When a potential rishta comes around, families involved go around investigating the guy/girl and their families. Nothing wrong with that.
but sometimes families overdo things.. But where a line should be drawn between genuine inquiries and offensive questions?
Re: 'Investigation' & 'Inquiries' in arranged rishtas
U beat me to the punch!!!! anything beyond "shadi kab karni he? " is offensive and requires immediate spanking
Re: 'Investigation' & 'Inquiries' in arranged rishtas
^some form of investigation is required ! nobody would want to marry off their daughter to the serial killer, leader of a mafia gang type junkie :p
as for the OP, saby what would you define as going over board ....as in it varies with people! what one person may seem acceptable to divulge the other would have reservations over the same matter .
but if a person has a clean slate ...has a good family ...they shouldnt be worried about the inquiries and investigations ! :D
Re: 'Investigation' & 'Inquiries' in arranged rishtas
Just few days ago a list of questions were provided here at a topic to ask the potential prospect and i felt some of them were crossing the line so yah it depends. However when you are investigating a family you have the right to find out about their background, their reputation and all that kind of stuff.
What are you finding offensive in this whole investigation scene?
Re: 'Investigation' & 'Inquiries' in arranged rishtas
even though its been brought up multiple times, I think pay stubs and asking for actual transcripts, calling HR at someone's job is crossing the line for me. I don't know how I'd feel if someone did that to me (probably slightly creeped out) but I can't imagine doing that for a guy that I'm talking to as a potential. I guess my family works the old fashioned way. Asking around--it's surprising how small of a world it is and how much people actually do know about each other.
Maybe I'm also just naiive. But I was really confused as to why this one aunty asking for a rishta for some girl that we know asked my parents if the girl owned a house in America...like she adamantly wanted to know. And exactly HOW her entire family came to America...I mean I can understand wanting to make sure someone isn't illegal but I wouldn't want to lay out my family's entire story like that for someone....
Re: ‘Investigation’ & ‘Inquiries’ in arranged rishtas
I don’t think there is anything wrong with cross checking if the details the prospect or the family is giving is accurate or not because people do lie alot. They think its ok to say that their son/daughter is earning 2 lakhs even if they are only earning 50-60 because after all they have the dur ki vision where they see their child getting double promotion 
. I mean wth? What kind of people do this and i wonder if someone falls in their trap (i am sure people do) what happens when the truth is revealed 
.
If someone’s doing a job its a good way to check their repute with their head or the hr. I don’t see anything wrong with it infact it can save you from the later headache.
AND yes indeed it is a small world so make sure you do no hanky panky :D.
Re: 'Investigation' & 'Inquiries' in arranged rishtas
I'd just want to know if this guy is telling the truth or lying. So, for me checking and cross checking is important and I see nothing wrong with it.
If he says he makes 35K a year, educated and is a shareef guy from a good family - its fine. He should simply be able to prove what he is saying. No lies.
Re: 'Investigation' & 'Inquiries' in arranged rishtas
^
Exactly! Mostly it should be just cross-checking. Although if the families are total strangers then I think a little inquiry about the family is allowed too, a lil bit about their set-up and what kind of a reputation they have. Other than that, it should be mostly about just the guy IMO.
Re: 'Investigation' & 'Inquiries' in arranged rishtas
Yup.
I dont think people should be afraid to ask questions or investigate because poori zindagi ki baat hai.
Re: 'Investigation' & 'Inquiries' in arranged rishtas
^Exactly! And i think it has become much more important now to thoroughly investigate prior to getting committed because;
1) People realise that whatever ALLAH wills will happen but at the same time he has asked us to use our brain.
2) People have become more cautious thanks to the horrible divorce rate.
3) Gone are the days when men and women would give in to such lies, nowadays people don't tolerate such lies hence they make sure prior to marriage to find out the truth or else their marriage is doomed.
4) Lack of trust in people and for valid reasons.