Intra-Family Dialogue: Qur’anic Example
El-Sayed M. Amin
Islam, being the religion of morality, calls for healthy relationship within the Muslim society. It calls upon Muslims to perfect their positive performance as members of the social structure. With friends, neighbors, acquaintances, relatives, and close family members, Islam orders the Muslim to avoid foul language and all expressions that that might hurt others’ feelings. It is enough to say that the Qur’an asks Muslims to speak kindly to all people, irrespective of whether they are relatives or not, let alone parents or close family members. Allah Almighty says,
And speak kindly to mankind (Al-Baqarah 2:83).
Thus, it is clear that the Qur’an is keen to have a coherent society, where all members of the human family cooperate together on righteousness.
If we reflect on the Qur’anic intra-family dialogue, we can deduce that it demonstrates the highest standard of social kindness, which allows the innate nature of man to be expressed in a healthy environment through the channels of love, compassion, kindness, and mutual respect. Let us take this Qur’anic intra-family dialogue as an example for a constructive dialogue between two opposing creeds. Allah Almighty says
And make mention (O Muhammad) in the Scripture of Abraham. Lo! he was a saint, a Prophet. When he said unto his father: O my father! Why worshippest thou that which beareth not nor seeth, nor can in aught avail thee? O my father! Lo! there hath come unto me of knowledge that which came not unto thee. So follow me, and I will lead thee on a right path. O my father! Serve not the devil. Lo! the devil is a rebel unto the Beneficent. O my father! Lo! I fear lest a punishment from the Beneficent overtake thee so that thou become a comrade of the devil. He said: Rejectest thou my gods, O Abraham? If thou cease not, I shall surely stone thee. Depart from me a long while! He said: Peace be unto thee! I shall ask forgiveness of my Lord for thee. Lo! He was ever gracious unto me. (Mariam 19:41-47)
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If we ponder over the meanings of the above Qur’anic verses, in the context of intra-family dialogue, we can deduce the following facts:
1.The Qur’anic discourse highlights the filial and merciful attitude of a believing son (Prophet Ibrahim, peace be upon him) to his disbelieving and obstinate father. Throughout, the son tried his best to address his father in a very respectable and honorable way.
2. The second verse stresses the extent to which a believing son, whose heart is thoroughly penetrated by the light of guidance and the pearls of wisdom, is keen to snatch his father from the abyss of disbelief and bewilderment. The son addresses his father in a very polite way. The son declared that he was blessed with a divine guidance that did not reach his father, and so he called upon his dear father to follow this guidance.
3. The third and fourth verses describe the son. He is emotionally affected and afflicted as a result of his father’s insistence on worshipping idols, even though such sins will lead to Allah’s punishment in the Hereafter.
4. The fifth verse describes the threatening and resentful reaction of the father towards his son, to the extent that the father threatened to isolate himself from his son, or even stone him to death.
5. The sixth verse describes the positive attitude of the son. After having tried all possible avenues to convince his father of the truth of his call and the genuineness of his message, the son left his father with a peaceful leave-taking. The son left without either hurting his father’s feelings or imposing his ideology in a repugnant way.
From the above, we notice that the Qur’an calls upon young people tO
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Exercise patience in promoting their good causes and high aims.
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Apply wisdom while tolerating and accommodating the misbehavior of others. Special caution is to be considered when those who are targeted by the youth are parents or close relatives.
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Endear themselves to their close relatives, especially when they are non-Muslims who are prone to accept or reject Islam based on the responsible or irresponsible actions and behavior they see.
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Tolerate and overcome differences. Diversity in opinions and differences in attitudes will always occur between different generations, but the most successful party is the one who easily tolerates.
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Demonstrate gratitude and kindness. Prophet Ibrahim and his father held two opposing dogmas, yet Ibrahim managed to demonstrate the gratitude and kindness due to his father. Therefore, the minor differences in daily activities and the lack of understanding between our parents and ourselves are problems whose solutions are within reach.
Once, Al-Ahnaf ibn Qais, a man known for his wisdom and deep thinking, came to Mu`awiyah (the Prophet’s Companion, may Allah be pleased with him), and the latter addressed him saying, “What is your opinion about our children nowadays?” To this question, Al-Ahnaf said, “Children are the essence of our hearts and the backup to our backs. To them, we are a supportive sustenance, and a protecting umbrella. If they ask you, do give them what they demand, if they get angry then try to appease their hearts, as with this, they will render you all forms of kindness.
Last but not least, we call upon all sons and daughters to respect their elders. Allah Almighty says,
And We have enjoined upon man concerning his parents. His mother beareth him in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Give thanks unto Me and unto thy parents. Unto Me is the journeying.(Luqman 31:14)
*Sayed M. Amin is a Shari`ah Researcher at IslamOnline. He graduated from Al-Azhar University’s Faculty of Languages and Translation, Islamic Studies in English. Mr. Amin is currently studying for an M.A in Islamic Creed at the same faculty. He is also working as a TA in the same faculty. You can reach him at *[email=“[email protected]”][email protected]