I’m going to start an open ended discussion here just because I want to see what people in general think about it.
Have you ever been too nice to say no and yet gotten into trouble with your loved ones? Have you ever silently suffered because you thought it was best for all to say shush about it? For instance, your parents unintentionally favors your sibling over you and you do feel kinda bad about it but decide not to say anything because that will only create a mess.
Has it ever happened that no matter how much you try to be nice and keep everyone happy, one tiny mistake and everyone just want to make your life miserable?
In my life, many a times I would feel bad about something or if something is bothering me, I decide to not say anything because I just do not want to be the one hurting others’ feelings. I have stood for myself when I absolutely have to,however, at other times I just try to let things go but they only bottle up inside me and there comes a point I just feel frustrated for thinking too much about others. And if ever I’ve tried to share these feelings with anyone, all I get in response is that “you’re too thinking too much, you should learn to let things go”.
For someone who’s an introvert and prefers living in her/his own world, how would you advice them to stand up for themselves? How would you advice them to keep a balance between being nice/caring for others and looking out for themselves too?
You have to put yourself first no one else is gonna do it for you. Being nice isnt a crime. Being nice to the point where you are compromising your goals and beliefs is an injustice to yourself. We are on this earth for a very limited time. And I believe not striving for the best or fulfilling your maximum potential is doing yourself a disservice
I'm going to start an open ended discussion here just because I want to see what people in general think about it.
Have you ever been too nice to say no and yet gotten into trouble with your loved ones? Have you ever silently suffered because you thought it was best for all to say shush about it? For instance, your parents unintentionally favors your sibling over you and you do feel kinda bad about it but decide not to say anything because that will only create a mess.
Has it ever happened that no matter how much you try to be nice and keep everyone happy, one tiny mistake and everyone just want to make your life miserable?
In my life, many a times I would feel bad about something or if something is bothering me, I decide to not say anything because I just do not want to be the one hurting others' feelings. I have stood for myself when I absolutely have to,however, at other times I just try to let things go but they only bottle up inside me and there comes a point I just feel frustrated for thinking too much about others. And if ever I've tried to share these feelings with anyone, all I get in response is that "you're too thinking too much, you should learn to let things go".
For someone who's an introvert and prefers living in her/his own world, how would you advice them to stand up for themselves? How would you advice them to keep a balance between being nice/caring for others and looking out for themselves too?
I've never gotten into trouble because I was being too nice. Maybe unintentionally screwed at some point, but not in trouble for being too nice per se. Otherwise, I do believe that we need to choose our battles in life. Somethings I'll let slide. For other things I'll stand my ground.
yes, people that are 'nice' to a point of foolishness are being what we call 'too' nice. Now, there's a difference between always speaking your mind, and saying what we'd call unnecessary truths and then there are others whom we refer to as pushovers. Just don't be a pushover.
The theory about introverts as explained by Susan Cain sounds very relevant here and it can be understood but introversion if it leads you to a point of turning into a doormat is excessive and perhaps conscious effort is needed at that point to bring about some personality change.
Personally (and I'm sure it's evident), being an extrovert myself I can't really relate to being too nice and not speak up when I feel someone is taking advantage of me or the situation. In fact I'm more often annoyed by those who don't. Often people respond by saying they didn't want to make a big deal or it wasn't that important and that it's okay, they can handle it. Well if you can handle it and it's not an issue then why are you even bringing it up!?!?
My family and I have been far, far, faaarrrrr too kind to my in-laws and now i'm getting my punishment. Always put yourself first. If you feel like something is wrong...say it. Don't think about what others will feel...if you let them get away with one comment/action...it will lead to a much more. Stop it then and there and it stops completely.
i guess somtimes people actually forget that the other person has feeling that they could be hurt but i guess some people just dont like to hurt some one or will stand by and wtach and not say any thing because they do care.....
take my story.... my mum had always done good for her family...ie parents sisters brothers...
we live in Uk my parents were better of than the rest of the familys...my dad had some shops some houses so my mums family took advantage my mum sent money to her family her neices and nephews always put them first saying...KOI BAAT NI TUM LOGO KE PAAS SAB KUCH HAI UN KE PAS NI HAI UNKA ABU NI KAMATA...WO TORE SE GAREEB HAI...ETC...
so we use to sit and watch my mum giving our things away it hurt because when we needed somthing we had to ask my popo...
my mum made a big bungalow for grand parents... married of her 3 neices that did not have there dad...brought her 2 brothers to the U.K married my sister to her nephew so he could come here brought her mum for cancer opperation then her 2 sisters over 1 with her entire family...then..what happened when every one got better were able to stand on there own feet my mum was abbadoned....FOR BEING TO NICE
scherbatsky: I loved what you shared and its weird because I can't stand anyone else not standing up for themselves and I would instead sometimes do it for them but when it comes to me, I somehow just don't.
Zara23 you're mom is a very strong lady but maybe that's a bit too much? I don't know. I just know that Allah will give her reward for her patience.
Midnight express 91, why do you think just desis have this disease? Isn't that a bit of a generalization?
Who said this is story of their lives only? I am relevant too. Been nice to whoever around me to the level of sacrificing my own comforts. What I found lately was that it was me who was not living for myself!
So to those who say "me first" I salute but do not envy. Though the world is yours, I still seem to try being nice!
I'm an introvet, and there are times when i see past and do not let things bother me, but when someone crosses me i'll let them know. Sometimes you need to stand up for yourself, as someone else said if you wont who will.
in life you will meet people who just want to drag you down, think of this way, they are obviously insecure in their life hence they feel the need to do that. Be strong, like i said being introverted doesnt mean you stay quiet and take it all x
I saw my mother be too nice and keep her mouth shut for too many years and I saw the mental toll it took on her. I learned from that and realised I need to look out for number 1 (me) so no I won't do/say something just to be nice if it directly affects me to do it.