What is a "good parent" according to you. Some dos and don'ts.
Don't....
1) Compare. Kids hate this. What bothers children the most when their parents compare them to others is the unrealistic perception. Parents need to understand that they don't live with the kid that they are comparing their own child to. So they don't know the reality of that kid. Often times.....(and I've experienced this myself)....children** KNOW** the other kid a lot better than their parents do. And sometimes the truth isn't so pretty. For example....your mom compares you to Suzie saying she's such a good, polite, respectable girl, and why can't you be more like Jenny. Whereas you know Suzie better because you go to school with her and know that Suzie is actually a trouble-maker, compulsive liar, and sexually promiscuous rebel.....who has mastered the art of being the "good girl" in front of the Aunties. (This is just an example...of a very common problem).
2) Control. As kids grow older, parents need to give their kids more choices/options/trust/and independence. Yes, they still need to be supervised during their teen years. But a parent shouldn't be controlling to the extent that they decide everything for their child such as how long their kid's hair should be or what electives "MUST" be taken or what hobbies "SHOULD" be pursued. Or to accompany their child when the he/she wants to hang out with friends at the mall or go see a movie with a decent friend. I'm not saying that parents should be extremely relaxed to they point that kids walk all over them.......but "something needs to give."
3) Cheat. That's right. Emotional blackmail from parents is not cool. Neither is breaking the trust of your children. Neither is playing manipulative mind games. Neither is preaching what you don't practice yourself.
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Do's**
1) Communicate with your children openly and calmly. Listen to what your child is saying. Acknowledge your child's feelings even though you don't agree with them. Acknowledgment is not the same as agreement. Keep in mind that you used to be a kid/teen too. Set examples for good communication skills which involve compromising not control....especially as kids grow older. Conversation doesn't always have to serious and parental. There should be also be room for easy-going, non-sensical, light-hearted conversation as well.
2) Constructive Criticism.....also known as positive criticism. This is done without resorting to yelling and belittling and ridiculing your child. Offer suggestions in a positive way. Also, balance suggestions with praise. When you only tell kids how they should improve themselves.....they begin to feel that there's nothing good about them. To avoid this.....balance suggestions with compliments.
3)** Encourage/Take an Interest:**....Every child is different. Even siblings are not alike in personality. Take an interest in what children are doing. And not only their education. But also take an interest in their hobbies, goals, pursuits.