incident after BIL's wedding

[Paheli00]

Re: incident after BIL’s wedding

@sarkha28

My husband, MIL, and BIL insisted that I not get her anything. They were mindful of our financial situation and would rather we use the money to contribute to the wedding.

Let’s not fool ourselves into thinking that ANYONE was mindful of your financial situation (including you). I’m disgusted by the fact that you & your husband agreed to spend $17,000 from you student LOANS on a wedding! I find it even worse that your BIL, the one who is supposedly ready to take on the responsibility of a family, was ok with it. By the time you’re at $17,000…….$250 is nothing at that point.

@sarkha28

I assumed that she would have some idea about the financial situation of my in-laws and my husband and I, and that my BIL would have discussed these things with her. Unfortunately, everyone in my in-laws is pretty formal with one another, and they don’t discuss money issues openly (at least not with the bahus). So not everybody knows who is paying for stuff.

How stupid/rude was it of me to not get her a nice, proper gift?

1. Important life lesson for you: Never ASSUME anything & leave it at that. Ask and confirm that your assumption is true.

2. You already knew that your in-laws are formal w/ one another & don’t discuss money matters openly. So I have no idea what led you to believe that your BIL would openly discuss money matters with his fiancé.

3. You wrote you were “close friends” with this girl since even before you got married to your husband. I think it was stupid/rude of you not to discuss this situation with her. YOU, as her “close friend”, should have picked up the phone and openly told her exactly what was happening. Yet you chose to be a coward and stayed silent, hoping that BIL or someone else would tell her. Even now, you’re talking about buying a gift and throwing it in her face…….yet not once are you considering that option of simply talking to her! Why are you so formal with a woman who has been your close friend since before your own marriage?