indecent language of 3 years old

Lifestyle Parenting, Household Affairs and Cuisine corner
21

:k:

The (minute) amount of Punjabi i know is thanks to my paternal grandparents… and now it’s ever increasing thanks to the Punjabans on GS!!! :aisha:

If i had more time with my grandparents, i’m sure i’d be at least intermediate in my Punjabi verbiage. I’d be grateful for such influences around my children, to keep them in touch with their cultural roots.

22

Re: indecent language of 3 years old

If its just the Punjabi language you have an issue with, thats not nice. Its a great thing for your son to know as many languages as possible for him. If its part of his roots, thats the last thing you want to take away from him!

What are you afraid of?

23

Fazeelat, I'm Punjabi. And my mom once said that you can say the SAME SENTENCE in urdu and in Punjabi.....and it will sound harsher in Punjabi (even though the meaning of the sentence is the same). Punjabi has a rougher cadence to it. "Bari soni gaddi aye" is not a gaali or an insult. You may not like the way it flows, but it's not offensive. Are you a Punjabi yourself? If you're not...first you need to be able to differentiate between what is offensive and what isn't.

Here are a couple of ideas that I have, I apologize if they've already been mentioned as I didn't read through the thread in its entirety.

1) From what I know, the two languages taught in schools in Pakistan are urdu and English. Little kids are often excited about the idea of going to school. They look forward to it. So, you can even tell your son that he should ALSO make the effort to speak in Urdu because that's what he'll be reading and writing and speaking in school. This does that mean that you should eliminate Punjabi altogether. But get him to also focus on urdu (using school as motivation).

2) Your son's grandparents are not going to change. This has already been mentioned. And sometimes elders are amused at the outbursts of children....and this only encourages them. You know your husband better than we do. If he's supportive of you, then talk to him about this (without putting blame on his parents). If he's not supportive, then it can get sticky. Soooo........

  • When your son says something crude in Punjabi in front of his grandparents/aunts/uncles/cousins............teach him the more proper way of saying something. And in a simple way....use Islamic references to teach him about the importance of using decent language. You're not going to preach to your in-laws. You're going to be looking at your son when you bring Islam into this. And this is an indirect way of getting your in-laws (the elders).......to reflect over their actions. It's like an indirect reminder for them.

  • You could also nicely tell your in-laws that you're trying to get him more comfortable for school because he'll need to have a grasp for Urdu as well.

  • You are his mother. You are the one who has more of a right to discipline him. When you feel he's getting out of line....discipline him. But at the same time, also reward your son when he speaks politely. Praise him when he speaks politely so that he knows that etiquette is appreciated. And if you praise his polite behavior in front of the grandparents....they might also join in....it benefits your son. He should not be showing aggressive behavior. You talk to him about it...and if he misbehaves....put him in time out/take the toys or some other privilege away, etc. Are you being firm enough? Sometimes parents warn their children that they'll be punished....but never follow through on the consequence. And to kids, this lack of consistency sends double messages....and they don't take you seriously....because there are no boundaries.

24

fazeelat that is punjabi and what the grandparents are saying is not at all indecent.

I am a punjabi and my grand parents always spoke with me in punjabi too. I don't remember if my grand mom ever used urdu with me infact she didn't know how to speak in urdu. I can tell you that me and all their other grand children have decent urdu & english accent and all of us feel proud to know one more language i.e. punjabi.

my cousins in states are more well versed in punjabi than urdu and they are just fine and to tell you 2 of them are even studying to be doctor.

don't worry yours son will be just fine insha allah & remember your husband was raised listening to same language from the exact same people too !

25

Re: indecent language of 3 years old

i thought they were using mild swear words infront of him!
:smack:
learning more than urdu or english is not a bad thing, he will be multi lingual :slight_smile:

26

I actually thought the same thing too :rolleyes:

27

yes but punjabi has words like tatti (potty),pethhi (butt) so they also use this type of language and son sometimes repeat n repeat these words in front of everyone.

n yesterday he was saying ullo ka patha, ullo ka patha just repeat.i dont think these r decent words.

28

You know fazeelat,
i dont even know what to respond.

I also thought you ment swear words, but am quite shocked (again) at a desi calling punjabi an illiterate language. Its a trun off.

Our people should learn some lessons from Sikhs, they speak their language with pride. Punjabi is a beautiful language, nothing painduish about it :rolleyes:

Your son will not forget his urdu, dont worry.

I am Punjabi. And i would feel very ashamed if i didnt know how to talk in punjabi.

And that is what i will learn my children, to never look down at their roots.

I have seen so many Pakistani parents being all proud that their kids cant talk punjabi and only talk in urdu. And i have seen pakistani youngsters proudly saying that they dont understand punjabi.
Dont get me wrong, if you are not taught how to speak it, thats diffrenet.
I hate it when people say it proudly, as if it is a good thing they dont know it.
Because of the parents, children start believing that its a bad thing to talk in Punjabi.

Please, dont turn your son in one of those people.

29

So? Dutch has words like poep (potty) and kont (butt)

When he will join school and play with other kids, he will learn real bad words, like f*ck and sh*t,
that will be something to be concerned about.

30

Re: indecent language of 3 years old

Urdu doesn't have words for potty and butt?

Also, fazeelat, will your child be taught English? As is obvious, these words exist in English.

I think you yourself need to make clear distinctions about what you want and convey these to your child. The language is not the problem, and making the child (and his family) ashamed of his heritage is not good. Be careful to avoid that. Rather, clarify to you child what topics and words are appropriate when.

31

ullu ka patha is urdu :smack:

In Punjabi it’s ullu DA patha. :hehe:

Anyway, lemme tell ya, you protect your kids as much as you want, they go to school and come back with the strangest things…strangest words, some even you haven’t heard before.

The best way to deal with this is if you feel others are influencing your child in some sort of a negative way, you start spending more quality time with the kid and dilute the negative with positive.

32

Re: indecent language of 3 years old

fazeelat,

First of all, you are an idiot to say that *speaking *punjabi is illiterate.

Why did you marry into a punjabi family if you think punjabi or any thing related to that is illiterate? Tum kitni parhi likhi ho jo punjabi illiterate lagti hai? kon sa teeer maar lia hai urdu/english se jo punjabi illiterate hai?

You need to get with the program. Don’t let your shallowness keep your kids from learning about their culture and heritage.

Now, if there is cursing and bad words like bc and f words being used then you should see who is using them and stop that person? Don’t confront the kids, at least not as small as 3 year old. The more you talk about it with him the more it will register into his head. Act like he did not say anything… but if it persists, a real good smack under the ear should take care of it once and for all.

I think fazeelat is confused about what is and isn’t decent. Tatti isn’t decent but sh!t is, fazeelat puttar? Maybe your lousy, english ass prefers crap instead of sh!t? Are you saying, he can say fart but not pudd? Hawaa chhorna is indecent but passing gas is perfectly fine? Going back to my first line in this post… :rolleyes:

33

So what? You just said the English equivalent of those words...that means your language is also indecent. You translated Punjabi into English...you want your son to say potty and butt instead? Is that your whole entire point? That English is better than Punjabi?

yikes