In Shock...What has this world come to?

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Why isnt anyone mentioning the way in which he did this? Is it alright to just go out and date a woman for ages and then decide to marry while you have another wife at home? I know that in Islam you dont have to ask your first wife for permission to marry another, but I have never come across any information that says you can have a fling with another woman while married to another woman, and not marry the one you are having the fling with for months (or whatever). There are things to consider and ways it should be done. If you read the history of the prophet(SAW) you will notice that he didnt do that with any of his wives(atleast not to my knowledge). He didnt go out and have flings and then decide, oh, I will marry you now that we have dated forever. (Atleast not from my knowledge, if anyone knows different, do provide me the references, I could be wrong.)

Another point is that muslims should look for certain qualities in a woman when considering her for marriage, or so I believe. I dont believe it was handled well from what I have read, but then I dont know the details.

22

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by sabah: *
<<Anyways, personally I believe that after a basic level of physical comfort happiness is a state of mind and a person needs to find happiness in himself, happiness is not a consequence of circumstances. <<

Interesting, could you please elaborate?

[/QUOTE]

Sabah, I just meant that WHY is this person 'unhappy'? He has a loving wife and kids, grandchildren, respect in the community, has a comfortable lifestyle, Allah ka dya sab kuch hae mashallah. Then WHY is this person unhappy? Its a plain case of NASHUKRI. Aisay bhee log dunya mein khush rehtay hayn who are handicapped and are sufferring from a disease and have no family members. Long term happiness in life does not come from your hallaat but in fulfilling your religious and moral obligations and being thankful to God for whatever He has given you. Its not about your situation but about your attitude, I strongly believe that.

But then again, Allah o Alim, aaj tak mujh pe Allah ne kabhee aisi aazmaaish naheen daali toh shayad I can afford to have this view.

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by sabah: *
<>

He could be dead tomorrow for all we know, I honestly believe that you should be satisfied with yourself and your life before you die, ba'd ki ba'd meiN. I'm not advocating him, what I'm saying is that this individual deserves to be happy and satisfied with this life, unless he believes in re-incarnations.

[/QUOTE]

Sabah, every person deserves to be happy, I agree. But, a person needs to 'make efforts' to be 'happy' specially jub Allah ka dya sub kuch ho. And certainly the way to get this 'happiness' [what is 'happiness' anyway?] is not to abandon your family. That's just SELFISH and in my humble opinion, WRONG.
I am sure that if he wanted to he could find 'happiness' in his marriage or in his family, in fact one has to find happiness in himself.

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by sabah: *
Whatever society thinks of him is really not his problem. HaaN his kids are, and if they see their father happy tau they should understand, else it's sad but understandable especially if their mother is not happy.

[/QUOTE]

Saba, you honestly think ANY kids can be happy when they know their father has left them and their mother and gotten married to some other woman? I don't think so. They might try to show they are happy for him or whatever, but in their hearts it will always be an open wound. Parents are the one selfless beings and the one sacred and pure people in your lives who will love you no matter what and who are YOURS. Every child thinks that he is centre of the universe for his parents and he is the reason that his parents live and that their happiness revolves around his happiness. Its just unimaginable for a child to think of his parents as separate individuals with their own lives, his parents lives are HIS own, he owns them, thats how children think. When a parent does something like that, it causes the child EXTREME shock and leaves the child very very alone, for the child it is a betrayal of the highest order.

This case might be different because the kids are grownup and have their own lives, but still.

And ofcourse they will still love him, he is their father, chahay jo bhee ho ye rishta hi aisa hota hae...lekin it will be very difficult to accept what he has done, it will definitely always be a source of pain for his children.

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by sabah: *
As for her, it's equally bad if she knows that she's living with a man who doesn't want to be with her. It's not just about having someone you can sit with or cry for, the man is not there emotionally. Of course one can argue whether you should allow your self to cross the limit in that age and social pressure, you can also argue whether he can allow him self a happier life regardless of how long that feeling may last.

[/QUOTE]

Its true that he is not there emotionally, but still, I think any woman chahay oopar se logon ko dikhanay le lyay kee ji mein bohot strong hoon jo bhee kahay in her heart she would prefer that situation over him getting remarried and leaving her. Chaahay banda aap ke saath emotionally ho na ho, us kee roz shakal hi nazar aana and knowing ke atleast the person is there means a lot.

And why is he not there emotionally? He is certainly to blame for that. This is his wife, the mother of his children, the grandmother of his grandkids, the matriarch of his family, the person he has spent his life with and grown old with. Zindagi kay is mor pe aa ke, when they are old apni wife ko is tarhaan chor dena...its just such a betrayal.

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by sabah: *
If his feeling are shallow tau so are his wife's and the social pressure.
If she had known about his affair and she wanted to live rest of her live with him, she should have fought for him. It's not enough to watch from sideline and cry over the outcome. What did she expect that he's going through a phase and it'll just end?

[/QUOTE]

That's true Sabah, but she would have preferred atleast that situation over what has happenned now.
Besides, she is not the one to be blamed here, he is. Don't you think he is doing something extremely WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG to be having this affair in the first place?
Its very very WRONG.

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by sabah: *
No one is blaming his halaat, he could be a king yet be dead unhappy. To be loved is a bliss lekin sometimes you want to love as well. Too bad that he has lost one great thing to get the other.

[/QUOTE]

Toh he has a family, why can't he love them?

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by sabah: *
Again it's sad for the first wife, she probably didn't deserve this, no one should be unhappy but that's not possible. Those of us who can 'fight' for what we want will definitely get it.

As for being a unit tau, that is his call he probably see him self as an individual. As for his duties, tau his kids are all grown up, married. What else do you expect him to do for them? Maybe he didn't walk away before as he wanted to fulfill his duties towards his kids, and now that they're mature he can move on and live his life?

[/QUOTE]

Sabah, his kids might be married, but he is still their father, and still the grandfather of their kids. His duties towards them will never end till he is alive.

Its not that he has to do anything for them. Its just that he should be there for them.

'Live his life', separate from them? His life is not HIS life. HIS life belongs to them and his wife and the rest of his family. He can't just go and do something like that, his family is tied to his every breath, once you are married and have children, its not about YOU anymore, its about your family, you don't have the right to just take off and seek 'personal happiness'.

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by sabah: *
Dunno to me it seems that you're saying ke if he had just left tau that'd have been fine, now that you know he's moved on, re-married and is probably happy and his first is not you're blaming him for that, and nothing more.

[/QUOTE]

Sabah, ofcourse not. I'm not saying that in the least. I am saying that what he has done is incredibly selfish, he has caused immense pain to his wife and children. It seems he never cared for them enough.
And its sad because what he did is really not going to bring him the 'happiness' that he's looking for, if he had only being more shukarguzaar and tried to find happiness in his family and himself and Allah then he and his whole family would not have to go through all this.

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by sabah: *
Rest are just excuses for keeping him trapped in a sad relationship. Had he died unhappy I'm sure same society and kids would have been crying their eyes out as their father had lived such a sad life.

[/QUOTE]

Sabah, he is the one to blame for being so 'unhappy' jab Allah ka dya sub kuch hae. Yes, the kids would have been crying because they would be sad that their father remained unhappy...because they love him. But, really, what he did was not the way to achieve 'happiness'.

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by sabah: *
Religiously I'm sure he doesn't need his first wife's permission. Religiously he's done nothing wrong.

[/QUOTE]

Hmm...are you sure? Maybe...But from what I've heard a man needs to get permission from his first wife before he gets remarried, and he needs to treat all his wives equally.

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by sabah: *
You can judge ppl all you want but you can not tell ppl when they can or should be happy and satisfied, that is very unique and individual feeling.
[/QUOTE]

Thats true Sabah, I agree. But if someone derives happiness from something wrong, like drugs for example, then it is still wrong.

23

:slight_smile: stay that way Najim bhai plz don’t change :k:

Moona and funguy, you are right I am sure there is more than meets the eye.

Moona, you know this whole thing about being ‘on different wavelengths’…when husbands come and claim that their wives are not educated and are on a ‘different wavelength’…it makes me feel soooooooo mad I can’t even tell ya. Dil chahta hae ke bas :mad3: I mean, how arrogant! And why did they marry their wives in the first place? Agar shaadi ker li hay toh be man enough to nibha the shaadi, nikah kyun kya tha aisi bandi se? Aurat ki zindagi kya itni faaltoo thee ke aap ne shaadi ker li aur ab khayaal aa raha hae ke she is not on your same ‘intellectual wavelength’? Does the man have the right ke is bechari aurat kee zindagi is tarhaan barbaad karay? Its just arrogance.

And they have spent their lives together now, why at this point should he leave her like this…its bewafai, betrayal, selfishness.

24

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by PakistaniAbroad: *
well he acted within the bounds of religion didn't he.. why isn't everyone congratulating him for marrying and not carrying on an extra marital affair with that lady?? Religion sanctions it so it should be good right?? and it must also feel good to everyone right?? cuz religious sanctions are all for our good and a happy content society right??
[/QUOTE]

Hmm...are you sure religion sanctions this? Maybe...But from what I've heard a man needs to get permission from his first wife before he gets remarried, and he needs to treat all his wives equally.

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Degas: *
There are many things which are permissible in religion but are not mandatory to follow like multiple marriages.. living in a Pakistani society we have obligations to others around us and our actions have far reaching consequences.. happy marriages alone dont keep persons for having extra-marital affairs.. its resposibility and care of other memebers of society that counts far above any so called happiness thing.. the shame that guy brought to his children who were married is unimaginable.. one can get away from it in western society but in east its a curse that many generations have to face..

I knew a young guy in Lahore thru a friend who had a great loving wife and 2 cute kids.. he statrted to chat with a girl at net and later on married that girl leaving the family..
[/QUOTE]

Degas bhai, that is just really really despicable.

And I agree with you, I was thinking the same thing, we can only imagine the kinds of taunts his daughters must be getting from their susraals about what he has done. They will have to live with it for the rest of their lives.

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Ana: *
What's so wrong with him marrying again? Good for him, if it makes him happy. His first wife should go get a divorce and married again herself; she deserves to be happy to. All this crying business is BS and detrimental to health.

[/QUOTE]

Ana, its not that easy. You think its going to be easy for his first wife and children to not cry over this and get a divorce and marry someone else?

This is probably going to be one of the most painful realities of their lives forever. Dil ka ik hissa is baat kee wjah se hamesha dard karay ga, zindagi ne agar behtar rukh le bhee lya.

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Ana: *
If you want to bring religion into it, Huzoor's wives were mostly divorcees or widows, so there's no religious injunction against getting remarried for anybody, at any age, to any age.

[/QUOTE]

Actually, I don't have enough Islamic knowledge to discuss this topic from an Islamic point of view :(

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Ana: *
I know so many uncles and aunties who've remarried. Good for them, I say. As for kids, well if they're all married themselves, they have their own lives don't they? Kids should be understanding. They're likely to do those same things when they get sick of their spouses themselves.
[/QUOTE]

Ana, read my reply to Saba about the kids.

And 'sick of their spouses'....what kind of a thought is that? A spouse is not a pair of shoes or a shampoo ke u r 'sick of it' and you can 'change it'. The bond of marriage should be entered thinking it is a SACRED LIFELONG bond.

25

I never said that Ana. Ofcourse not, never.
I will ofcourse sympathise with them and try to be even nicer to them than before. They are certainly not to blame for this, if anything they deserve more sympathy.

About the religious POV, plz read my reply to PA, I’m not sure.

As for ‘moving on’ its not so easy Ana, to move on from relationships, specially shaadi ki relationship jis mein ye donon itnay saalon se thay. One can never ever truly move on from such a relationship.

26

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Faisal: *
About the only thing which is surprising is that it took so long for this uncle to realize that he does not want to remain married with his first wife. Then again, maybe he wanted to get out of this marriage much earlier, but waited till his kids are grown and married. In which case, I'd say the sacrifice is made by the dude.

[/QUOTE]

Faisal bhai read my reply to sabah..

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Faisal: *
I didn't read that he has divorced his first wife, yet. So the husband is still responsible to support the first wife. Plus he moved out of the home, so she is not exactly out on the roads or anything.

[/QUOTE]

Faisal bhai that's true. But jab saath hi chor dya hae toh paisay de ke aur ghar de ke kon sa bara ehsaan ho jayay ga. Paisay bhee khud hi rakh leyn aur ghar bhee, Allah denay wala hae, aunty ka guzara toh ho hi jayay ga na kisi na kisi tarhaan. Un ke mashallah se dou jawan bete hayn, woh apni maan ka khayaal khud rakh leyn ge. Aunty ne keh hi dya hae ke ab toh un ke khawand kee taraf se roti ka eik sookha tukra bhee un ke lyay haraam hae. The uncle showed absolutely no remorse over his action to her and the pain he caused her.

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Faisal: *
There are a couple of options for the first wife. She can chose to carry on. At this age, she should have a fair bit of social circle where she can lean for emotional support, plus she has her grown up kids, who no doubt will support her. Although unlikely at this age, but she can chose to get a divorce and marry someone else.

[/QUOTE]

Faisal bhai, she can do all that, I doubt she will get remarried though, is age pe aa ke jab ke nani dadi ban chuki hayn. But the pain will always always be there, for her and for her kids....And he too, after some time, I am sure will realise what he has done..phir kya us bechari doosri aurat ki zindagi khraab karayn ge woh?

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Faisal: *
Separation or divorce is always a sad thing. No denying that. Especially after such a long period of togetherness with so many happy memories. Ideally we'd want all couples to grow old together and die close to each other.

[/QUOTE]

true....

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Faisal: *
Unfortunately the ideal does not always hold true and in some cases, just being together does not mean the people are happy. We only get one chance to live a life.
[/QUOTE]

Faisal bhai aap bhee? :( Chahay jo bhee ho you think what he did was right and excusable? :(

27

pkm :hug: i know yaar… :frowning: :teary3:

That’s true Munni…

About the more than one shaadi, read my reply to PA..

28

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by irem: *
Faisal bhai aap bhee? :( Chahay jo bhee ho you think what he did was right and excusable? :(
[/QUOTE]

I don't know. About the only two people who actually know the reason why the marriage was not successful are the husband and the wife (the first one). The rest of us are fishing for answers based on superficial information.

Maybe the couple had always been fighting with each other. Maybe they never publicized their inner turmoil cz that is considered a shame in some societies. Maybe their marriage was a forced one in the first place. Since the marriage lasted so long so I would think the guy did had some morals or else they would have broken up years ago over some other woman. Or may be they came close to it a few times in their married life. We just don't know all the answers, and we probably will never know.

I agree that after so many years, chances are that a person should have reconciled to the life, whatever it is. This guy didn't. Its unusual in Pakistani society, and we all wish it don't happen more frequently, but in this case, it happened, and its over.

29

Irem, show me one Islamic quote that says marriage is a "lifelong" bond. This is archaic societal thinking, not religious. Is society above religion now? Marriage is a bond, that's all. Allah SWT sanctioned it, so it's sacred. Itna kaafi hai.

What kind of statement is "sick of one's spouse"? Exactly the kind it reads. When you've had your fill of one person, you get sick of him/her. There is no harm in admitting it. We are all human. These are natural human emotions, not being "selfish" about anything.

As for nashukri - shukar for what? A wife he does not love? Would you prefer that this uncle visit Heera Mandi every night to satisfy his needs, and still remain married to a woman he does not feel anything for? That is simply inhumane. He has a natural need, he needs to satisfy himself in a proper morally decent outlet, so be it.

He waited this long for his kids to grow up, tolerated a woman he didn't care about, isn't that a sacrifice on the man's part? The woman has a boutique and is capable of living on her own, she should be grateful that the husband has not totally left her penniless. Plus, their kids are grown up and married now, what is the problem? As for their feelings, time heals everything. They will adjust.

If you say that "kids think this way about their parents and so emotionally attached etc etc", that's plain selfishness on the part of the kids, to secure their own feelings and future. After a certain stage, kids are no longer kids, they become adults with all the selfish needs of an adult. In this case, they have their own families, they should look to themselves.

I don't see any selfishness on either party's part. I think your uncle did the right thing. He had an affair, that was wrong, but he went out and rectified the matter and married the other woman, which was a decent thing to do.

[quote]
This is probably going to be one of the most painful realities of their lives forever. Dil ka ik hissa is baat kee wjah se hamesha dard karay ga, zindagi ne agar behtar rukh le bhee lya.
[/quote]

Everyone has pain in their lives, some early, some late, some more than others. That's life. Even kings and queens are not immune from pain and suffering. They just have to accept that that's how things are and go on. Life doesn't stop for anyone.

Kisi ki zindagi barbaad nahin hoti aisey haadson sey. It may be a big deal now, but they will get used to it. It's not like he has cancer or something. They should be glad his life is going on well. It's tuff to do, I know, but it's not impossible.

As for shadi itni aasaan baat nahin hain etc etc, bibi, agar aap soochtey baitheingi haar mauzoo pey about marriage, to shadi hi nahin karengien. Marriage is satisfying natural needs and procreating in a wholesome manner, what's to think about to the point of hairs falling from the head? It's sacred only because it's a bond of responsibility, but every bond is breakable if it becomes too burdensome. Prophet Muhammed SAW has said not to make life too difficult for yourself, and to practice religion in moderation. Societal restrictions are just that: restrictions. They make for millions of depression cases around the world every day. That's certainly not healthy. And I certainly don't believe friends and neighbors and rishtedaar should interfere in what goes on in someone else's family unless they ask for help.

Frankly, I think all women when they get towards old age should be willing to entertain the thought that their husband will possibly lose interest in them, and they should become open to the idea. It is hard to do, but again, not impossible. Also, husbands should keep in mind that their wife might possibly get tired of them. It goes both ways. Age does things to people. It's only natural, when you "lose" your youth, if you've not given adequate thought to maturing into old age with grace and vitality, you fumble into it and it's difficult to reconcile the few remaining days left in this world, with physical strength that is slowly dying. It's all a matter of educating yourself, and accepting things the way they are.

30

marrying a second time isnt wrong in itself, but the way this was done can't be justified.

31

That’s true, u r right, sachai toh Allah hi janta hae…

but Faisal bhai…no matter what he shouldn’t have left his wife and family like that…jo bhee ho raha tha, she didn’t leave him, he is the one who walked away…

but in this case, it happened, and its over<<

:frowning:

:teary3:

Ana, I agree Islam does not say that marriage has to be a lifelong bond, but the end of a marriage is allowed only under EXTREME circumstances..EXTREME…and it still is one of the most napsandida things in Allah’s eyes.

Ana, not every natural human emotion/need should be satisfied and is right. Think about it. Self control is very important.

And this whole concept of ‘having your fill of one person’ and ‘getting sick of a person’ seems too cold, heartless and selfish to me. Wafa aur saath nibhana bhee toh eik cheez hoti hae na.

Ana, what is this ‘love’? She is his wife and he needs to live with her properly, that’s all. Love needs to ne nurtured. He obviously did not put in the effort.

Tolerated? Was she that bad? Is any human being that bad that other people need to ‘tolerate’ him? If he had tried, couldn’t he have lived with her happily? She was his wife, and they have a big family under them. I think that would be very arrogant for him to think that he was ‘tolerating’ her all this time, and after everything she was his wife!
And why didn’t her care about her? And he is now going to care about this new woman he has married?
I don’t know Ana…it just doesn’t feel good…something is wrong there…

Rizq Allah kee taraf se hota hae koi kisi ka mohtaaj naheen hota.

Bara ehsaan kya hae unhon ne ke apni beewee ko penniless naheen chora…:rolleyes: jab itna purana saath chor dya toh paisay kya cheez haen…unheen ko pyaray hon woh paisay bhee…Allah dene wala hae…

Time does not heal everything Ana. Ask a mother who has lost her child, ask a woman who has been abandoned by her husband…One might not think about it as much as he did when the event happenned, but the wound is always there, time does not heal everything…

Ana, even if they are gown up, rishta toh abhee tak hay na bachon ka maan baap se…woh toh kabhee bhee khatam naheen ho sakta…their parents lives are very much their business and even more so now as they are old…

decent? more like the height of selfishness…apni beewee bachon kee zindagi mein itna zehr ghola aur us doosri aurat kee zindagi mein bhee…
and its not even like he is going to remain happy and content after this…

U r right Ana, zindagi Allah kee naymat hae, one shouldnt be ungrateful. lekin jo baat hui hae it will always be a source of immese pain for her and the kids…
and after some time even he is bound to realise his mistake lekin phir kya us doosri aurat kee zindagi kharaab karein ge?

I never said ke a person should make the decision of marriage difficult, I agree with you its something simple and one should just keep it simple, not think about it too much and obsess over the decision too much. Lekin shaadi insaan ki aik hi baar hoti hae aur soch samajh ker hi kerni chahiyay.

As for societal restrictions, yes some are meaningless but some are not. Some are truly there for a reason.

That’s true they shouldn’t interfere all the time lekin sometimes there are situations when they are not asked for help but they still should interfere and try to resolve matters.

That’s true Ana, one should always be prepared for the worst, but that doesn’t mean ke if something like that happens its right…

that’s true…

also, i am not too learned about Islamic POV regarding polygamy…but from what I know second marriages are only allowed if the husband asks his first wife and treats all his wives equally…and there are certain reasons he is allowed to remarry…

32

[quote]

Originally posted by Ana:
And I certainly don't believe friends and neighbors and rishtedaar should interfere in what goes on in someone else's family unless they ask for help.

Irem says:
That's true they shouldn't interfere all the time lekin sometimes there are situations when they are not asked for help but they still should interfere and try to resolve matters.

[/quote]

Outside people should still interfere when they are not being asked to? Hmmm. That's sad.

What matters will resolved? The man was not a 4 year old with a choosni in his mouth. He is a sensible adult who made his own choice. It's done and over with already. Rather than ruin the life of the newlywed couple, people should just let them be.

[quote]
shaadi insaan ki aik hi baar hoti hae aur soch samajh ker hi kerni chahiyay.
[/quote]

Yes, one ought to think well before getting married, but that is foolish to say shadi sirf aik baar hoti hai. I'm sure plenty of divorcees and widows consider their second and third and fourth marriages just as good or better than their first one.

33

Irem, I didn't read all of your post as like me you're saying the same thing over and over again. Fact is, he's married, you don't know his reasons, he hasn't asked anyone to approve it, you don't know whether he left his kids or not (you didn't say anything about that), and he has not divorced his first wife so she still has the financial security, she probably lost the emotional part long ago, hence the second marriage. So what exactly did she loose that is making difference now?

Whatever you expect of his is 'your' problem, you can't expect others to live by your definition of happiness. Thanks God there is no religious ruling on when one can or can't feel happy. If his family wasn't enough for him tau it just wasn't enough. If anyone wanted to show him the 'right' path they should've done so before he got married again.

Irem, realistically would you like to stay in a marriage if you knew your husband doesn't love you, he's not happy? I guess not, that's mental torture for you too.

Again, you can not define or dictate happiness to anyone else. Religiously he did nothing wrong, as for his affair, tau that could've been as harmless as he talking to his secretary.

Every individual defines the important factors in his/her life, for some it's religion, or others it's something else. We all have different moral sets as well, poore package se insaan banta hai, and by his age one would expect he knows what he wants. I don't see any reason for more compromises.

Hopefully his first is not waiting for him to divorce the second to come back.

34

very stupid indeed…
adultry is just sooo not our paki style…:nono:

35

Irem sis Aslomalakum
yara it is sad news our sab ke relpies paar ke mein soch rahi hon ...kahna aur mashwaray dena asan hota hai laken jiss par beetati hai wohi jantaa hai ..kaher Allah ke har kaam mein koi na koi batheri hoti hain , aap zeada parshan mat hoon ..

36

This man has upped and left a whole family and we are supposed to jump up and down and clap for him?????????? So for his SOLE happiness his wife and kids and probably his own family are supposed to sacrifice theirs? For his own happiness he will probably put them all through hell and back. He deserves to rot.

37

I freely admit.

I didn't read every post or answer.

Q is?

Is this man living up to expectations?

And..his job is to take care of wife and children from the 1st marriage.. so is he?

If not...

Surely a failure to expectations.

And..a person Nobody should consider marriage with. Ever.