Here in Life1 most of the threads are about MILs and SILs being nasty, hurting the person posting etc etc.
I myself have been posting loads about my SIL when I felt things were confusing or hopeless and I just didnt have a clue on what to do and when I didnt feel like talking to hubby about it all. So I have been using this forum khulle dil se;)
I have noticed that most of the girls here are well educated and doing very well in general. But still the sligtest thing by our SIL or MIL can make us cry out loudly here on GS:D
Now is it because we are deep down insecure? we are not sure how that SIL or MIL may effect our husbands? or what is the reason for us to be so sensitive??
In my case it has certainly been insecurity. From the 1st day I met my SIL I got vibes that I didnt like and moreover I got worried which impact those vibes would have on hubby and our relationship. In all those years I have been worried and insecure, kind of pancking. Until I got to talk very opnely with hubby and told him everything and how it effected me. He could see that his sisters behaviour had not been appropriate so there wasnt much to discuss and he started to protect me from that.
Ever since that I feel laid back and more secure. I am more focused on our relationship now instead of worrying about stuff that had happened or could happen. And I am just more happy in my marriage now when hubby knows and I dont need to think of things all the time.
what if your hubby sees his sisters behaviour, agrees with you and still wont do anything about it and/or ignores your concerns/issues and pretends nothing has happened.
your are one lucky grl, if you husband completely understand and is with you. My husband totally ignores it if my MIL or SIL say anything to me. In fact since he has a very high temper sometimes he starts yelling at me in front of his parents. so forget abt him being on my side...he bearly care abt my feelings. Nowadays he doesn't like me for who i am anymore, and often says he wish he wouldn't have married me...i guess this is life. not every love marriage is a successful marriage
your are one lucky grl, if you husband completely understand and is with you. My husband totally ignores it if my MIL or SIL say anything to me. In fact since he has a very high temper sometimes he starts yelling at me in front of his parents. so forget abt him being on my side...he bearly care abt my feelings. Nowadays he doesn't like me for who i am anymore, and often says he wish he wouldn't have married me...i guess this is life. not every love marriage is a successful marriage
oh mano... i so feel for u. i m also in an unhappy marriage. both of us have no idea why we r stickin together.. its not love, only compromise... even my hub mite admit but do NOTHIN abt the issues, that i face with MIL. its life... and marital life can b either very pleasant or v painful.
your are one lucky grl, if you husband completely understand and is with you. My husband totally ignores it if my MIL or SIL say anything to me. In fact since he has a very high temper sometimes he starts yelling at me in front of his parents. so forget abt him being on my side...he bearly care abt my feelings. Nowadays he doesn't like me for who i am anymore, and often says he wish he wouldn't have married me...i guess this is life. not every love marriage is a successful marriage
Ohh I am so sorry to hear abt that mano!!! I hope that he will change for the better inshaAllah!!
In my case, hubby is the younger brother and SIL has been behaving very rude to me for long time. In the begining I never told him anything. Then I actually got ill for a long period and started telling him to tell her not to bug me and show some understanding for my situation.
Hubbys hasnt actually sat down with her and talked to her abt the situations though. He has just stopped socializing too much with her which I think is sad cuz they are just the two of them!However I dont think its my fault that there is ths distance between them now. Hubby is just very dissapointed with his sister cuz she got married and didnt even bother to call him and tell abt it to him!!! so he realized a lot about her though that and I didnt really have to make an extra effort now. When he asked her y she didnt tell him before getting married to a complete stranger in Pakistan, she looked away and with a very stiff facial expression she said that she did this for her own happiness and whoever cant accept that, well its just their own problem not hers!!
However I still am doing some effort like getting her good eid gifts. buying her shadi gifts even though she didnt boter to inform us that she got married and so on. I find it easier to do stuff for them now cuz I know that hubby wont 'force' me to do stuff with them and whatever I do is plainly cuz I feel a responsibility to make my hubby happy. that he sees that I consider his feelings when I am nice to his family. and also that as Muslims we are told to forgive, forget and move on which many times is difficult but nontheless I think we are judged upon our intentions!!
it just gives me the feeling of security when I know that hubby knows and wont force me into anything...once he even appologized on behalf of her sisters rude behaviour!!!
what if your hubby sees his sisters behaviour, agrees with you and still wont do anything about it and/or ignores your concerns/issues and pretends nothing has happened.
Give it some time. It has happened to me as well. It took hubby some time before he settled into this new sitaution cuz he didnt know what was going on, then he had to figure out how to move on etc.
Rememeber that for men this might be more challenging than us women. they need to first find a balance and keep it - between wife, sister and mother!!