This is kind of a strange topic, but bear with me, most of it isn’t copy n paste :~p It’s more to do with culture and behaviour. According to many anthropological and sociological studies, every culture has a unique “personal physical space” - i.e., the physical distance between two individuals when they talk to each other, how much of an ‘invisible boundary’ you keep between yourself and someone else with whom you are talking. Have you guys noticed this? i remember once at uni, waiting for an elevator to come. Someone came up behind me to wait as well. i could kindof ‘feel’ that he was standing right behind me, RIGHT behind me, so i coughed very discreetly and moved up one step. Then he moved up as well - and that pissed me off. There was sufficient space for a herd of elephants, so it angered me that he was intruding upon my personal space. Of course from his perspective, he’s just waiting for an elevator - but there’s an unwritten ‘rule’ in societies regarding how physically close we allow acquaintances/strangers/friends/family to stand next to us. Manifestly, within cultures, each individual’s invisible boundary differs. According to studies, ‘American culture’ is supposed to require more ‘personal physical space’, several Asian and Mediterranean cultures are said to require less. An entire field is devoted to this known as proxemics - it studies how humans use their space.
i read somewhere that when people are in a very crowded elevator, all our unwritten rules regarding personal space are thrown out the window so we are forced into a situation of having to adapt. Certain behavioural traits will always manifest themselves - many individuals tend to keep their eyes firmly on the elevator buttons, the walls, the floor, anywhere except looking at others. Notice this the next time you are in a crowded elevator, it’s kindof true.
So - how do you guys/gals manage your ‘personal physical space’ and does it bother you when someone comes up right to your face? Maybe that’s why some people hate crowded buses/planes/taxis, etc… because in those circumstances, you are always forced to spend a great deal of time in a very crowded environment with people who are basically strangers standing right next to you.
The concept of personal space is pretty nonexistent in Pakistan, especially among the lower classes. Personal space is a luxury. Wagons and buses are really crowded and in cars so many people are piled into the backseat. I am from a lower class family and I've always disliked sharing "charpais" with people in villages (sometimes it would be head to toe, ie my head next to my cousins feet) and although I've never used buses and wagons, and even though I am in cars with family members, I still don't like it. I think bazaars are a really good example, Lahore is hecka crowded and in some places you're always brushing up against people, it's unavoidable.
I'm not a touchy feely person and i like keeping to myself so I don't like even sitting very close to my sister or mom and don't like too much hugging kissing with mom and cousins and stuff. And desi girls over here are really touchy feely! Like touching is used to drive a point home, like oh you have such a nice kameez, and they'll stroke your arm to feel the material. I dunno, I just don't like it.
I agree with you that in some cases e.g. public transport the whole concept of personal sdpace goes out of the window, but in other aspects of life it remains.
the public trasnport in japan is not much better in terms of its sardine-ish nature but people value personal space.
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*Originally posted by Sarah Splendor: *
I am from a lower class family and I've always disliked sharing "charpais" with people in villages (sometimes it would be head to toe, ie my head next to my cousins feet) and although I've never used buses and wagons, and even though I am in cars with family members
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Well I've never experienced that myself, but having a mixed background I have seen it that scenario in Pakistani villages to be sure. Having said that i spent time in Karaachi in some toff's luxury villa in Defence and I preferred the village experience infinitely more. Big sincere white-toothed smiles as opposed to listening to some stuck up bi_tch explain why she couldn't possibly live in any other way kinda stuck in my craw. Especially since that stuck up bi_tch was from that same village but had married some big shot in the Pak Airforce.
mr extreme i so know what u mean. on my way to pak i had an unplanned stop over in karachi with loads of 'fobs' and 'foreigners'.. me having grown in OZ loved the whole stuck in the bus with so many people journey.. whereas this lady who was pure paindoo kept complaining to me how bad pakistan was and how she couldnt live there anymore.. crazy
Nadia.. i think the western society preaches personal space a lot more.. therefore having someone so close to us can seem daunting and crossing the comfortability line.. whereas in pakistan, there is no concept of ur own space.. if a bed can fit 8 people.. then 12 people will sleep in it.. i hate touchy feely business, but pakistan totally changes you
Fraudz, for poor people, personal space even at home is out of the question. Like sharing rooms, beds and stuff. My dad has six brothers and sisters and they all used to share a room. I've also shared rooms with four cousins including me and in that situation, its not just about brushing up against people all the time but how you have practically no space to put your belongings. And a whopping percentage of Pakistan is in that situation. I think those kinds of situations definitely lead to a reduced emphasis on personal space cuz you just dont have it.
read the intial question the point was how do people cope with having to be in each other's space.
The physical proximity that you speak of is by default due to economic conditions, not due to personal choice. The personal space norms do vary by culture, but the personal space concept is alive and well.
The intial post was askign how people here cope with situatiins wherethey have to share their personal space with others.
First of all, Nadia_H, you taught me a new word - proxemics - yay. Okay, so, on the invasion of personal space, I'm not sure if I agree that society decides for you what the norms are for closeness between two individuals who aren't previously acquainted. Considering that you got this information from a source with an extensive knowledge in anthropology (right?) and the basic customs of human beings in general, I guess I'd be fighting an impossible argument here, but honestly, I think the psychological state of each individual as well as their financial background and way of life applies and plays more of a role - which makes it more of an issue for psychologists as opposed to sociologists/anthropologists.
I myself can't stand anyone (to the point of being almost homicidal) crowding me, and I'm anything but a hermit (well, not usually, at least) but I've been known to cope with it by avoiding going places (be it a mall on the last day of a sale or the food corner at a desi wedding) where and when I know there's going to be a crowd.
P.S. sadzzz, I love your avatar - I used to collect everything Sanrio, and Keroppi was always a favorite.
[QUOTE] Originally posted by Sarah Splendor: *
**I am from a lower class family and I've always disliked sharing "charpais" with people in villages (sometimes it would be head to toe, ie my head next to my cousins feet) *
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It reminds me of childhood days :D In Nani's house all children sleeping in one bed sharing one razayee, had to kick other cousins to lay them off from you :biggthumb
I dont mind if anyone wants to share my personal space as long as he/she smell nice
It reminds me of childhood days :D In Nani's house all children sleeping in one bed sharing one razayee, had to kick other cousins to lay them off from you :biggthumb
I dont mind if anyone wants to share my personal space as long as he/she smell nice
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hahaahahha, ur post reminded me of my childhood at my nani's place as well...those days were just to special....the love and care u got there is not existing anywhere else...I always got special attention from my nani cuz we only met once every 2nd or 3rd year so it was nice to see her being discriminating against the other cousins...
about the physical space...yeah well, I only get frustrated when surrounded by extreme contradicting ppl who try to convince u their views are the right ones..thats when I would love to seek refuge...otherwise I find it lovely to be surrounded by ppl...well as long as one is fond of them;)
But yes, the concept of privacy and personal space is almost nonexistent in Pakistani culture. But living abroad does change that part of the culture too cuz I havent had any problem with telling my parents that I am tired and need some space......