After all the replies, I think I am the one who is not thinking straight.
I dont have any kids yet. I am living in the UK. I am 22 and I still have to finish my degree. I am going to school full time an d. That's what bothered me the most that I am not the position to land a decent job for another 2 year or so. It seems like I have to struggle alot to get to the life I want.
I think about it too much. Sometimes all I can focus on is this and it just depresses me. You guys are right, I am just confused and I dont know what I want from life.
This has alot to do with family pressues too from my siblings and from the extended family. If one person is doing better than the other, people love to rub it onto your face. I guess they enjoy it when the other person gets hurt. I strongly hate that part about our culture that we don't get to have our own lives but everyONE interferes. For example, I was talking to an aunty who is really close to us and I was telling her about my plans for further studies and she goes " Tum shayad apne husband ki help kerna chahti ho werna itna perhne ki kiya zarourat hai " ...Damn it!!...I want to do it for myself. And when my husband said something similar, it hurt. I guess now u can probably get the psychology behind it.
I was sort of pushed into the marriage. I was quite young at the time and I didn't know that If I take a stand ..would I be doing the right thing and that was also because people were playing games with my mind. So I listened to my parents. And I am happy with my marriage. I guess I am still focussing on what people have to say rather than focussing on ourselves.