Is it our fault ladies?

[diwana]

Re: Is it our fault ladies?

30 minutes?

O M G! Whole 30 minutes to keep children?!!! That's torture! :D

These women should be kept waiting longer,.......... and this will teach them not to make up excuses OR if they are not making up excuses, this will teach their husbands to be patient.

[X2]

Re: Is it our fault ladies?

being right doesnt give him the right to be an a-hole about it, esp implying that she's a bad mother or not as good as a parent as him.

what if he is a better parent? what you wrote saying, " i do a better job and next time you should do this' could be a fact and not a taunt, and stated so she also does what is the best thing for their child. in such situations the important part is the kid and not egos.
difficult messages have to be given in a diplomatic manner but can't be sugarcoated or the importance may be lost. factual, friendly, forthcoming..thats my recommendation.

[Reha]

Re: Is it our fault ladies?

@X2

its not that ladies make their husbands into the men they complain about so much, its more of what kind of sons ladies raise, and what kind of jackasses ladies introduce to their daughters for marriage, and what kinda decisions girls have to make at an age where they may not be ready, and what kind of pressures they are under to put these assclowns into some sort of kings throne where he can’t be arsed to do anything

that is the issue.

I do agree that women can do a better job of raising our boys.

@Niksik

My husband can’t wait for an opportunity to spend alone time with his daughters. Just today he and the older one were planning a rock climbing activity. The dads you talk about are the loser dads who think that bringing home the paycheck is enough to earn the rank of a parent. Forget letting the wife go on a 1 hr salon trip, they would probably complain about taking the kid to the loo. Fault of their mommies.

See I KNOW there are better men out there for sure…which is why I am so surprised to see this behavior. Some women are forced to bring ALL of their kids with them because hubby won’t watch them too.

There just seems to be so much of this in our culture…where women are constantly playing martyr and men can’t be bothered. Why can’t we just share?

@NaMaan

Rehaaaaaaa stop spoiling our women

You’re just upset because now you might have to change a diaper or two…

[Niksik]

Re: Is it our fault ladies?

being right doesnt give him the right to be an a-hole about it, esp implying that she's a bad mother or not as good as a parent as him.

Actually, I hate to say this but many women don't want help from their husbands because somewhere deep down they know their husbands will do a better, if not as good a job as them. Also, many women just like to whine about their husbands...as to how useless they are and that they can't even get up for a drink of water bla bla...because it makes them appear like martyrs. Many wives don't give as much credit to their husbands as they deserve.

[queer]

Re: Is it our fault ladies?

some things puzzle me. i agree with most posts on this thread - a dad should be able to take care of his kids just as well as their mom, more or less. what puzzles me though is on the nadz123 thread, everyone was against letting the dad caring for the kid when their mom was going to give birth. this makes me think life1 is full of people who just yap a lot.

[Sara516]

Re: Is it our fault ladies?

Actually, I hate to say this but many women don't want help from their husbands because somewhere deep down they know their husbands will do a better, if not as good a job as them. Also, many women just like to whine about their husbands...as to how useless they are and that they can't even get up for a drink of water bla bla...because it makes them appear like martyrs. Many wives don't give as much credit to their husbands as they deserve.

Really???

For a very long time (back when I was single :o) I always felt that if I'm I'm not working, then bulk of chores is on me, and if I'm working, the distributions of chores should be equal.....and it wasn't just me, I knew many girls back then who felt the same way...they felt that that arrangement is fair...not becuase they want to baby their spouses.

Then again, maybe comparing chores isn't really the best example since most of the examples seem to be about raising kids and not housework.

[Silver_Falcon_Of_Kashmir]

Re: Is it our fault ladies?

...

[Niksik]

Re: Is it our fault ladies?

some things puzzle me. i agree with most posts on this thread - a dad should be able to take care of his kids just as well as their mom, more or less. what puzzles me though is on the nadz123 thread, everyone was against letting the dad caring for the kid when their mom was going to give birth. this makes me think life1 is full of people who just yap a lot.

The problem in nadz situation was that she didn't WANT to leave her little daughter with her in laws.

[Niksik]

Re: Is it our fault ladies?

Really???

For a very long time (back when I was single :o) I always felt that if I'm I'm not working, then bulk of chores is on me, and if I'm working, the distributions of chores should be equal.....and it wasn't just me, I knew many girls back then who felt the same way...they felt that that arrangement is fair...not becuase they want to baby their spouses.

Then again, maybe comparing chores isn't really the best example since most of the examples seem to be about raising kids and not housework.

That's fair, but I'm talking about an attitude.

[X2]

Re: Is it our fault ladies?

Really???

For a very long time (back when I was single :o) I always felt that if I'm I'm not working, then bulk of chores is on me, and if I'm working, the distributions of chores should be equal.....and it wasn't just me, I knew many girls back then who felt the same way...they felt that that arrangement is fair...not becuase they want to baby their spouses.

Then again, maybe comparing chores isn't really the best example since most of the examples seem to be about raising kids and not housework.

You have a sensible approach. The division of total tasks has to be equitable. This is slightly different, but needs a similar pragmatic approach. Anytime things get excessive there is an issue. In my city the 'girls night out' phenomenon has exploded and ladies seem to doing something very frequently, and I suppose once a week is fine, sometimes they have multiple events over the weekend, and the dude is left playing baby sitter most of his free time off. thankfully begum is sensible and I have not had to be in that situation but have friends who have worked 60 hour weeks and then play babysitter most of the weekend.

[Monk]

Re: Is it our fault ladies?

So where I work, most of my clients are female. A good amount of these women are married with a child or two.

They make an appointment, come and the whole time they're there...in a state of panic.

Why?

Because "my husband won't watch my baby for more than 30 minutes/half an hour"

My face says: WHAT?!

Your husband won't watch his OWN kid for more than 30 minutes? And why is that?

"Because he's just not used to handling them and I'm usually there and blah blah blah"

So my question is...do we do this to ourselves? Make our husbands into the men we complain about so much?

is husband desi?
is wife desi?
or is there kid desi?
is the place desi?
or the come there for some desi business.
Are you desi..
There are so many things unexplained here.

How could have a thread with out those words?

[Noor93]

Re: Is it our fault ladies?

It is a lot of people's fault.
A mothers because she always teaches her child that a women is there for chores.How does she do it?She is a living example of that.A mother also hardly tells a guy to do anything,it is always the girl she is after.

A Wife's, because she calms her husband down by making sure only she gets up at night to manage the baby. I know a lot of grown up men runaway from diapers.

[Monk]

Re: Is it our fault ladies?

^its your fault.

[Barfii]

Re: Is it our fault ladies?

My husband used to take his baby sister to work with him and look after her there when his mum had to go help deliver a baby. (This was in Pak and his buisness was just across the road from the house). My hubby will happily look after our daughter if I have to nip out somewhere or am busy with something around the house. M'A, he is a real hands-on Dad and I love that about him; it makes me love him even more.

I have my MIL to thank for that...!!

[Decent_6Chora]

Re: Is it our fault ladies?

It takes two to clap.

If by any chance you ended up having such hubby, you should put responsibility on them every-now and then. I have seen many times ladies saying 'o nahi. YEEEE kahaan daikheen gai sahi sai bachoon ko' . Take my words, 'YEEEE' will take care of kids well without you poking your nose in but only if you give him chance.

Problem with many such ladies is that they want husbands to follow exactly the same parenting style which sometimes (or most of the time is not possible). My own begum was a bit reluctant (or suspected) in early days of our kids about my abilities why? because her way of parenting is way too much protective while I am 'throw them in water, let them swim' sort of guy. Does that mean I care less? NO. She realized that pretty quickly and now she get jealous when my prince and princess choose me over her for outdoor activities. ;)