In an arrange rishta setting where both sides families met and then the girls family met the guy and now before taking next step which is to have the guy and girl meet…is it ok to say before this next step or after that any formal announcement would only be made in nov after the girls bros who live abroad come down and meet the guy?
Is this reasonable? Meanwhile the guy and girl can get to know each other better in ofcourse reasonable capacity like chat/calls. And both families can also get a better comfort level with each other.
What are your thoughts? I am confused. I know myself being a broad minded person i would think its fine but don’t know how the families involved would take it.
I don't see anything wrong with it. It's a good opportunity for both sides to make sure that viewpoints/personalities etc match before a formal commitment is made
I agree! I guess people brought up here in Pakistan and have lived here all life would find it a bit strange or hard to digest.
This is for a dear friend who you can say is feeling all confused right now. She wants time, time to evaluate the match. This is what I suggested to her but i am not too sure if even her parents would think this is the right thing to ask of the guys family. They has say just say no if you are not sure but it's too much pressure for her.
The opinion of any immediate family is just as important. Brothers are skilled to comprehend situations better than your parents, more than often. Certainly worth a wait before giving the nod.
The opinion of any immediate family is just as important. Brothers are skilled to comprehend situations better than your parents, more than often. Certainly worth a wait before giving the nod.
Another thing which came to my mind was that can the girl perhaps discuss this with guy when they meet that she had like to get to know each other before parents proceed with a formal announcement?! And that when her siblings are over they can meet and get to know the families better?
This could backfall also as he might feel dramey kar rahi hai. Gosh why is life so difficult.
^ well look at this way, if the guys side balks or takes offense that she’d like a little time for the families to get to know each other before and for her brotner to meet them before making a formal announcement, then maybe it’s a sign that they have different ideologies…this may be the first sign/test of wether or not it’s a compatable match because I don’t think her request is unreasonable
But like i said, i believe majority of Pakistanis would have issue with this. So that had mean her idealogy (rather mine :p as i fed her this idea) conflicts with all.
All this and move make me never want to get married.
hmm… i dont know… what if the guy and girl get an understanding going, parents get along… and then one sibling comes down and has an issue. then?
ive been through this myself… siblings that are aborad were kept in the loop with bios, and updates and even skyped with potentials. but we never let a rishta wait around for a physical meeting unless it was right around the corner.
btw… we are 4 siblings… and 3 are married. we never all agreed on one rishta for each of us. there was always one of us siblings that had an issue… end deciders were always the guy or girl in question and the parents. i think those are the main players.
but no harm in suggesting? they may not wanna wait around for that one sibling to fly down and give their verdict. kiss kiss ki understanding hogi or is imp?
also.. since this is an arranged rishta setting… i dont know many families that would wait around for 4 months so the guy and girl can get to know each other … most parental units say… u have met her 2-3 times.. aur kitna milo gay bhai? .. infact both guy and girl side have issues with this… and then end on a beautiflu note “understanding shaadi ke baad hothi hai” .. lol
But the engagement can happen only when siblings are here so the wait us going to be there just that most people would be satisfied with an oral yes.
However seriously for something imp as a marriage decision 4 months is nothing. Why not get the time to be better understanding of each other and the comfort shared within families.
Hey i agree totally... we took our sweet time and the families understood... unfortunately, some dont. Especially if you were.to say oh our son or daughter lives abroad, woh ajayein phir final bateingay... most rishtas dont hang around for that. Unless they arent "shopping" elsewhere... which is rare.in arranged.rishta set.up.
Yes.official enagagement.can take.place when everyone has come.over... thats understandable
I'd think it's perfectly ok for them to look at their options while waiting! I mean both sides are getting to know each other and if there is something good they wl hold on otherwise if some other better option comes up its their bloody right to move on.
It's all about kismet at the end of the day i guess!
Another thing which came to my mind was that can the girl perhaps discuss this with guy when they meet that she had like to get to know each other before parents proceed with a formal announcement?! And that when her siblings are over they can meet and get to know the families better?
This could backfall also as he might feel dramey kar rahi hai. Gosh why is life so difficult.
On a positive note, if the guy has no issues with this, there, you have a mutual understanding already.
I think guy and girl should meet and start getting to know. Girl's brother can come and meet any time and if he does not like. Girl's family can stop pursuing rishta. Life is not complicated at all.
^ exactly! But why is it so hard for some people to understand this. Believe me, i myself am quite conservative and believe in good character and all but to me this is not wrong or anything immoral. This is just being sure as much as you can and atleast not having the regret later that i didn't take my time. I would never suggest anyone anything i had never do myself and i do feel my friend is in great confusion and i believe this should make things easier for her. Otherwise she would just say no in her confusion and perhaps let go of what could be a potential good match. What's the harm in waiting and figuring out? At most the guys side would look for more options side by side so what that's ok. Kismet is the key word!
I would totally say that. I can't imagine ever picking my life partner without my brother either approving or meeting him before hand. My bro and i are very close and his opinion and understanding of matters means the world to me. In fact, same goes for my sister. if my sister doesnt meet the potential, i wouldnt decide a 100% either. Both my siblings need to have met, talked and hung out with the potential guy before i make the final answer. They both know me and my personality inside out so they would be best judge of how well i would get along with this person. Their meeting this guy would be crucial. Nothing wrong with telling the rishta family that :)
The girl shared her feelings with the guy and he said han wait karne main koi issue nai agar abhi bas confirmation mil jaey! Uh huh. Crap!
Parhey likhey jahil.
The reason to ask for time was not only to have the siblings presence and participation if there be a celebration but primarily to have their view about the whole proposal. Also, upon her asking if he feels they can keep in touch to what he said well i have seen that get complicated so i don't think it's a good idea. Ok chalo i will give the dude credit for this but the first one is a red flag. Logon ko kyun itni jaldi hoti hai? Mere chote bhai behen bi hai....ooook! So big deal. Kar lo ja k shadi kisi aur c my friend wl not become balli ka bakra actually bakri :p. Heheh! Actually don't know if i should laugh or cry because she is again feeling distressed kya karon na karon, pressures and all.
