Re: Interfering Parents
Re: Interfering Parents
no 
they know me :biggthumb
Re: Interfering Parents
but now I need them to interfere but they dont 
Re: Interfering Parents
No interference so far. However, I would not object to if they do. They have the right to interfere and ensure that I am not on the wrong path.
Re: Interfering Parents
Re: Interfering Parents
They were very easy in some ways and very strict in other ways. In terms of my dressing and appearance they let me have free reign. They were ok with me pursuing art, listening to music and self-expression in general. But on the other hand i didn't have the kind of parents who said, "We trust you enough that you can go to such and such party with your friends." At the time it seemed unfair because I wasn't going to drink or do anything wrong. And I wanted my parents to know that. But they felt like they should just keep me on a leash somewhat so I don't get too far away.
Looking back I think it's probably the best thing they could have done. My husband and I were discussing how our parenting syles will differ when our kids are teens. He said he'll be ok with Safia going to a bar because he knows she'll be a good girl. He's going to be like a layed back buddy. Whereas I immediately said no way, my daughter is not going near any of those seedy places. You never know what kind of danger lurks out there for a young woman and I will keep her safe at home.
Re: Interfering Parents
Danger? No. But elements that could lead a young woman astray, yes. I don’t think you’ll be able to always control your daughter. But you can impress your expectations on her.
Anyhow, here is an interesting article for you.
http://groups.msn.com/leicestermuslims/studentlife.msnw?action=get_message&mview=1&ID_Message=1866
Re: Interfering Parents
My fiance thinks that he is going to be the kind of parent who will let the kids make their own decisions. That is the way he was raised. His parents never told him what to do, he was told what is right and wrong and was basically responsible for his own actions. And he thinks that since he came out to be allright, he is going to do the same for our kids.
I on the other hand think there should be "some" restrictions. Not telling them what to wear or not, or wat to eat etc. But there has to be some rules to followed.
Dont know what we are actually going to implement. But I find saimanyc comments very intriguing.
Re: Interfering Parents
hey, not to sound discouraging but just wait till you have kids. Theres an endless plethora of things that you do wrong, things you could do better, things you dont do but should do etc etc.No matter how hard you try, theres no pleasing Mom. I plan to never ever forget and never ever put my boys thru this kinda thing when they marry. (as long as IIIII get to pick their wives, lol, wink wink!)
I have to say though, that I DO see her side (well, SOMEtimes!). Nothings ever good enough for my boys you know? Theres nothing stronger than a mothers love I think... the more of a pain-in-the-butt, the stronger the love maybe??
Re: Interfering Parents
Are you making a case for arranged marriages?
Re: Interfering Parents
That’s just sad! Unfortunately, that’s how things are when parents don’t talk to their kids and expect them to be dutiful and obedient, esp their daughters. But I’m sure that there will be more criticism for these girls than the guys who’ve done th same stuff since the concept of FOB/ABCD came about 
Re: Interfering Parents
I guess parents have to find a healthy balance between being strict and letting loose. Too much of anything is bad.
Re: Interfering Parents
burns my eye-balls !
Re: Interfering Parents
It’s good to have control over ur kids, esp. when they’re young…but by the time ur daughter is old enough to go to a bar, i think if u’ve raised her with the values u believe in, then she shud be able to use her own judgement…sometimes all u can do is do the best u can with raising children and then let them go and trust that u’ve done a good job with teaching them wrong from right…and another thing, i think that sometimes when u hold kids too tightly in ur hands, then when they do get the opportunity they may rebel against everything u want anyway (esp.teens), so y not just give them a little bit of freedom…and danger can lurk anywhere…even in places u may feel r suitable for her to go…just believe u’ve taught her everything she needs to know to make her own decisions…that’s my view on it 
…Btw i love the name Safia, that’s wot i’ve wanted to name my daughter if i am blessed with one in the future 
Re: Interfering Parents
Kashmiri, I see your viewpoint and intellectually i agree with it but emotionally it's going to be hard. Your view is exactly the same as my husband's. If a child is given the moral structure then they should have the ability of making good judgements within themselves. I hope that I can let go when it's time. I realize my fear is not just the possibility that she may become involved in haram behavior but also fear of the unknown. By keeping her home I can feel secure that I am creating this safe little predictable world for her. Though ultimately it may be an unhappy and boring one. I hope when the time comes for her to grow up that I can let her experience and grow as she needs to.
Re: Interfering Parents
Well, I think "interference" is not the right word. Parents don't say anything or tell anything or advise anything "to Interfere" in the lives of their kids. In fact they love their kids (We as kids always deny that and take it in a wrong way). They simply don't want their kids to get into things which are not either decent or devient in a sense to lead their kids to different wrong paths.
This is a simple issue of "dealing" with the situation. First thing, parents are far far experienced than us, the kids. They have seen the world far far more and from many different angles than us. They know the future consequences of many things that we as kids cannot see. Yeah I agree we are offended by all these lectures but I guess we are blessed for having our parents in our lives to tell us the right/better thing.
Ask those who don't have parents?
I guess, parents should give "gradual/graduated" independence to their kids as the purpose of good parenting is to make childern independednt in their personality too. Byt at the same time, I feel parents are parents and they can object on our wrong actions.