What does an ideal partner look like for you, age wise?
What is your relationship/attraction pattern, do you mostly gear towards older, younger, or people close to your age?
Which age group typically approaches you?
What is the maximum, healthy age difference in relationships?
Does compatibility depend on age?
Which relationship conflicts are based on age differences?
Both married and unmarried input is welcome.
Discuss!
I notice there is no 'marriage' word in your post. Maybe you're keeping it broader. But I'll speak in terms of marriage as I do not believe a 'relationship' can be stable as a marriage.
The two can look best or worst together but without mental compatibility, there's no stability in marriage. Natural age difference (older men/younger women) provide better mental compatibility.
I typically avoid men with 'jahil-woman's syndrome'. ill, negative gossip, back biting causing fights between loving families, revenge tactics at perceived offences, humiliating someone with something they shared due to trust by sharing it with the whole world just to feel better in themselves, to satisfy the 'jaahil-woman' in them but assume they did something 'manly'. All of those & many more is 'jaahil woman's syndrome.
Men who take women as guy, bhens, bakri & herd them as such. Real men don't do that because they're not insecure in themselves. The 'snake' personalities. As we say, 'Aasteen ka saanmp". All these are 'red flag' to me.
Typed out a whole rant but then decided I have no input on the subject after all. :p
When Harris's club ran the half Marathon a 60-year-old woman beat the entire club handily, they were all provincial athletes. If we take care of ourselves, we can stay strong and healthy for a long time. Arranged marriages are like trying to cross the autobahn blindfolded. Mostly seeing them end in a big disaster.
It’s not just a number, is it? When you have fill out certain documents and select you age-range, your age is not a just a number then. When it comes to health and the likelihood of certain illnesses and the need for certain tests, age is not just a number. And in the rishta meat-market, when a woman in her 30’s (let say) finds it hard to find a guy that is her age because the guys that ARE her age (and their mommas) want someone several years younger, age is not just a number is it? When it comes to the issue of it being harder or easier for a woman to conceive a baby, age is not just a number is it? I have seen and heard cases of where girls/women were rejected for being a few days/weeks/months or just a year older than the guy and at that time their age was used against them.
There was a guppy, who said that when you have an age gap of 10+ years, now you’re dealing with a generational gap which can make it difficult to form a connection. I agree with him. Does that hold tru for every couple with a large age difference? No. Exceptions will always exist.
Exceptions will always exist to everything that I’ve said above.
I have friends who insist on marrying a guy that is 7 to 10 years older. That is what they are attracted to. Personally, that kind of gap does not appeal to me. I am wary of large gaps where the girl is considerably older than the guy. Does it work for some? Sure. Again, exceptions will exist. I prefer closer to my age, give or take a couple a years, but closer to my age so that the other person is more relatable. Then, of course, you have to factor in personality, temperament, values, interests, and all that stuff that will make or break an equation.
[quote=““The Last Straw””]
It’s not just a number, is it? When you have fill out certain documents and select you age-range, your age is not a just a number then. When it comes to health and the likelihood of certain illnesses and the need for certain tests, age is not just a number. And in the rishta meat-market, when a woman in her 30’s (let say) finds it hard to find a guy that is her age because the guys that ARE her age (and their mommas) want someone several years younger, age is not just a number is it? When it comes to the issue of it being harder or easier for a woman to conceive a baby, age is not just a number is it? I have seen and heard cases of where girls/women were rejected for being a few days/weeks/months or just a year older than the guy and at that time their age was used against them.
There was a guppy, who said that when you have an age gap of 10+ years, now you’re dealing with a generational gap which can make it difficult to form a connection. I agree with him. Does that hold tru for every couple with a large age difference? No. Exceptions will always exist.
Exceptions will always exist to everything that I’ve said above.
I have friends who insist on marrying a guy that is 7 to 10 years older. That is what they are attracted to. Personally, that kind of gap does not appeal to me. I am wary of large gaps where the girl is considerably older than the guy. Does it work for some? Sure. Again, exceptions will exist. I prefer closer to my age, give or take a couple a years, but closer to my age so that the other person is more relatable. Then, of course, you have to factor in personality, temperament, values, interests, and all that stuff that will make or break an equation.
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So if you have a choice between a very fit 43 year old who lifts, runs, is active, hikes, bikes etc or a 33 old couch potatoe with moobs who cant climb 3 floors..I guess you are choosing the 33 year old then?
Dont worry about finding men in the older bracket, those boys are coming back to the market as damaged goods. All the young desis I was asked to envy for their amazing partners are now divorced and back in the market, many rushing to find submissive wives in Pak.
Judging people by age is ageism, as long as there is free consent and no compulsion than noone has the right to judge. There have been lots of hollywood marriages with big age gaps. Sam is gorgeous, skinny much younger and yet when I took her hiking once, I literally had to carry her. It was really tough for her to swing the axe to chop wood, she learned to butcher though.
It is illegal to ask applicants age in this country, there is no mandatory retirement age also. Alot of times DOB is needed for identification.
Can we have a polite discussion without pointing fingers and bringing others down, for once?
@Bobby1 please be respectful. We should not be using people's opinions to judge their lives.
Can you please point out the specific sentence where I was disrespectful, or impolite? Where we are in our life is a direct result of our choices which result from our opinions and beliefs.
Age is not just a number, and it's quite sexist too. Men of all ages find women in a certain age range very attractive. I think younger women are harder to get but easier to keep, while women with small age difference are easier to get but harder to keep. Women mostly like leaders, men who can see farther ahead than she can and make right decisions for her. Only a man with much more experience will be able to do that, while the one who has about the same experience as the woman will never be able to do that hence will not be accepted as a leader which results in constant fights and unstable marriages.
I get a lot of interest from ones younger than me, which I find absolutely cringeworthy because I can barely relate to guys my age so going younger will be a nightmare. Far too immature for my understanding. As I’m starting to think about this, I’d vouch for an older husband too. 
Someone that can protect me, and lead me through in general. Problem is, older ones avoid me like the plaque. 
I wish I knew why. So, lose-lose situation here.
The question I want to ask is, why would someone avoid a younger prospect?
[quote=““The Last Straw””]
Why is it so necessary to spell out those things in order for the reader to know that those things will also be considered? Is the reader a child or stupid? Of course I will consider fitness and health and financial stability.
Itâs story time. A friend of mine recently got divorced and she prefers to find a guy that is younger. Another mutual friend of ours, who is a doctor, made a ridiculous comment. The latter said that the divorced woman must choose between a guy that is older but will be more mature and help around the house …or…pick a younger guy who is attractive but wonât help around the home. It was the most absurd thing I had head and I responded with …âAre those her only options? Are those the only 2 combinations of men left for her? Can she not find a younger guy that is attractive and also domesticate?â Doctor Sahiba did not have a response to that. I guess stupidity transcends degree and wealth (even if obtained thru real-estate). The 2 options youâve put forth are not the only combination of men that exist in the world.
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I really like to take people for what they write and say on a consistent basis. Many have a history of ageism on this forum, and I have seen many rishtas refused for dumber reasons, caste, creed etc. One of the biggest reasons for not finding the right partner is unrealistic expectations. One has to be very realistic about what they have to offer and what they are looking for and how do they add value to themselves that a person they are looking for would be interested in them.
Just a question, please dont take it the wrong way…your friend that was looking for the amazing young husband, what did she bring to the table? Relationships are an exchange of value. What value did she bring where this young, handsome, domesticated, mature young man would chose her. If she was able to get what she was looking for than her expectations were right and if she didnt than her expectations were unrealistic. It doesn’t have to be that she is really good looking, maybe she is very kind, funny etc!
These things need to be planned and worked on and we can all add value to ourselves. I had seen the trend where women are financially independent and are looking for handsome, kind, charming men and that is the focus of my upbringing where they look as good as possible.
There are many other factors which are not suitable for a Pakistani forum.
How does our parents' compatibility compare to that of today? Our parents' marriages mostly consist of an older man and a younger woman.
My observation with my kids and their friends is that there is a generation gap every four years. Safy’s entire group is totally different from Harris. Most parents compared to younger people are a different planet all together. Safy’s group was all about girls, Harris’s group, guys hang out and they want nothing to do with girls. With my nephews, girls are the bosses at home and they are incharge of major decisions and morality and boys are supporting roles.
Realistically speaking in this world:
Does age matter in relationships? (Unfortunately) yes.
Ideally speaking,
Should age matter? Hell to the no.
Al Chemia is all whats moi importante.
but well what do i know. I'm only the founder of break da taboo, shake da norms movement so will always be on the liberal side of life1 el tema
Oh yeah? Does this mean you’d marry someone 10-15 years older than you, with the right chemistry? I find it dubious.
Nice Espanol, btw. Makes me wonder how many espanol 101 pop-quizzes you cheated on. 
The age difference should not be more than 5 years.
I tend to gravitate towards people my own age. Having grown-up through a particular time period generally dictates the kind of personality you might be. People my age, early 30's, usually tend to be less "woke" and more grounded in traditions, at least the kind that matter. I can't deal with the "me, myself & I" types.
If I have to start a conversation with "back in my day..." or "back when I was growing up..." then we have nothing in common even when it might seem otherwise.
History repeats itself, I guess. Kids are gonna be taking us for a ride in a couple of decades. 
Values, personality type, goals, expectations, etc are even more important than age. My first wife saw me as a heathen, my own family saw me as a heathen. She wanted to raise religious kids and I wanted them to have freedom of choice and no matter what I did, she looked down on me and we argued about every little thing. She praised her fake religious relatives who later turned out to biggest creeps and pedophiles. We are in the same age bracket. I get along so amazingly with my second wife, she is a bigger heathen than I am and we have a huge age gap. No, she didn't marry me for money, protection, etc, she has enough money to last her generations, has a gun.
When I look at her nephews, they married the same age group, they are both extremely charming, you could call them handsome, funny, etc and both have the most miserable unappreciative wives. They seem to have zero respect or appreciation for their men. As per Petersen they really married low and still couldn't get love and respect.
So values, personality type, mutual respect and appreciation, and goals are important and also energy levels. More important than age.
In the case of her nephews, the ladies were the ones who initiated the relationship, having zero experience in females, they both fell like timber. I heard them complain that their parents did not let them socialize with girls and they didn't know how to socialize with girls. So sad the see people waste away in loveless marriages.
While good girls wait for good things to happen to them, put hundreds of filters where even a fly couldn't get thru the more motivated girls are scooping up the good men
While, Pakistani girls wait for Shia, Sunni, Punjabi Pak background boys, Pak background boys are marrying Hindu, Chinese, Vietnamese girls.
Found it interesting that you included energy levels in the list because energy isn’t just about physical connection, but rather the effort put into maintaining a relationship via actions and the vibe you give off to a partner. So crucial but most of us overlook the fact. They say opposites attract which may or may not be the case, but I strongly believe that energy levels must be in perfect alignment despite personality differences. Also, I couldn’t agree more with the good girls waiting for good things to happen. I could even go as far out to claim I was one of them myself.
Loved reading through this and thank you for referencing your personal life to put things in greater perspective.
Great feedback! =)