Re: Inlaws - what do they give
I have asked my in-laws to please keep it to the bare minimum since I don't get the opportunity to wear fancy/shimmery clothes and they become absolutely out of fashion. I think my MIL is planning around 12 outfits and I have asked her to please limit it to 6 or 7. Let's see what happens. As for jewelry, I think 1 set is what I'm receiving which is more than enough since I am not fond of yellow gold. Plus they have given me jewelry on other occasions.
Re: Inlaws - what do they give
I tell my mom that i am gonna tell my in-laws not to give me any gold at all and she freaks out 
saying what will people say. According to her, whether you care or not, they will talk. They will make comments like they probably don’t like their bahu, they dont care for her, bla bla bla
Re: Inlaws - what do they give
I've been to two mendhis where they put everything on display next to the stage. Each side was dedicated to each side of the family and whatever items they gave and the camera man was told to film each and every item. I found it so tacky, but I think that's the custom in Pakistan. I also find it rude for others to ask what the other side is giving. For my sister's wedding, everybody is asking how many suits the guy's side are giving and it's such a strange and nosy question. Lekin most people are asking since I guess it's 'normal' to ask. Maybe it's just us. We are not used to inquiring about other peoples' bari so we aren't comfortable with others asking us this question.
Re: Inlaws - what do they give
^, oh wow, i thought displaying the stuff rasam was no longer the norm.
Re: Inlaws - what do they give
I really dont want my parents to have to give shiitloads of things to each n every single person in his family, even non-relatives.. its fazool kharcha I think.. that $$ cud go towards my jahez
Last yr at my cousins wedding, his family didn’t like the stuff my mamu gave em, they called em up n actually said these clothes rnt fancy enuff, etc etc.. I sure hope my inlaws will be like Iras n Saher’s 
Re: Inlaws - what do they give
^ That's what they shud do, give u the $$ n let u go shopping n get whatever u want (within reason)...it's ridiculous to spend so much cash on something that they may or may not like or use..
Re: Inlaws - what do they give
Ufffff vat is wrong with womens these days! Whatever happen to being all girly and pretending like u love it to make ur in-laws feel good?
Re: Inlaws - what do they give
^ We’re indepdent, have our own tastes n likes n dislikes 
Naah, i know if/wheN I get marreid, ill love whatever they give me
Re: Inlaws - what do they give
Yeah, that’s where ego comes in. Some in-laws want others to see what they gave and did. It’s not really about the girl. It’s about showing off to friends and outdoing someone else.
Re: Inlaws - what do they give
Totally agree with ya Saima. We never showed anything either :k:
Re: Inlaws - what do they give
You’re right Barfee. Sorry to sound like a grandma, but girls should tread extremely carefully at demanding things or being too vociferous in what they want. I know quite a few girls who’s engagements ended partly because the guy’s family didn’t like the way the girl was demanding things. One of my friends went to Pakistan with her future MIL for wedding shopping. She merely said she didn’t like a particular outfit, and the MIL used that as a catalyst to end the engagement right then and there. It happens more than you think.
As far as barri displays go, it’s such an old and paindu tradition. I remember so many weddings in my childhood when the groom’s sister would lug the suitcase to the stage and start showing off all the stuff. It looked so ridiculous. The girls cousins would be tittering at how ugly the stuff was, the older aunties would tell them to quiet down and how spoiled the girls have become nowadays, and the guys side would be discussing at how generous the MIL is. One wedding, they set up a table next to the stage where they displayed all the barri. I was 9 or 10 at the time, and I ran excitedly to my mom that there was a booth where they were selling stuff and there was some khussas that I liked. It took me a while to understand the concept that this was the bride’s things.
Re: Inlaws - what do they give
The funniest display of jahez was of my cousin, back when i was like 12, but it wasn’t like we were showing it to other people, it was for the people of the family but her bra was sticking out from under the clothes and all my uncles and male cousins were there too. It was so embarrasing and all the aunties/female cousins were blushing but no one fixed it. I got up and took the bra out and put it away for good
Re: Inlaws - what do they give
scissors?
Re: Inlaws - what do they give
I dont think i would want to be married into a family where I would be kicked out cuz of what I wanted. Their son is marrying a brat, he should get a beating, not the bahu 
Secondly, there should be a balance. I think the in-laws should ask the girl for her taste but the girl shouldnt be greedy.
Re: Inlaws - what do they give
The truth is that this is a remnant of Hindu culture, where the girl has to bring wealth with her to her new home. Nowadays, it has to do with even exchange. The guy’s family will give the girl 20 outfits, 2-3 sets, perfume, makeup, etc. To make it an even exchange, the girl’s family gives the groom a suit and a watch, and those “20 outfits” are distributed amongst all the ladies of the baraat. So MIL gets 3-4 suits, SIL gets 2 suits, and all the aunties get a suit apiece, uncles get shirt and tie or suit material and cologne etc. The two sets become karay for the MIL, small sets for SIL, maybe rings for aunties etc. My mother claims that we give these gifts for our “khushee,” but then she also added that traditionally, girls are then supported for the rest of their lives by their husbands, so you have to give his family a token of gratitude.
Re: Inlaws - what do they give
A gift should be received with gratitude and a smile. I know that most of the times stuff that comes from either side is just 'dainay kay gharzz say' so it may not be the nicest but its still a gift. Later on you can give it to a deserving housemaid or pass it on to someone who may truly like it.
Its really nice when the inlaws do ask the girl about her taste and choice but even then one needs to keep the expectations at bay :)