a guy’s perspective,
we had some challenges due to PCOS etc for a few years, and then were expecting twins, lost them after premature birth and had complications at that time which basically meant it would be hard if not impossible to have kids. This time period stretched for about 5 years.
I was protective of the woomawn but there was no real need to be, my folks were supportive even though they did not know details. No one really did. In one way it was great because we just did not have to deal with anyone’s unsolicited ‘expert’ advice. they did not pry, kept other ‘well intentioned’ relatives at bay by pushing away their enquiries etc.
However there were other challenges, as an example among the annoying things we faced, some I could do something about others I could not..here is a sample
1- when we decided to adopt, a mentor of mine told me if i should not just go marry someone in Pakistan for a kid..i was a little shocked..but he said look, i want to present all possible options that you may have, and yu may or may not like them, and i may not like them but I have to share them with you as an advisor.
2- our desi neighbours invited us to their home, we were headed for our adoption trip, so told them no, and mentioned our plans. the lady then proceeded to tell begum that she needs to do some wazeefa and do damm on brown sugar and give it to me…its like errr, okay.
3- a good friend of mine, someone usually very proper, very religious guy, got pretty low and just started asking me if my parts worked, but tony shock in a very crude manner, I let it go for a bit, and then gave him an even cruder response, which shut him up
4- the one that I was not present for and the idiots can than god I was not there because no one treats my wife that way and gets away, some social event with ‘friends’ where I was not in town due to work, and begum was there, this was just shortly after we lost the twins, and she was treated like an outcast with ladies sitting gossiping about her and as she was playing with a newborn there, just snatching it away. she would say anything about any kid and they would start adding mashaAllah MashaAllah…you know the intentions.
Those ppl went into the trash heap of people I have met along the way quick.
the other **** that I have had to hear is that I went the adoption route because there was something wrong with me or I would have gone to another woman… really…really? or is it because someone i love deeply, who almost died while giving me two little angels who had very brief time in this world means a lot to me, where having her in my life and adopted kids is more for me than not having her but have biological kids with someone else. I did not correct them, because in the end did it matter if the issue was with me or with her? and i was not going to entertain their queries and say something about her, which had the situation been reversed, i would not have liked her volunteering (and can do now because she is okay with it) but people’s thinking is just repulsive.