you'll be invited to their wedding....and then they don't invite you...is it ever appropriate to bring it up with them?
and if so...when is it a good time? You don't want to be the "__ whose causing drama right after my wedding, omgz" but wait too long and you're bringing it up old stuff thats irrelevant now.
Many people have issues with budget or "limits on hall" and this effects their guest list. At the end, when push comes to shove.....family and CLOSE friends are always given preferance.
That being said....if someone didn't invite me, that means that I'm not their "family" or in their "inner circle". And if I'm not in their "inner circle"....that means they're not in mine either. I would never bother asking "why" I wasn't invited. Since I'm not that close to them to begin with....it wouldn't matter to me that much.
Now....if it's a close related family member that doesn't invite you to their wedding (ex. 1st cousin!)....then that's a whole different topic. :)
Re: Is it rude?
^ Heh. first cousins, "friends", etc...it's just funny, they use you for whatever, and act two faced and we're supposed to shut up and take it quietly....because god forbid if you call them out on it, you're the bad person. Oh well. :)
Re: Is it rude?
^ Heh. first cousins, "friends", etc...it's just funny, they use you for whatever, and act two faced and we're supposed to shut up and take it quietly....because god forbid if you call them out on it, you're the bad person. Oh well. :)
If someone uses me once...shame on them. If they use me a 2nd time...shame on ME. :)
I have a FEW close people who I consider "close friends"...and of course, I have my parents/siblings/fiance...and am close to 2 1st cousins. Everyone else (including other extended family members) are "acquintaces" in my book. I keep in touch with them....but at the end of the day, if a situation warrants it, I will not hesitate cutting them out of my life. To be honest....I have actually cut off all contact with one of my dad's sister's and her kids b/c of their...let's just say drama. Back in college...I ended a 7 year friendship b/c of some cr*p a friend pulled.
Personally, I don't believe in "calling" people out on anything. If I believe someone is using me or brings any sort of negativity into my life...I simply cut them out. Yes, at times I may have to see them at other people's events and be polite...but that's not a big deal to me. It's not that I "take it quietly".....I choose not to waste my time and energy on people who're simply not worth it.
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That's a sensible and mature way to handle it.
:)
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Yeah its rude and the host should have been much more tactful.
However, after all these weddings and such in my family I've begun to see its not about who you WANT to invite. Its about who you CAN.
Sometimes when it comes down to choosing between a friend someone isn't that close to or some auntie your mom has to have there...the choice is hard.
I wouldnt get too worked up over it.
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Don't say anything to that person. Take the higher road and let it go. You'll get rewarded for it later InshAllah.
Plus, showing her that you were offended may give her the "upper hand." What if she was being bit*hy on purpose? Why make her feel like she succeeded? You're kind of making her and her wedding really important to you by bringing it up NOW(after the wedding) and I don't think that's what you want to illustrate to her. If anything, she's most likely going to go around telling her family and friends that "so and so came up to me and was complaining about how I didn't invite her to my wedding, how immature!"....and she'll turn it around on you and make you look bad. I'm sure you can reply to what I'm saying by thinking "I don't care what she tells people"...but honestly, why get your name out there like that?
I think showing her that you don't care and that it doesn't bother you will affect her more in the long run. I'm sure in the future when she does run in to you or hear about you she will remember that she didn't invite you and the fact that you didn't say anything to her may make her feel bad or guilty. I feel people like your friend are more "intimidated" or "scared" of others when they know they did something wrong to them and the victim(you) never openly makes an issue of it...seeing the maturity and composure from you becomes kind of intimidating and it kind of gives YOU the upper hand in the situation. And if this is something that's bothering you A LOT then you can decide today that you won't invite this person to your wedding. That way it'll be fair and you'll feel like you're "even." I don't believe in revenge...but hey, sometimes you gotta do watchya gotta do :)
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Just ignore it! I had a friend who got married this summer (july) I have known her since I was 15 and im 24 now so 9 years! I attended her engagement 11 month prior to her wedding ... She would talk about her wedding etc etc like I was invited then 1-2 months before her wedding she even asked me if I would be in town for her wedding I told her yes .. then I don't hear from her AT ALL! Now this is someone who I called my friends so the day before her wedding I wrote to her like "Hej whats up, what are you doing" and she was like "Im so excited fr my wedding tomorrow" so I wrote back "I can understand that, but what do I know since there is no invite for me" she then wrote "you can come if you want to, the address is XXXXX" ... I didnt write back .. but she still writes to on FB etc like nothing ever happened ... she even wrote to me the other day hinting that I sould invite her to my wedding as she had never attended a Punjabi wedding and knew that my family goes all out ..... All I could think was "HAHAHA! You wish!" :D
Atleast now I know how much she considers med her friends ... not so much ... I find it incredibly rude when people do that .. and even after the wedding I found out that she invited some of MY friends that she has only meet once ... they did not attend her wedding and asked me if there was something wrong with her .. I was quite upset, but now I just don't care!
Re: Is it rude?
^ Heh. first cousins, "friends", etc...it's just funny, they use you for whatever, and act two faced and we're supposed to shut up and take it quietly....because god forbid if you call them out on it, you're the bad person. Oh well. :)
It's a strange situation. If you plan on seeing them after they are married, you may want to bring it up. I think it would make you feel awkward though. It's not even about the wedding, it's about the amount of value that person placed on you as a "friend", etc.
I don't know .... let us know what you decide if this is a real situation.
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***Happened to me on two occasions when I was positive that I was going to be invited and was even thinking beforehand how to arranage my scdedule, only to meet the couples at some party and coming to know that they already had their wedding. It did hurt a tad as I considered myself as a part of the inner circle and found out I was not.
I just congratulated them and went the other way. They didn't mention anything after that but was invited to another of their parties soon after and I just couldn't make up my mind on going or dropping out! :(***
You should just forget about it really. If its like a CLOSE friend or cousin then maybe be like how are the wedding preps going. But just don't let it bother you.