Is it gossip or fair disclosure?

Lifestyle Relationships
1

I found out something about a person I know who I used to hold in high regard and who I assumed was naik and shareef. The information dispels by belief in the person’s naiki and sharafat.

I personally don’t hold with spreading gossip - when someone tells me something I keep it to myself since it’s not my place to share the information with anyone else.

The thing is if you hear information about a person that is true and opens your eyes to their reality but the person is only peripherally connected to your life, should you refuse to listen to the information as the sharing of information is or may be considered to be gheebat or gossip OR is it right to have full knowledge about a person’s true character so you can make an informed decision about them and your association with them?

2

The person who told you this info is a periphary connection, or is the person you held in high regard a periphary connection. It is not too clear the way you wrote that. If it'as the former, I wouldn't pay it much regard; and if it's the latter then it shouldn't make much difference anyway.

Bottom line, don't spread the gossip, especially as it seems to come from a sketchy source.

3

The thing was I was singing the praises of this one girl I know (she's an acquaintance rather than a friend) who comes across as really seedhi saadi, etc. The person who I was saying these things to is closely connected to the "seedhi" girl and she filled me in on the truth about the girl and there is no doubting the veracity of the truth-teller.

Like I said, I've no intention of telling anyone else - I don't spread gossip. But my question is about listening to gossip. If the gossip is true and allows you to see someone for who they really are - should you listen to the gossip. I feel guilty for even listening to gossip BUT I also don't want to give praise to someone who's not deserving or is a hypocrite, ergo my confusion.

4

That makes more sense now. Well you can't stop from listening to what someone tells you so there is nothing wrong with that. Obviousy your mind has been tainted by what you've been told, so it will be difficult the next time you meet her. But do your best to treat her the same way. It's a tough situation to be put in. :-/

5

Sehrysh,

How deeply involved are you with this individual? I can understand having the "right" to know of a person's character for rishta purposes......or if you might be doing business/professional work with the person.....of if he/she will be moving in with you, etc.

But, if it's someone whom you don't see on a regular basis....someone you see only occasionally.....i don't think you have the "right" to know. The word "right" to me sounds like "ENTITLEMENT".............and it just doesn't sound "right" to me, lol.

Let's say that you've heard negative things about this person from someone.....okay........so from now on just limit your contact with this person. Just maintain a distance if you think that ANY association with this person will affect your reputation, etc.

^Think of it as "being alerted or being on your guard".........as opposed to having the right or sense of "entitlement" to knowing about a person's gunnahs. Because although many of us are not murderers, thieves, rapists, etc.......I'm sure that many of us have made our mistakes/sins.....and would not feel comfortable with others feeling they have the "right" to know about them.

Once again, you do have MORE of a "right" to know about a person's true character for purposes like rishta, business, etc. If knowledge about their past mistakes is not going to impact you or your life....then it seems odd to think you have a "right" to know.

Some other things to consider:

1) Consider the source that is telling you this information about this particular individual that you once thought was really naik and shareef. There are always two sides to a story. People can be jealous and say negative things about others out of spite. Even if one doesn't have negative feelings, it's possible that the person sharing the information with you has "misunderstood" or "misinterpreted" the situation and is seeing only one perspective of it.

2) People repent their mistakes, learn from them, and move on from them. If they were to dwell on their failings, it would be harder to progress forward and become better. And if people were to throw their failings in their face all the time, that would also hinder progress.

6

Re: Is it gossip or fair disclosure?

I don't know your situation but generally speaking, I wouldn't completely believe something when it comes from a third party. Also, if that acquaintance was always right and proper with me, i wouldn't let someones opinions affect the way I am with that person. THere's always a chance that things were twisted around or altered to make the story sound more interesting, and if it's any of my business I'd rather hear it from that person...rather than believe anyone else, u know?

I firmly believe that blindly believing what someone else says and changing your opinion on someone because of those comments or whatever, is just as bad as indulging in gossip. IMO.

7

Re: Is it gossip or fair disclosure?

Sehrysh how would you like it if someone was speaking about you on an issue that someone else had told them that attacks your character and reputation?

Each issue that you question, try to make it personal and see how it affects you and see how would you like it if you were on the receiving end.

In your case. This is not a court trial. There is no concept of fair disclosure in gossiping. And yes you will be gossiping.

8

Re: Is it gossip or fair disclosure?

I agree with everyone that gossip should be taken with a grain of salt and not be blindly believed. But I'm stuck on the idea that the seedhi sadhi girl is misleading me and I'm giving her credit for being something/someone that she isn't.

I usually base my opinions of a person on my own experiences with them. If they've done right by me, that's all that matters. But what if my judgment is totally wrong and the person is merely putting on an act with me? And I have every reason to believe that what I've learned about her is 110% true.

Without going into the details of my own situation, the closest analogy I have that might describe my conundrum would be like me or you finding out that a male community elder has left his wife and married another woman (second nikkah). On one hand his life and choices don't impact my own life directly or how he interacts with me - but all of the goodwill and respect that I have for him changes based on this information. Am I better off not knowing and continuing to treat him as I always have or is it better to know the truth about his failings as an individual so I can base my opinion on his true character?

9

Also, don't blv what people say. Judge for yourself Sehrysh :)

No one has the right to speak about anyone's character or reputation.. ignore all gossip and move away if you can.

10

Re: Is it gossip or fair disclosure?

Who would you gossip to and why *would you wanna spread gossip? I really dont get that.
If this person is close to *you. Then ask that person i've heard this and that. By their reaction you will probly see. But just remember this is between Allah and that person in the end. And if you go and spread gossip your no better than the person that told you.

11

Re: Is it gossip or fair disclosure?

Regardless of what you say to defend your actions you are in fact gossiping and spreading information about other people. Generally a bad thing to do.

12

For some reason, I always think gossiping refers to talking negative and UNTRUE things about people behind their backs. If its true, why would it be a sin to listen to it from someone else? You, hoever, should then not spread it further unnecessarily.

For example, if a colleague tells u that he saw ur friend's husband in the shopping mall with another woman, then u should enquire further details from your colleague. Only when ur sure its true, don't go around telling everyone in the world, but just let ur friend know of the truth.

Thats not gossiping, is it? Even though ur talking about him behind his back, but ur telling the truth to ONLY the concerned ones and just tryina help ur friend. ??

Also, is talking about celebs considered gossip too?

13

After a day-long drive, I'm back on GS - how pathetic of me! But I'm really stuck on this question and of all of the responses, BBQ, seems to have understood my question - I know the fault is mine for failing to explain myself.

So here goes another try. I AM NOT INTERESTED IN SPREADING TALES ABOUT ANYONE - I will NOT turn around and share the information with anyone else. The information comes from an extraordinarily reliable source - there is NO DOUBTING the veracity of the information.

In light of these two factors, my issue is does listening to someone talk about a third person constitute gheebat even if the information being disclosed about the third person is TRUE and allows me to know the other person's true character better?

Or should I in all instances refuse to listen to or participate in a conversation where someone is talking about a third person because the act of talking about the third person is gheebat?

Maybe this question is better answered in the Religion Forum.

14

Re: Is it gossip or fair disclosure?

In my personal opinion you can't gossip with an empty room. You can only gossip with someone else. So yes. But listening is not as bad as spreading the rumors yourself. You listen and shut up. Best policy I have seen yet on gossip.