Okay! So, I know a guy for around 10 months. We are planning to involve our parents in June, that’s when his parents will be here in this country. One thing which has been disturbing for me is that, it doesn’t seem he is that involved in our relationship. I don’t feel much of vibes, love, care, etc from him. And it has been so right from the beginning itself. Because of that, I’ve suggested breaking off everything between us & going our separate ways many,many times but that is not acceptable to him. He hardly takes initiative to call me. Even if I send him text messages, most of the times he doesn’t respond to them. Most of times he kinds of give me missed calls to call him back. Most of the times when we’ve had long conversations on phone, it’s always me calling him. It just seems he is just too careful about spending money on me or calling me. I am not someone who expects gifts, etc, but expecting phone calls, is it too much to ask for? He runs his own business & does tell me that he does make good amount of money. But he tells me that I should understand that both his parents are diabetics & so he has to look after them and that, his sister is a medical student, and so, lots of money are required for her fee. And he says the main reason he isn’t able to give me that much time on sms and phone calls is because he works hard whole day & so he needs to concentrate on work as he does need money.
One thing which i know is that, he isn’t that into me. So sometimes I wonder if I am into something which is dead end? Well, I’ve been fed up of his this behaviour, and so, i had talked about break up many,many times. So, the last time, after he made up to me after i talked about breakup, he made me swear to God that I wouldn’t breakup with him again. Well, since he persuaded, I did take the swear. And in return, I made him take the swear as well. But for last few days, I just brought up this topic of swearing, then now he is declining to admit that he took such a swear. Since he is declining to admit it, I wonder what could be the reason? Perhaps he is thinking of breakup with me himself . He tells me that if he really took the swear and then if he breaks it, then it will be between him and God, why am i getting so bothered about it
What you people gather about all this? Is it me being immature here? Should I be more understanding? Or if he is upto something? Or is he just leading me on? Is it something dead-end for me which may not end up in marriage later on? Please help me that how can i find out? Is there any way?
Yes, there is no future for you with him. If he can't give you time now, what makes you think he'll be able to give you time when you become his wife? Sorry to be so blunt, but I think you need to move on and don't even think about introducing him to your parents.
You have already been with him for 10 months. He said he will involve his parents in June. You just have to wait for 2 more months. Be patient. If he is serious, he will send his parents to you. No guy sends his parents over if he is not THAT into you. Till the time he sends the parents over to you, just be normal. What do you have to lose? You seem to be mature enough to accept the guy's behaviour and I think you will be ok to end things amicably if he doesn't send his parents in June. Yes, he should be making more efforts but you should give him benefit of doubt. Don't make yourself more involved in the relationship. Just wait for 2 more months and prepare yourself to end things if he doesn't send his parents.
If you have some other proposal and you need to be clear now, end things now. But if you can wait till June, wait for his parents to come over. If nothing happens when his parents are here, end things and move on.
...or how about cutting off all links and setting him a condition that next time you will speak to him when his parents actually initiate the proposal.
since you are under an oath, dont initiate a break up .. but behave in such a way that he is compelled to break up himself :D and yes, THEN it will be b/w him and his God (like he said too) !!
in short, he is not worth a relation. even if you two get married eventually, he will only change for worse and he wont be wrong when he will say ' main hamesha se aisay hee tha '
since you are under an oath, dont initiate a break up .. but behave in such a way that he is compelled to break up himself :D and yes, THEN it will be b/w him and his God (like he said too) !!
in short, he is not worth a relation. even if you two get married eventually, he will only change for worse and he wont be wrong when he will say ' main hamesha se aisay hee tha '
Maybe others are right that he doesn't seem to be giving you enough attention. But just reading your post, I found myself quite annoyed. Constantly being asked if I want to break up and being pestered with long messages can be a turn off.
Maybe others are right that he doesn't seem to be giving you enough attention. But just reading your post, I found myself quite annoyed. Constantly being asked if I want to break up and being pestered with long messages can be a turn off.
Try backing off. See what happens.
I've tried doing that many times, but that's when he would start behaving very sweetly & kind of forces me not to breakup. But after that, he is usually back to his normal self where he seems to be very busy & doesn't really give me time & attention. So, that's what is making everything confusing for me that whether I should be more understanding or the fault is with him only!!
You're focusing on the wrong issue. The parents are scheduled to meet in 2 months......so you can easily wait that short time to see if this will lead to marriage. If the guy (and his parents) are willing to accept you into their family....then an engagement can take place within the next few months. So you don't have to wait too long to find out whether or not this will lead to marriage.
BUT here is what you need to seriously think about. The way his personality is right now.....that will NOT change after marriage. Do NOT marry a man hoping/thinking he will change his behavior after marriage. So if any part of his behavior right now botheres you (him not spending enough money on you, him not returning your texts/calls, his lack of enough attention to you etc.)........understand and be aware that this will most likely continue after marraige. He runs his own business and looks after his parents.....those responsibilities will not go away after marriage. If nothing else, after marriage, having to worry about supporting a wife and kids will add MORE stress on him financially. So you need to seriously think about whether or not you can deal with his behavior towards you for the rest of your life.
Personally, I don't really care about the above. It's not relevant in what the OP is asking.
There are women who want a man to spend money on them. And yes, I personally know women who make plenty of money on their own but still expect the men they date and/or marry to spoil them with gifts. And there are other women who don't care about such things. On the other hand, there are plenty of men out there who have no problem spending tons of $$ on women they're with (gf's or wives). And there are men who're more conservative in that aspect.
"WHY" a woman wants a certain type of man doesn't matter. It's a pointless argument/discussion. What matters is that she chooses a man who will fulfill her individual expectations (same goes for men...they should focus on finding a women who will meet their expectations). There's someone out there for everyone. What men and women need to do is find the one who fits their needs.....instead of hoping that the other person's behavior will change after marriage.
Our desi society still believes in marriage and Islam mentions that the family's financial responsibility is on husband although he also has to take care of her parents even after his marriage. Marriage is NOT an old custom for Pakistanis and people DO get married, many of them not even engaging in sex before marriage.
If you don't think these values are good, its your view. But you cannot simply insult our society, our values and our religion. Majority of people on this forum are Muslim and Pakistani and value our society and religion alot.
. He tells me that if he really took the swear and then if he breaks it, then it will be between him and God, why am i getting so bothered about it 