Re: inlaw issues
a guy expects his wife to look after his parents.. only cus he knows she will do the same for her own parents... thats the problem.
Where the hell did you get that logic from? Because he knows she will treat her parents well? No. He expects her to look after his parents because its a cultural tradition and because daughter-in-laws are often mistaken for maids or nurses.
There are all kinds of situations and its unfair to stereotype them, really. In some cases, there is massively different treatment towards the daughters and the daughter-in-law. The daughter is allowed to have a job and do what she wants, but the daughter-in-law is expected to do most of the cooking and cleaning. Then there are situations where daughter-in-law manipulates husband. The list is endless, because the type of people are endless.
But I seriously don't think the reasoning you gave for that statement is valid - I think the husband is culturally conditioned to expect his wife to "take care" of his parents.
IMHO - they're HIS parents - he should work with his other siblings and their spouses in addition to his spouse to take care of parents in an event of a sickness, etc. It really ought to be a group effort, and the impression that I get is that its usually not. One of the daughter-in-laws ends up doing the majority of the work, and I think that CAN BE really unfair, depending upon the situation.
** Why cant we girls get over that lil hill and just accept our inlaws as normal adults and respect them and take care of them.. there is absolutely nothing wrong with expecting that.. but then again i may be completely old fashioned.. i dunno**
You're right - inlaws should be accepted as normal adults and respected. They're not the dirt beneath our shoes. However, I dont blame a girl who doesn't feel affection for her in-laws that she feels for her own parents. I don't think that every saas is a piece of paradise. Some people are complicated, but nonetheless, you should give them respect.
The other side of the coin is that, as Ansoon mentioned surprisingly, is what is the husband's duty to the girl's parents? My parents have us two girls - if we get married and move away - who is going to take care of them? They're old, they are beginning to fall apart and show signs of wear and tear. Will my husband pitch in a bit and be willing to house my mom if my dad dies, and she's got nowhere to go and barely any income to live off of?
I'm sure most desi guys would not be able to handle that kind of a situation.
i know girls who have problems with their mother in law expecting them to clean and cook... honestly, wouldnt u do the same at ur parents house? or even ur separate home? whats the big deal?
Big deal!!!
If I live with a group of girls in a college dorm/apartment, we all cook together - we take turns cleaning and cooking. Or we make a deal and say - each person cooks for themselves and no one eats each other's food.
I live with my parents - we make deals doing cooking and cleaning. I always clean like most of the house - my mom takes care of her own bedroom. AFter eating, I do the dishes - sis cleans table - mom cleans the kitchen and puts away leftovers, and dad takes over if sis and I are studying.
Its a TEAM effort. When a daughter-in-law enters a house - all of a sudden she is expected to do all of the cooking and cleaning and the mother-in-law gets a break.
It doesn't work that way- you live under a roof, you help clean and cook under it. Whether you have a penis or not, and whether you are 60+ in age or not. (unless if you're in bed due to sickness)
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