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yes…ur version seems to be a better she’r and is more qareen e qayaas.
we read in Qur’an that after adam’s body was created from clay, Allah ne unke jism e Khaaki meN apnii rooH phooNkii aur adam zinda ho gaye to yehii vo rooH hai which indeed we can NOT analyse. and Allah also says man has been created in Allah’s image.**