Well im just curious as to what guppies attitudes are to this…and also what umi and deddys opinions are on the issue…
Everyone goes on about Islam all the time but similarly remain a very nationalistic people…Im not saying its to do with racism…It could be just that one wants to stay in their comfort zone…
Ov met girls from every race and if i settle down im quite lucky cos mums happy if im happy kind of thing…But for a lot of people i know that isnt the case…
Bengalis and Pakistanis it seems especially girls cant get married outside their national group even if the person they want to be with is Muslim…
Lol i had that problem with a Bengali girl once…she would never be able to justify someone like me to her strict Bengali parents…Damn id even struggle with Pakistani parents cos i am only partly pakistani…
I also know enough girls…who are Muslim but not Pakistani who claim that their Pakistani boyfriendcant marry them because mum and dad wont accept it…
People make issue of language barrier…thats bull****…we all live in england and we can all communicate with each other…
As for culture…we’re all Muslims living in Britain and surely cultural difference isnt a bad thing…it gives us something to learn about…
Im not suggesting people not stick to their own but what i am wondering is why its an issue especially with parents if the persons partner is not of the same national group as them?..
Everyone goes on about Islam all the time but similarly remain a very nationalistic people...Im not saying its to do with racism...It could be just that one wants to stay in their comfort zone...
Ov met girls from every race and if i settle down im quite lucky cos mums happy if im happy kind of thing...But for a lot of people i know that isnt the case...
Bengalis and Pakistanis it seems especially girls cant get married outside their national group even if the person they want to be with is Muslim...
Lol i had that problem with a Bengali girl once...she would never be able to justify someone like me to her strict Bengali parents...Damn id even struggle with Pakistani parents cos i am only partly pakistani...
** I also know enough girls...who are Muslim but not Pakistani who claim that their Pakistani boyfriendcant marry them because mum and dad wont accept it...**
People make issue of language barrier...thats bull****...we all live in england and we can all communicate with each other...
As for culture...we're all Muslims living in Britain and surely cultural difference isnt a bad thing...it gives us something to learn about...
Im not suggesting people not stick to their own but what i am wondering is why its an issue especially with parents if the persons partner is not of the same national group as them?...
Arrggghhh that annoys the hell out of me, dotn even get me started...
I still remember one of my very good friends had the biggest crush on this white guy who was a convert and mashallah a very very good muslim, pakistani guys cant even come close. He had a pure heart. But she couldn't even imagine ever being with him cuz of her parents, now shes married to some desi guy who has a nice job but she still doesn't feel the same way about him like she did about this white guy.
uhmmm i’d like for him to be paki.. yeah religion is important, but i want someone with teh same culture (sorta) as mine.. its more for my parents i guess, my mom is sad that she doesnt have the typical sas-bahu rel wit her bahu .. bak in pak, u’d have babysitters in ur saas and nand when u have a baby and ur parents are always talkin wit her parents.. whereas my bro n his wife r living forever away, and my mom hasn’t spoken to her son’s mother in law since the wedding which was a year ago.. like if i brought a white guy home (marriage blahblah), they wudnt hate him, but I don’t think they’d have the same relationship with him as they wud with a paki Son in law, at least my mom wdnt, coz she doesnt speak english much.. and who am i to deny her that..m y bro cant give it to her, why can’t I? :hinna:
It seems that even if your family accepts that you married someone who is not Pakistani, the rest of the Pakistani community (esp. the guys) just can't.
Just yesterday in front of Best buy, these three paki guys couldn't help but give me dirty looks cause OH MY GOD, i'm not with a paki guy.
In any case, i think its harder for girls compared to guys but i also think that if you find someone and there's no religious difference, then you should stick with what you believe in and let Allah (swt) guide you and hopefully your parents will come around.
every racial grp seem to be looking down on another racial grp. no one seems to remember we're all muslims.
tats really funny.
after 6 yrs of marriage i still hear my relatives talkin abt my husband cuz he's not paki.
Does colour or race even matter in companionships if the couple agrees?
I have some different experience and would like to mention what I have experienced. When I married my wife, who happens to be white European, people used to look at us and we could see it that they were probing us "why the hell an asian guy with a white woman?" Some people even asked me why am I dating a white woman, etc etc. But as soon as they realised we were married they attitude changed (no I am not talking about only pakis but in general). Since we have children, I have realised that most people when they look at us, they dont even care & we are mostly taken as a normal couple.
To me the race or colour or the origin of the person doesn't matter, its the person him/herself that matters. But again, our parents, society, culture is so closely attached that its not easy to break the barrier, but some do. I did.
Najim, our experiences have been fairly similar. Desis in particular made really rude comments when we were first married. A guy in a desi store once asked my husband what he was doing with an american wh*re while I was standing there in hijab. We never really got as many stares from goras, but we live in an area where no one really looks twice over a mixed marriage. Now we have kids, so no one really looks our way anymore.
Sara, my mom would absolutely love it if my mother-in-law called to talk. My MIL is conveniently never at home when my mom calls pakistan to talk to her. In 15 years she's barely spoken to my parents.
I have learned that over the years, the more I am willing to change myself and become "desi" the more I will be accepted, which is sad, because my family and friends have never asked that of my husband. He isn't looked down on for not going to watch football or teaching our kids to play cricket. On the other hand, everything I do is analyzed by the aunties, from what I cook, what I do all day, etc. I can't even take a yoga class without the ILs making a big fuss.
as mentioned before...im of a mixed race myself. I get so annoyed when parents dont allow their son or daughter to marry outside of their race. Even though I am half pakistani.....I still find that parents wont accept me for their paki sons. however that isnt the case with arab families..i tend to get more rishtas from arabs then pakis. (my personal experience)
I speak urdu...so i dont get why they have an issue. I think it's more about "what will people say" then it is about their personal dislike.
Sara, my mom would absolutely love it if my mother-in-law called to talk. My MIL is conveniently never at home when my mom calls pakistan to talk to her. In 15 years she's barely spoken to my parents.
I have learned that over the years, the more I am willing to change myself and become "desi" the more I will be accepted, which is sad, because my family and friends have never asked that of my husband. He isn't looked down on for not going to watch football or teaching our kids to play cricket. On the other hand, everything I do is analyzed by the aunties, from what I cook, what I do all day, etc. I can't even take a yoga class without the ILs making a big fuss.
dont change who u are for anyone. just hold on to ur islamic identity...that's all that matters in the hereafter.
this kind of relation/marriage required more patientand sacrifice..n murual understanding for both non pakistani is boy or girl....suppose i also worried abt this.. but i belive everything is not on the eyes of otehr poeple..
they can think whatever they want..coz some can accept this and cannot..
but if u married to non pakistani..girl/boy..as long as he/she is muslim n good so..ur marriage is safe..inshallah..
*;)i also have to take a risk coz i think i'll marry pakistan guy soon..God will guide me in everything..
most people are lazy, and it takes a lot of efforts to understand someone from a different ethnic background.
In families where ties are close, like mine, inlaws are supposed to part of family gatherings, and everyone know each other:
for example i know the inlaws of all my uncle and aunts, and those of my sister, and we’re all from the same ethnic background
my parents and my sister in laws are seeing each other often in order to prepare the marriage (she’s not married yet:halo:), they get along very well cause they are exactly from same background: ethnically and socially.
But I’m gonna marry into another ethnicity, and i’m quite nervous about it, my family and his family speak different languages, live totally different lives, and have NO clue about each other traditions:D.
It will be very difficult to bridge the gap, inshallah we’ll make it, but it’s really harder to marry into another ethnic background, because people from both family can’t achieve the same level of understanding .
there is a french phrase saying that:" we choose our friends, but we don’t choose our family"…
so to avoid fights and preserve peace most people prefer to avoid having sons/daughters marrying into unknown ethnic background, cause they are afraid they won’t get along with inlaws
The main problem is the language barrier. Desi parents (our parents generation) feel a lot more comfortable speaking their own language. They simply fear that there will be lack of communication b/w the parents and the son/daughter-in law.
I think that our generation will be more tolerant as parents in regards to our children marrying someone of a different ethnicity.
all my parents want is that my children will get the same scoldin i recieved as a youngster...lol i mean gettin curse at in urdu/punjabi is soo much better then enlgish...plus the kids will understand their dada and dadi love them..sayin that my parents and dada really really really loved me
and ur parents are always talkin wit her parents.. whereas my bro n his wife r living forever away, and my mom hasn’t spoken to her son’s mother in law since the wedding which was a year ago.. like if i brought a white guy home (marriage blahblah), they wudnt hate him, but I don’t think they’d have the same relationship with him as they wud with a paki Son in law, at least my mom wdnt, coz she doesnt speak english much.. and who am i to deny her that..m y bro cant give it to her, why can’t I? :hinna: 
…u just made my day 