Intent?

Re: Intent?

You have raised a great point.

I think a lot of the times, we are aware of our conscious intent, but not our subconscious intent. With the conscious intent, we get it, the person is a jerk and you can cut that out.

But what you said makes it sound like you are referring to situations when it doesn’t even sound like they said something wrong but it reallllyyyy gets to you, especially if they seem unaware of how that affects us. If they are unaware, it could be their subconscious intent, that they are not aware of either. That is after you have clarified there being no chances of a misunderstanding.

If it is a subconscious intent issue, I would suggest you just tell the person that what they said is really difficult to swallow for you and that you do not appreciate being told that. They might try to argue your feelings, that you shouldn’t feeling that way because that is not what they intended. You could let them know that you get that they didn’t knowingly intend that but it still hurts you. You have the right to feel hurt and no one should dismiss that, just because their “intent” wasn’t to hurt you.

I would also suggest that, if things like that with the person don’t happen a lot, you forgive them for saying something they didn’t knowingly say. It is difficult to figure out what’s going on with our subconscious.