What is a “good parent” according to you. Some dos and don’ts.
Re: Inviting all unmarried/young guys and gals
do listen to your kid
Dont fulfill every wish of ur kid
hm interesting question.
Don't ever let the fear build in ur child nor enhance the feelings of "dar". i've seen sum parents who tell their kids "yeh nahin kero doggy aa jay ga or jin aa jay ga" or sth along those lines. i just think u shud NEVER do that. The fear really affects a child's life negatively. I know i used to be scared of jins and churails when i was little and that fear was built by listening to stories from freinds. i still get scared sometimes to this day and it's not a good feeling.
Don't ever embarrass ur kid in front of som1 even if they r at fault. i c sum parents yell at their kids in front of their cousins or other adults. i think it affects their self esteem.
Do always support n encourage ur child for the positive things. it often happens that parents want their child to pursue a certain career while kid is interested in sth totally different. i think tat's one of teh things parents really have to b encouraging n supportive about tat if the kid's got talent or passion or interest then let him/her do it.
Do always treat ur girls and boys equally. i know it can be difficult especially when they r growing up tat boys can go out without accompnaying anyone at night but girls need to take some1 along. Even though girls need more safety, I think this aspect should be communicated to girls as to why they need to take some1 (bro, mom or dad) with them esp at night. Because when this is not communicated, then mayb girls start feeling that parents are not treating them equally. Also girls and boys should be treated equally where they can be such as education, career, etc.
Do have open communication with ur kids. I think it's a major factor in building trust with ur child and becoming friends with him/her.
Okay tat's all for now.
Re: Inviting all unmarried/young guys and gals
treat ur son the same u wud ur daughter. listen to ur kids.if ur going to be be strict,tell them the reasons for being strict yet give them the nice freedoms. be watchful of ur kids tho not crazy im going to attach a tracker on ur bottom shoe crazy. be nice to em talk to em spend time with em nd give em personal growing space
Re: Inviting all unmarried/young guys and gals
o o nd NEVER EVER compare ur kids to someone elses in a bad way. thats crappy
What is a "good parent" according to you. Some dos and don'ts.
Don't....
1) Compare. Kids hate this. What bothers children the most when their parents compare them to others is the unrealistic perception. Parents need to understand that they don't live with the kid that they are comparing their own child to. So they don't know the reality of that kid. Often times.....(and I've experienced this myself)....children** KNOW** the other kid a lot better than their parents do. And sometimes the truth isn't so pretty. For example....your mom compares you to Suzie saying she's such a good, polite, respectable girl, and why can't you be more like Jenny. Whereas you know Suzie better because you go to school with her and know that Suzie is actually a trouble-maker, compulsive liar, and sexually promiscuous rebel.....who has mastered the art of being the "good girl" in front of the Aunties. (This is just an example...of a very common problem).
2) Control. As kids grow older, parents need to give their kids more choices/options/trust/and independence. Yes, they still need to be supervised during their teen years. But a parent shouldn't be controlling to the extent that they decide everything for their child such as how long their kid's hair should be or what electives "MUST" be taken or what hobbies "SHOULD" be pursued. Or to accompany their child when the he/she wants to hang out with friends at the mall or go see a movie with a decent friend. I'm not saying that parents should be extremely relaxed to they point that kids walk all over them.......but "something needs to give."
3) Cheat. That's right. Emotional blackmail from parents is not cool. Neither is breaking the trust of your children. Neither is playing manipulative mind games. Neither is preaching what you don't practice yourself.
**
Do's**
1) Communicate with your children openly and calmly. Listen to what your child is saying. Acknowledge your child's feelings even though you don't agree with them. Acknowledgment is not the same as agreement. Keep in mind that you used to be a kid/teen too. Set examples for good communication skills which involve compromising not control....especially as kids grow older. Conversation doesn't always have to serious and parental. There should be also be room for easy-going, non-sensical, light-hearted conversation as well.
2) Constructive Criticism.....also known as positive criticism. This is done without resorting to yelling and belittling and ridiculing your child. Offer suggestions in a positive way. Also, balance suggestions with praise. When you only tell kids how they should improve themselves.....they begin to feel that there's nothing good about them. To avoid this.....balance suggestions with compliments.
3)** Encourage/Take an Interest:**....Every child is different. Even siblings are not alike in personality. Take an interest in what children are doing. And not only their education. But also take an interest in their hobbies, goals, pursuits.
Re: Inviting all unmarried/young guys and gals
Alhamdulilah I share a very close relationship with my parents.
I remember when I was a young child, I was very scared of them, mainly because my peers were scared of their parents. As I grew older, my parents involved me more and more in day to day running of the house and as I got older encouraged me to make decisions for myself. If they thought I was wrong, they would give reasons why rather than a simple 'no'.
I have lived away from home for 4 years now and I think it has made me appreciate them so much more than if I had lived at home and studied. Giving your child a certain degree of independence is very important.
May sound very silly to some, but my mum is one of my closest friends. We both take time out for each other, talk over any concerns we both have and she has always divided her time equally between us 4 siblings. That is important and one to one interaction. Encourage your child to open up to you, support them and trust them.My mum always says 'I love you all, but when you are wrong, you are wrong. Mein pyar bhi karoon gi lekin aap ko sar par nahi churaon gi'.
I totally agree with those who say, do not compare your child to other children. It is very frustrating and sometimes it is not the parents but other family expectations. I will be breaking the family tradition by not going into the legal profession but oh well:D
Re: Inviting all unmarried/young guys and gals
You know, aside from the reality of it all, the typical and well-known rules about comparing kids, encouraging, communicating....these things are all so very important.
Yet
Before I had my own kids and when I was younger, I looked at what my parents were doing, how they were raising us 3 kids and I'd say to myself "I'd NEVER do that to MY kids". Or "I'd never say this to my kids or make them do this or that".
HOW very wrong I was! There are SO many things that my parents did right that I didnt agree with in my immaturity and inability to understand. There is SOOOOOO much that one cannot understand till they're in those particular shoes.
What is a "good parent" according to you. Some dos and don'ts.
Just answering after your post.
Do's
Achchay dost banain
Bohat pyar karain per spoil na karain Yani pyar bhi tanasub kay saath.
Buchchon say buchchon jaisa sulook karain.
Un kay saath khailain aur buchchon jaisa act karain takay wo ziada enjoy karain.
Abhi mood naheen ho raha baqi baad main yaad raha aur thread mila to Insha Allah.
Re: Inviting all unmarried/young guys and gals
Be in their lives, no matter what they are doing.. if they are in a school drama play, go attend it.. if they want to have a tea party, join them ... play with their friends.. take them out for a walk.. take them out for an ice-cream.. be in their lives as much as you can.. Because at the very end of the day, the kid will only remember they time you've spent with them more than the clothes or gifts you bought for them.
from the viewpoint of a child:
DON'T BE UNFAIR/HYPOCRITICAL. Parents do this unconsciously sometimes. When my parents are unfair, I often point out the same scenario which happened with my other siblings with no problem . That sib gets mad that I pointed it out, while I get mad at my parents for their double standard-so basically one moment of unfairness can cause ill will all across the family.
DON'T LIVE IN AMERICA IF YOU'RE GOING TO FREAK OUT BY KIDS LIKING ANYTHING AMERICAN. I remember when i was a teen, my sister was really into Hanson and the Backstreet Boys. My dad was talking and talking, saying we were going to move back to Pakistan. My mom was completely opposite, she said "what's the big deal? in our times, we also liked Alamgir and people like that; it's just a phase." It doesn't make sense to live here if you expect your kid to live in a vacuum and not absorb anything from the outside society.
BE UNDERSTANDING. I remember losing my cellphone once, and when i returned to the store, they said they had called my mom to pick it up. I was cringing entering the house, because I knew she was going to yell at me for hours...but instead she was just like "here's your phone"...that made me so relieved and made me like her even more.
LET KIDS MAKE SOME MISTAKES. If your kid is in high school, don't go with him/her to the teacher to argue grades...don't forbid them from driving until they are 20....don't interfere during every recipe they try to make.
HAVE A LIFE OUTSIDE OF YOUR KIDS. If you have nothing to talk about with your husband except your kids, you need to find something else to do!
whoa im typing alot...okay..that's it
....don't interfere during every recipe they try to make.
lol, ok jalebi.
to answer OP.
all the things which are already mentioned in this thread, and further i would say.
Never lie to your kids, when they ask something tell them the truth.
Spend time with them.
Teach them morals. Helping others in times of need, truthfulness, honesty,
value of friends and family.
Dont spoil them.
treat ur kids with respect- If u respect them they'll respect u back .. my parents always adressed me and my siblings AAP instead of Tum .. thats a good thing :)
Listen to what they have to say, kids arent dumb they have feelings tooo :D
Be their friend as much as their parent