wasn’t sure if this belonged in wedding or not so feel free to move this thread if it fits better there mods.
So we’re from the States and my brother got introduced to this girl in Pakistan when he went for a visit for the purpose of marriage. We’re now at the stage where we need to ‘investigate’ the family. We don’t really know anyone in Pakistan who knows this family the girl was introduced through a friend but even he says he just knew her as a distant acquaintance so he can’t say anything about the family.
So now how do we go about making sure this family is legitimate, they have similar ideals, they’re telling the truth about who they are and not just trying to get a passport or something. What kind of questions should we be asking them? Never really expected someone in the family to be considering someone halfway across the world so it makes the verifying part quite difficult. We really have no idea where to take it from here, I’ve just heard of so many horror stories that you don’t really know who people are etc. so we want to make sure we’re taking all the right steps to minimize that risk.
laRkii ke moHalle meN jaayeN aur moHalle waaloN se poochheN k laRkii kaa gharaana kaisa hai, laRkii kii ta'leem kahaaN tak hai, unke ghar waaloN kii ta'leem kahaN tak hai? etc [do this through someone you know]...if you don't know anyone there then well you have pretty much believe what they tell you.
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So now how do we go about making sure this family is legitimate, they have similar ideals, they're telling the truth about who they are and not just trying to get a passport or something
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They could be telling the truth about who they are and also trying to get a passport.
If you're worried about the latter your brother should marry a girl who already has a passport
Why not look for a girl in the states? Easier to investigate.
That would have been perfect especially with the 2 and a half year waiting period when you have to sponsor a spouse from pakistan but unfortunately we've been looking for 2 years and nothing has worked out, my parents don't have much of a social circle with pakistanis in general and neither do we so the options have always been limited. My brother seems to like this girl. Like I said definitely never expected it to work out this way but my we didnt think we should reject a prospect just on the basis of them being from pakistan.
like KKF said ask their relatives or muhallay walay through someone (whom you trust) but should be a general inquiry and without letting them know that the guy is from US and is interested in doing the rishta.
like KKF said ask their relatives or muhallay walay through someone (whom you trust) but should be a general inquiry and without letting them know that the guy is from US and is interested in doing the rishta.
well we don't know any of their relatives. so what do we just go to their block and knock on peoples door and ask them to tell us about the family in house no. whatever? if someone came and asked me those questions I highly doubt I'd reply.
I've just heard of so many horror stories that you don't really know who people are etc. so we want to make sure we're taking all the right steps to minimize that risk.
You shouldn't worry.
For most girls in Pakistan its a dream to get married to a guy settled abroad. They will try hard to make it work overlooking many shortcomings in their husband.
What else can a concerned sister wish for her brother?
i dunno if “Private Investigator’s” services are available in Pakistan…that would be the best way to go about investigating the girl N her family…but again, bribe can change the outcome!
Ask one of your relative in pakistan to go to their place and ask any of the shop keeper and people around about the family, if they're concerned abt the reasons don't bring the fact the rishta is from abroad but in pakistan. Or if you know in which college she studied, you can ask her teachers too.
You are basically gonna pay someone to dig up dirt on another family. Then you are gonna decide to go ahead with a rishta based on information a third party got for you. No clue if you can even trust the third party who got the information, they could be lying, someone could be making stuff up and telling them. Then of course there is the issue that the wife may find out that her husbands family got her entire history and family checked up on a criminal before got married. Yeah....nothing ****ed up about that.
You are basically gonna pay someone to dig up dirt on another family. Then you are gonna decide to go ahead with a rishta based on information a third party got for you. No clue if you can even trust the third party who got the information, they could be lying, someone could be making stuff up and telling them. Then of course there is the issue that the wife may find out that her husbands family got her entire history and family checked up on a criminal before got married. Yeah....nothing ****ed up about that.
Although I understand your point, background checks are very common in Pakistan. Everyone does it in their own way. What you do with the info is up to you. You're basically looking for any red flags that the family may have hidden from you or lied about. As I'm sure you're aware, lying and withholding critical information is commonplace in Pakistani community when it comes to rishta business. Let me give you an example. My parents once met with a guy's family and really liked them based on first impressions. Everything seemed good on paper. They noticed the guy's older brother is married but his wife was not home. They were told she is simply visiting her maika, as she is expecting. Later when my parents sent someone to speak to people in the neighbourhood about the family, we discovered that a divorce is underway because the girl's husband and MIL tried to burn her in the kitchen while she was pregnant. The girl escaped somehow, but had a miscarriage unfortunately. Not sure what the dispute was about but we were able to verify the details from 2 or 3 different sources. It was enough for us that the family lied about the info, so we didn't proceed.
A lot of people lie about their education. But you can easily verify someone's degree status in Pakistan.
Unless you knew the family personally or through a credible mutual reference, I don't believe anyone should mind the investigation. You may only hear good things. Or you might find out something that can save you from a lot of heartache later on.
wasn't sure if this belonged in wedding or not so feel free to move this thread if it fits better there mods.
So we're from the States and my brother got introduced to this girl in Pakistan when he went for a visit for the purpose of marriage. We're now at the stage where we need to 'investigate' the family. We don't really know anyone in Pakistan who knows this family the girl was introduced through a friend but even he says he just knew her as a distant acquaintance so he can't say anything about the family.
So now how do we go about making sure this family is legitimate, they have similar ideals, they're telling the truth about who they are and not just trying to get a passport or something. What kind of questions should we be asking them? Never really expected someone in the family to be considering someone halfway across the world so it makes the verifying part quite difficult. We really have no idea where to take it from here, I've just heard of so many horror stories that you don't really know who people are etc. so we want to make sure we're taking all the right steps to minimize that risk.
You live in USA, pledge allegiance to USA...then why are you going to Pakistan for the purpose of marriage? It is because of people like you that the number of spinsters in USA is sky rocketing. The is a serius crisis with huge number of unmarried educated single muslim ladies in your country. The other question you asked is how to know they are not trying to get a passport. For your information just about any Pakistani can go to a passport office and get a passport...even 2 of them as a matter of fact. If you had any knowledge about Pakistani society you would not ask such naïve questions
