What I’m about to talk about will be critisized by many. But please do give some reasonable thoughts instead of just judging.
A very close friend of mine has been in a relationship with this guy for 3 years. They’ve been happily engaged for a year now. The families get along fine and she considers his family her own meaning she cares for them more than he cares for his own family. They were very happy together (maybe the guy still is). The marriage is to take place sometime next year. My friend is 21 and the guy is 26. She is still in university and the guy is a uni graduate successfully in his career. At times, she tells me how she thinks her and her fiance are two different people and she thinks they have many differences because of age yet they loved each other. Now, this friend of mine is a really pretty girl and is very decent. She grew up in Canada and the guy went to high school in pakistan but went to university here. She left many friends because of him and changed some things in her (going certain places ect) because he didn’t like them and until today she hasn’t complained about that. The guy’s family lives in the states and so the guy lives here on his own since his work is here. She used to take care of him whenever she had time (making food for him and dropping it off to his place before heading to work or school, helping him clean even though she doesn’t live with him). She’s a busy girl herself because of school and work. She always did everything for him on her own will and felt happy doing things for him. Now the guy, is crazy about her and treats her very nice. The guy is very decent (also gave up many things because of her (going certain places she didnt like and so) and her family loves him off. These three years obviously weren’t so smooth they always had their ups and downs but things would go back to normal after making up. She couldnt wait to get married to him and neither could the guy but he always said he would want to be established a lil more before the marriage takes place because he didn’t want to provide her with what she needed with a difficulty.
Lately, she started telling me she is not happy. She told me she feels she’s putting more effort into the relationship and she wants his attention more but it has decreased because he is mostly busy with work and he can’t keep up the balance. They had many talks about that but no solution. she said, even him taking her for dinner seems like a big thing. When they talked about that her fiance said the same to her that how she is always busy too and she can’t expect him to be free when she is free. She also mentioned, she felt like things weren’t the same anymore and the relationship was losing its charm. She thought tht was because it had been 3 years for them to be together. Everytime they talk about it, they get into an argument, fight and then be okay again. So she’s sick of that now.
NOW HERE’s THE TWIST:
There’s this guy that likes her from school. They used to talk in school every once in a while but she never knew he liked her. She recently found out he likes her. And yes he knows she’s not single. He hasnt told her yet clearly and i guess he doesnt have the guts to but she says she felt it indirectly many times. Now, they’ve started talking on the phone. She told me she feels happy and cared for when she is talking to him. When her phone rings, she hopes it’s the other guy calling him. she gets happy when she gets a text mssg from him, she feels special when she’s talking to him and so on. I’ve met the guy, and he is a nice guy. Today, she was worried and told me she didnt know what was going on. She simply can’t get the guy out of her mind! She forgets to call her fiance because of him. And yet she feels happy because she says now I don’t suffer and wait for my fiance to call me or see me. And yes I’ve seen the difference too. She does seem very happy. She stopped arguing with her fiance for not coming to see her or calling her and so on. When she talks to her fiance she tries to cut the conversation short whereas before she always wanted to talk to him for long. Now, I’m not blaming her fiance because he does seem to care for her but she is right about him being so busy to even take her out for dinner and not getting the attention she wants. She says now when she sees her fiance she’s not even excited and really enjoys the time she spends with this guy at school. She forgets about all the worries and just has fun. She also said she was happy about the fact that her fiance noticed a change in her and has started to treat her extra special and now it’s always him that calls her BUT he doesn’t know what’s going on. He thinks everything is fine! The only thing is that now it doesn’t make a difference to her if he calls her or not.
Important: I would like to make a note that this isn’t the first time a guy has liked her in these three years, as I mentioned earlier she is really pretty and many guys have liked her and still like her at school. But this has never happened before in three years. She would always punk them and not even bother talking to them. But with this guy things seem different.
Does this make any sense to you people? What in the world is going on with my friend that was in love with her fiance once.
I need some wise replies from some wise people. If you want to twist things around you're not needed here :) and yea if what's been happening to my friend was happening to me I wouldn't be chilling on GS I would be somewhere trying to sort my life out! so Relax.
Hmmmm, if you're looking for a serious answer, then I think I may have one for you.
Looks like your friend got bored and found someone new. You just don't fall in and out of love that fast, now do you?
So my advice would be to let her do what she wants. She's an adult and no one can teach her how to feel. She should just be sensitive and break off at least one of the 2 relationships. It's not ethical to be invloved or committed with 2 people at the same time, is it?
Yep, I agree with what has been said - she shouldn't be traveling in 2 boats. Mebbe she wasn't in love with her fiance? i don't think its possible to fall 'out' of love. It probably wasn't love at all. I say better to realize it before getting married than after.
Potential for this kinda triangle going horribly wrong is fairly high. Taking a step-back, though, the fiance dude is getting less interested in his fiancee after engagement. Imagine how he will be after marriage. So she has kinda put him on notice, that unless you shape up, you'll ship out. A l'il competition is not bad, but when ppl get emotionally involved and invested, it can get very ugly. Worst case, if everything falls apart, the guys in this story will come out of it smelling like roses, its the lady whose reputation may take a nose-dive when everything comes out. Just my $0.02.
c heres the thing.. ( atleast as i think).. relationships are always nice in the beginning.. ppl try to be on their best behaviours.. and as time passes by they start being them selves.. this is usually hard to digest as both the parties expect their partners to always be SMITTEN In love and sit and stare at them for ages and nothing else.. this is a big problem with Engagements and other Non-binding forms of relationships that as time passes ppl change and some one else comes around that is Just starting OFf with u and hence is at his/her best behaviour. and so seems to be the perfect guy/gurl. all caring and calling and sensitive and all... but beleive me. after another two years.. these ppl turn out to be totally different from what they were too.. we ppl should learn to make LIL sacrifices and be happy with what we have or we can NEVER be happy.. if we keep noticing how the other person is changing..we'll will never be satisfied... now that we have much more media exposure and all we like to Analyze more.. Think a Lot abt every thing.. and have lots of " What IF questions".. we guys and gurls both need to learn how to live with what we have.... not to get serious ( committed/engaged) till we know that we are willing to be with this person for better or for worse.. the fact that we cant decide and are always changing partners and judging them is the biggest reason of seperations and divorces now adays.. if we wont learn how to stick with our decisions/ commitments in the early stages, the Married life will get Much harder .. as there will be no way out but the extremes..
as far as ur friend is concerned.. some one needs to explain to her that No one is going to be perfect.. she is still not married.. she Can change her decision if she wants too.. but it has a higher tendency to bring bigger probs.. and as far as being two different ppl is concerned... unless she gets married to Herself, the other Person is ALWAYS going to be different.. she needs to sit down seriously and look at his positive points too... and may be compare them.. she has to be practicle.. coz as they say.. yay Gudday gudya ka khail nahi hai..if she still thinks that there is NO way she would want to live with him.. Sure look for some one else.. But not to go to the other guy, just coz hes the flavor of the month.. its gona affect her badly.
The way she feels for this new guy at school that likes her is the same way she must have felt at first with her fiance initially. As time goes on, things in a relationship change. As time goes on, things with her new "friend"may change and what's the gurantee she won't get bored of him either?
Maybe it all seems perfect to her with bachelor # 2 because that's how it always is at the beginning. I am sure it was the same with her fiance at initial stages of their relationship. Problems, issues always arise later when you get close with the other person and more involved in all aspects of their lives. After 1-2 years, if she encounters the same problems with this new one, what's she gonna do then? Hope for another school crush?
every relationship has its ups and downs - things are fine in the beginning and somewhere down the road things might slow down a bit, fiance's get busy, work comes up.. i think ur friend needs to understand that whatever he is busy doing is for a better life for them.. I think she needs to just sit and talk to her fiance and let him knw that she would like a little more attention and time from him.. life can get more and more complicated if u want to make it so..
"Now, I'm not blaming her fiance because he does seem to care for her but she is right about him being so busy to even take her out for dinner and not getting the attention she wants. "
So in a way you think he is getting what he deserves?
What she is doing is wrong. Just because her fiance deosn't give her the attention she wants, doesnt mean she should get it from other guys. Whats next, if your hubby does'nt satisfy you in bed you sleep around with men who do?
If you are a good friend, tell her what she is doing is WRONG. One problem isn't going to solve another. If she thinks her and her fiance are done, then break it off(I think the guy should do that cuz she doesn't deserve him) and then think about the other guy or in the end she will be left with nothing.
"Now, I'm not blaming her fiance because he does seem to care for her but she is right about him being so busy to even take her out for dinner and not getting the attention she wants. "
So in a way you think he is getting what he deserves?
What she is doing is wrong. Just because her fiance deosn't give her the attention she wants, doesnt mean she should get it from other guys. Whats next, if your hubby does'nt satisfy you in bed you sleep around with men who do?
If you are a good friend, tell her what she is doing is WRONG. One problem isn't going to solve another. If she thinks her and her fiance are done, then break it off(I think the guy should do that cuz she doesn't deserve him) and then think about the other guy or in the end she will be left with nothing.
I agree with every single point she mentioned. Her fiancee's working hard for her and she's blaming him for not giving her enough time. she's not that young though to say such things.. she's 21 years now. So, ask your friend not to behave like stupid girls who left empty handed when "true love" goes out of their lives. Ask her to just stay away from that new entry "school boy" and be faithful to her man.
and one more point - this seems like romantic "bollywood/hollywood movie influence" on her. When we step into practical lives we have to sacrifice a few things and why can't we cherish the good times like when her fiancee used to give her more time? and why those beautiful memories have interchanged with complaints. [shikayat kyun ban jaata hay acha waqt? can anybody answer that to me? kia kisi insaan ka bohat mohabbat karna aur phir humaray he liye struggle karna aik itni buri baat hay that the girls [mostly girls - i've seen the same case with other girls too..] only complaint nowadays.
Important thing is, relationships are always nice in the beginning.. people do try to be on their best behaviours but as the time passes by they start being themselves. Maha also said the same, and the same thing in my personal opinion.
