So how many of you think its okay for one partner to insult another in a relationship?
Where do you draw the line between healthy criticism and insulting, in a relationship?
And would you stick around in a relationship if described you in a very derogatory way?
Re: Insults in a Relationship?
Hmm, good question! It's obviously not okay to insult one another in a relationship. By saying healthy criticism, do you mean letting your partner know he/she is wrong? It really depends on the way you percieve the criticism and how cool-minded you are. I was once scolded for being too critical/unreasonable, not to mention he accused me of insulting him in many ways, which I thought were quiet sensible and made sense in accordance to what was going on. For whatever reason when you lash out at your other half, even the littelest thing seems like a big fuss and you start bursting out your emotions. So obviously, there is nothing wrong with it, you are just expressing yourself, but your partnet might take your words to heart. Since he/she cares so much about you, he/she won't forget it. O well, if you two are truly made for each other, things work out at the end and you live happily ever after.
Re: Insults in a Relationship?
The one quality I cannot stand in people is when they lose their cool and snap at someone else just because they themselves are frustrated. I think it is little disrespectful acts that overtime lead to problems in a marriage. I would absolutely not tolerate being treated as anything less than an equal, intelligent partner in the marriage. The line I draw is very clear as is my husband's. We're both very sensitive in how we want to be treated and inturn treat eachother. So we've never had a single argument to this day because there is nothing big enough to be an issue. We talk about everything and don't hide our feelings even if there's something unpleasant.
In terms of criticism, a couple should be honest and upfront with eachother about everything. There are ways of discussing issues that won't make the other partner feel like they're being treated in a condescending way. It's about mutual respect. If you both care about eachother's opinions, then you're more willing to listen and make comprimises.
I would never tolerate being treated in a derogatory manner. If I was giving advice to a couple who were married for 20 years I would say that they need counseling and work out their problems rather than just end the marriage. I do believe in forgive and forget. Always keep a sense of humour and believe things will get better.
Re: Insults in a Relationship?
I don't think anyone will say it's okay to insult someone. It does nothing but bad, makes the other person defensive, compromises trust, respect, and open communication. My childhood is filled with innumerable incidents when my father lost his temper and took it out on us and knsulted us. Sometimes I am like that, I lose my temper and become mean but Inshallah I am on the road to changing that.
My husband is the complete opposite, calm and collected. We have some very divergent views but he has never ridiculed, demeaned, or insulted me. I have always felt valued and respected in my marriage and you won't believe how that changes someone. With him I've become confident and self-assured.
Saima, I don't think arguing means that you necessarily fall low enough to insult someone or that arguments are a negative thing in a marriage. We love to argue about things like world issues and morals and philosophy, not petty or personal things. I rather think that if the arguments are handled with tact and sensitivity, they might even bring you closer. But it depends on the couple. People deal with things in different ways. Whatever works and brings the couple closer.
Re: Insults in a Relationship?
Sarah, I would love to know how you are trying to change your temper. I can also have bad temper at occassions, and even though i may not yell and scream, i can still say things that i wont say in normal conditions and then i end up regretting them. Would love to hear abt what is helping you out.
Re: Insults in a Relationship?
It depends what you mean by insults or derogatory remarks. I will take almost anything from my SO. Statements made in anger are usually made out to be vicious. So I ignore them and talk to my SO when she is calmed down or when I am. Makes life much easier.
Re: Insults in a Relationship?
For Sarah Im glad she is trying to control her temper,cuz when i see at my past,though its just a short time i settled down,yet i have controlled me temper a lot.Even so much that my husband sometimes wonders if i tell him i was a very short tempered person before marriage.
I feel the change doesn't come automatically.You have to practice and work hard for it.But the best part of it is that it gives very fruitful results.As a calm person Im being more appreciated.The most valuable consequences are that it prevents you from facing quite many problems in life and gives you and your spouse a state of peace of mind.