Ok so… wat if you had a crush/loved on someone… to the point that you wished to get marry to him/her but then he/she got married. And then you realised after sometime keh shukar hai you didn’t… coz either he/she was a loser or in this case… his mother is and you end up feeling horrible for his wife and upset at him for not standing up for his wife and not realising that she is pareshan and overworked. And how his mother has made a massi out of the poor girl in just six months.
Is it right to feel that thank god you aren’t in her place? … it is such a selfish feeling. So want to go and help her out and hug her tight and want to make her feel special/happy.
Subbo, it’s possible that maybe the girl he married is better equipped (personality wise and emotionally) to handle the challenges that will come with being his wife (such as his MIL).
I think it is written in the Quran that maybe what you desire is harmful for you and what you dislike is beneficial for you. This could the case here. Maybe Allah thought you were better suited for someone else…and He made you see this later.
I think it would be more selfish if you enjoyed this girl’s suffering or if you were smug about it to lessen the sting of rejection. Being grateful without being smug is not selfish. And if you desire to help this girl out and comfort here…then you shouldn’t feel guilty. You have a good heart…few people would even desire to help out the girl who ended up with their former crush. And if you can manage to say or do something that would bring her a bit of piece…then more power to you :k: Just don’t ever tell her that you used to have a crush on him, that has the potential to create a very sticky and embarrassing situation.
^^ ya well....when he got engaged.... i was ok thinking that it wasnt meant to be so ok.... but this girl is frustrated all the time.... u can see that she is tired and pareshan... and its not only her... her jithani and devrani are same.... they were all bubbly and yappers before marriage and now they are khamosh khamosh... its their family and all... but its so annoying to see that why dont their husbands see that they have changed.
her MIL had maids coming in to clean up home and all before they got married as soon as bahu's came all maids were gone and brooms were given to them after two weeks of shaadi. i thought he was sensitive enough to see wat his wife is going through. :(
thanks a lot! :)...... no no... no one knows I had crush on him...... i myself realised it that it was more then normal feeling after he was hooked but then i let it go! :$ ..................after a while.
^^ ya well....when he got engaged.... i was ok thinking that it wasnt meant to be so ok.... but this girl is frustrated all the time.... u can see that she is tired and pareshan... and its not only her... her jithani and devrani are same.... they were all bubbly and yappers before marriage and now they are khamosh khamosh... its their family and all... but its so annoying to see that why dont their husbands see that they have changed.
her MIL had maids coming in to clean up home and all before they got married as soon as bahu's came all maids were gone and brooms were given to them after two weeks of shaadi. i thought he was sensitive enough to see wat his wife is going through. :(
thanks a lot! :)...... no no... no one knows I had crush on him...... i myself realised it that it was more then normal feeling after he was hooked but then i let it go! :$ ..................after a while.
You can attempt helping her, but a marriage is complicated. And you don't want to get too involved to the point that it backfires on you and gets you in some sort of trouble.
See, it wouldn't have made a difference if your crush had married you or some other girls. No matter who he married.........his mom would have disliked her anyway. Some MILS are like that. They're so picky about this girl and that girl....and they're so adamant about their sons only marrying their choice. But the sad reality is that some MILS will never be happy with any girl......not even one they've picked out themselves. They just want someone passive, who won't make them feel insecure, or threaten their authority, and will do their bidding as a servant does. Where do you live by the way? In the UK? Heard several such stories taking place there.
You're not selfish, you're actually a pretty nice person to feel someone else's pain when most in your shoes might actually feel jealousy or contempt.
I would not get involved in these situations because I really dont understand the nature of their marriage and the last thing I want is to be the one causing the stir. If you want to help, maybe you can try to get to know the girl better...hang out with her...help relieve some of her stress by letting her vent, going for a movie, shopping, some much needed girl time.
Its not selfish at all, But if your over this person why exactly do you know *everything *about whats going on in his life? Its not your business, not your husband, and certainly not your mother in law. You cant do nothing about it, So why be botherd?
Again please answer my first question thats highlighted. Thanks!
Redvelvet: ya you are right.... cant do anything much apart from praying for her. Some women are so crazy. God knows why they get their sons married when don’t have to approve or accept the girl. No not in UK. Reha: ya we are good friends...(thats why I know so much) she moved here after shaadi. I think she needs positive energy from outside so she can survive her susral ...... that goes for other two bahus. Namaan: thankyou :) Mixed Beauty: our families are friends for past 10 years. We know everything in and out. Bothered not coz of him but for the girl... all my concern was that I wanted to know if I was being selfish thinking keh thank god I didn’t get married there. And I did got my answer ( I think)
^^ ya well....when he got engaged.... i was ok thinking that it wasnt meant to be so ok.... but this girl is frustrated all the time.... u can see that she is tired and pareshan... and its not only her... her jithani and devrani are same.... they were all bubbly and yappers before marriage and now they are khamosh khamosh... its their family and all... but its so annoying to see that why dont their husbands see that they have changed.
her MIL had maids coming in to clean up home and all before they got married as soon as bahu's came all maids were gone and brooms were given to them after two weeks of shaadi. i thought he was sensitive enough to see wat his wife is going through. :(
thanks a lot! :)...... no no... no one knows I had crush on him...... i myself realised it that it was more then normal feeling after he was hooked but then i let it go! :$ ..................after a while.
This happens to many many newly wed girls ! It's as much torturous as it sounds. Offcourse because they are not treated that way in their parents house.
Subbo you are a girl with a heart of gold. Pray for that girl and pray for her husband and MIL too that Allah give them aqal and put insaniyaat in their hearts. And No you are not being selfish :)
Ok so..... wat if you had a crush/loved on someone... to the point that you wished to get marry to him/her but then he/she got married. And then you realised after sometime keh shukar hai you didn’t... coz either he/she was a loser or in this case.... his mother is and you end up feeling horrible for his wife and upset at him for not standing up for his wife and not realising that she is pareshan and overworked. And how his mother has made a massi out of the poor girl in just six months.
Is it right to feel that thank god you aren’t in her place? .... it is such a selfish feeling. So want to go and help her out and hug her tight and want to make her feel special/happy.
See, its topsy turvy, you end up being thankful you were not in love, so its not love in first place. Its juvenile infatuation. And you are weighing possibilities 'thank God, I was not in the place of 'x' and 'y'. So there is no selfishness.
Thankyou so much! I feel so much better coz when i saw her… and saw wats she is going through… my second thought was “damn wat was i thinking” and then third thought was “oh **** wat am I thinking ”
I am for sure praying for her… you guys also remember her in ur prayers!
wat was i thinking” and then third thought was “oh **** wat am I thinking 
”