Indecent In-laws!!

Lifestyle Relationships
1

Yep, said it right. Males can be facing such issues as well.

Your parents and your In-laws are poles apart in terms of decency, loving and caring for each other. It’s a norm in your family to wish each other on special occasions and be genuinely concerned about health and safety. Your family rarely brings money into the discussion and would love you regardless.

Their sole concern about you revolves around how much money you make. Materialism is evident from their behavior and there is a noticeable shift in their attitude when you’re doing well as opposed to when you were not.

Your family has a better background in terms of education, exposure, authority, decency, family legacy and perhaps money as well. BUT .. your In-laws probably wanted someone even richer.
They’re superstitious and egoistic for no reason at all, and at times you feel like you’ve put yourself into a sinkhole for no reason.

Your wife is a nice person otherwise and understands * some * of the stuff, but isn’t really ready to take a stand. She would want you to budge in most cases and try to brush off the issues rather illogically.

How would you deal with them?

2

Re: Indecent In-laws!!

Unless you live with them should be pretty easy to ignore.

Honestly I didn't realize men had to be so involved w/ the inlaws.

3

men have heart too u know :snooty:

PS: uffffff ki gayish dialog mara hai ! :smack:

4

Re: Indecent In-laws!!

^^ :hehe:

i didnt say it you did…

5

Re: Indecent In-laws!!

right, you basically think your better thank your in laws in every way and look down on them. Your wife sould be so grateful that a person of your "exposure" and "legacy" married her, even though she clearly comes from a lower class family of vulgar, money-obsessed. lacking in legacy commoners.

Get off your high horse mate.

Are you living in Pakistan by any chance?

6

Re: Indecent In-laws!!

/\ Avoid being presumptuous. I am unmarried. This was sent by a friend and posted as is.

Most, if not all, in our friends circle had advised him not to go ahead with that rishta.

Plus I know a lot of the underlying reasons behind his outburst(s). There are quite a few.

7

please elaborate?

8

Re: Indecent In-laws!!

well you can't expect dcent advise from us if we dont know the whole deal.

and if it was from your friend then i say stay away...

9

well since your friend is not married I would have advised the same thing. Dont go for it. People like that NEVER change! and it would get WORST with time, especially if your wife wont stand up for/with you. Not worth it! money is not the only driving thing in life. For a husband/wife their character, morals, values are a HUGE part of the process... just fast forward to 20 years later how does your friend imagine his life? what will his in laws or his wife would think if he lost his job etc etc?

10

Re: Indecent In-laws!!

My friend is genuinely facing this problem.

like....

The in-laws asking abt property details and being too concerned with what they had and what they had sold. Checking the ownership papers and what not.

After engagement and before the wedding, he was in between switching jobs and jobless for a month or two. His parents asked for the wedding date and they were told how could they ask for a wedding date when their son didn't even have a job. His in-laws looked for new candidates for marriage while he was engaged to his (now) wife.

Many a times his BIL wouldn't come to say 'hi' when he goes to their house.

He wasn't given a thing (wedding ring, suit n what not) on the wedding, but was explicitly asked to get his wife the best designer lehngas, diamond ring and X amount of gold.

They pushed for getting the family house being gifted to his wife prior to the wedding.

..... there's more but that's all what I can think of right now

11

**
Her family has the absolute right to ask about:**

job status
how much debt you're in (I frankly don't care, and many people don't, but some people do from a religious perspective, and you need to respect that)
setting a wedding date when the groom's life is more stable
choose her own wedding dress, regardless of cost, as long as she's willing to foot the bill for whatever the cost is beyond what you can afford
**
Her family DOES NOT have the right to:**

Demand X amount of gold, diamond ring, best designer lengha. If she wants something specific, like I said, she can foot the remainder of the bill, and you can tell her what your spending limit is on those items.

Demand HIS FAMILY HOUSE be put in HER NAME.

**
He DOES NOT have the right to:**

Expect her family to pay for HIS wedding dress. I know it happens in some families, but it doesn't in others. These things can be negotiated, and quite honestly, go pay for your own sherwani. Be a man.

12

best advice.

13

The only issue is ** he is married already **

14

How long ?
If newly married , he can divorce her and marry in some decent family. He knew all this before the wedding , then why did he go for it ?
He must have had some vested interest , in love for this girl ? Higher social status of the future in laws ?
He has to live with it now. He cannot change the mentality and attitudes of whole family, either he adopt to their ways or live with it all and stop complaining.
If he is not in love with his wife because of misgivings of her family shame on him.

15

Re: Indecent In-laws!!

^ hey don't jump to divorce so soon ! it should always be the last resort.

However I can understand that it's a difficult situation for him right now.

I know some uncle who was in not exactly the same but a similar situation so he found a job in some other city and moved and things got somewhat better after that because his wife's family was not there to interfere. May be can do something like that ! good luck to him.

16

But he's already married!

whatever happened to "for richer or poorer....." ?

The biggest issue girls have (atleast on life1) is MIL poking her nose into THEIR households. "She is welcome to stay as long as she does not interfere", is unanimous voice for MILs living with married sons.

Why would a guy's in-laws continue asking about HIS finances when the daughter is not complaining? No good. No good at all.

17

Re: Indecent In-laws!!

I agree with PCG! The guy needs to be stable and should behave immaturely when asked to be so!
What is wrong with guys. they want the girl to live up to all the expectations but cant do it themselves?

The girl's family might have had negative experiences with their other daughters, among friends or relatives where the guy might have turned out to be differently and maybe they are being over-protective because of that. we all know that it happens out there that they guy's family presents themselves as the perfect rishta and turns out to be nothing close to that.

there might be many reasons for their behavior.try to see things from their point of view and see what he can cope with and not. he should forgive and forget the past and build a future with his wife. if he is not willing to do so is immature IMO!