A niece is madly in love with a nice, handsome and very decent guy (there is not two opinions about the guy), but without much professional qualification (B.COM), not interested in the career (business oriented) but without much financial capital.
There are people trust him, and he is using their funds for a small business on part time base (he could earn about RS. 50K pm), and intending to continue doing same on full time base (in fact I was talking to one o his financer who was unhappy to hear about our plans for him to move out of Pakistan, as he want to invest more money on him for something on full time business).
Although we take comfort in his ability to generate this kind of money without much fund on his own means he know how to earn the money. And may be with small financial support he would be able to stand on his own.
But we still fear for girl’s future.
I would appreciate if someone could share opinion about this situation.
Re: In love with nice, trustworthy but financially unstable
I would have been able to answer well if you had mentioned why he didn't study further after B.com ?
Khair, if this was the situation with my sister I would not opt for the rishta. I may sound completely absurd to many of you but guys who expect or are willing to accept any financial support from in-laws or as a matter of fact from other people are not good guys. He may turn out to be a very nice guy but still I would never advise my sister to marry someone who still hasn't been able to find a decent source of income for himself. I would rather advise her to wait and let the guy establish himself before marriage.
But considering she is so much in love with him I don't know if the parents have much choice !
Re: In love with nice, trustworthy but financially unstable
Financially unstable otherwise fine..!!!
I think more important question would be "What if someone is married to financially stable and later the person looses his wealth"? should his wife leave him and go back to her parents or walk away with someone else???
Today, no one can grantee financial stability anything can happen to anyone, only the potentials can be measured based on the attitude/character and skill of the person.
Your fears are valid, you may not want this guy in your niece's life but you need to do it for right reasons... financial stability is something which is unstable by it self...
I knew a Family in UAE, who called-off a wedding because the guy didn't have decent job but they agrees otherwise the boy had the potential to grow... well the girl got married to another financially stable and religious family and now she had came back home with a divorce in 8 months time... on the other hand the boy is on the right track is doing fine with his life... so lets not make decision on the financial grounds..
Yes if he is financially unstable because of his laziness( which is not the case here) then this is totally different story...
I would have been able to answer well if you had mentioned why he didn't study further after B.com ?
Khair, if this was the situation with my sister I would not opt for the rishta. I may sound completely absurd to many of you but guys who expect or are willing to accept any financial support from in-laws or as a matter of fact from other people are not good guys. He may turn out to be a very nice guy but still I would never advise my sister to marry someone who still hasn't been able to find a decent source of income for himself. I would rather advise her to wait and let the guy establish himself before marriage.
But considering she is so much in love with him I don't know if the parents have much choice !
Yes this the reason. They did not reject the relationship because they like the guy, waited for him to come good but now high time. She loves him madly and off course (in my opinion) he is gem of the person.
The man reason he did not study beyond B.Com become, he always want to do his own business.
He is not taking money from people for free, it is some sort of business model where they invest on him on profit sharing base (he is earing around 100K per month which share 50/50 with financiers).
Honestly speaking being businessman myself, i admire his ability to generate this kind of return with so called part time activity. But still like to see him doing something for 9 to 6, while continue this part time as well.
Again it worry time, but she is the one who put us through this. We feel our hands are tied.
The man reason he did not study beyond B.Com become, he always want to do his own business.
That's not a good enough reason. I know a business family. They are one of the richest in Pakistan but all their kids have completed their education from prestigious universities of USA.
Education has got nothing to do with desire to have one's own business.
Reason I am stressing so much on why he didn't study further is because may be he has this thing in his mind that "I will not work for anyone it's slavery" I have seen this attitude in many guys and I find it completely wrong because to me it shows arrogance Allah has told us to earn halal and do hard work. We all have to put up with many things which we don't like when we are working for someone and unwillingness to put up with that shows some attitude problem "It's not for me" syndrome similar to like "It can't happen to me syndrome" I hope you are understanding me. It also show laziness may be the guy isn't interested in 9-5 job if thats the case then you should really really think alot before finalising the rishta because I have seen guys with such attitude becoming penny less.
I hope the business he is doing right now is not a fad whose bubble will be burst soon ! mostly such businesses yields higher profits for short period of time followed by losses.
However I do agree with hanibal that financial stability is in itself so unstable.
A niece is madly in love with a nice, handsome and very decent guy (there is not two opinions about the guy), but without much professional qualification (B.COM), not interested in the career (business oriented) but without much financial capital.
There are people trust him, and he is using their funds for a small business on part time base (he could earn about RS. 50K pm), and intending to continue doing same on full time base (in fact I was talking to one o his financer who was unhappy to hear about our plans for him to move out of Pakistan, as he want to invest more money on him for something on full time business).
Although we take comfort in his ability to generate this kind of money without much fund on his own means he know how to earn the money. And may be with small financial support he would be able to stand on his own.
But we still fear for girl’s future.
I would appreciate if someone could share opinion about this situation.
Oh yeah, u certainly came to the right spot for a life-changing decision.
Yes this the reason. They did not reject the relationship because they like the guy, waited for him to come good but now high time. She loves him madly and off course (in my opinion) he is gem of the person.
The man reason he did not study beyond B.Com become, he always want to do his own business.
He is not taking money from people for free, it is some sort of business model where they invest on him on profit sharing base (he is earing around 100K per month which share 50/50 with financiers).
Honestly speaking being businessman myself, i admire his ability to generate this kind of return with so called part time activity. But still like to see him doing something for 9 to 6, while continue this part time as well.
Again it worry time, but she is the one who put us through this. We feel our hands are tied.
i dont see any reason for why you should not go for him. his abilities are a clear indication of how hard-working and intelligent he is. even after a million degrees, people can be failures. if he is able to achieve what he is right now, i think he is a well enough man.
and as for you guys wanting to see him in a 9-6 mode ... glodsmiths shall be goldsmiths, doctors shall be doctors ... its a state of mind business oriented families dont like their daughters to go for a 9-6 man and a job-oriented family doesnt want a business-oriented boy for ther girl. it's just state of mind, and what you know works. but really. both are good. whoever can do whatever. you cant impose a 9-6 routine on somone who cant adjust to it. if he is doing well othrwise .. what's the problem then?
but you say you want to take him abroad ... hmmmmm ... that is where the question lies .. can he still manage to work around his business-orientedness in a foreign country with the same amount of ease, where instead a higher degree would prove beneficial?
Yes this the reason. They did not reject the relationship because they like the guy, waited for him to come good but now high time. She loves him madly and off course (in my opinion) he is gem of the person.
The man reason he did not study beyond B.Com become, he always want to do his own business.
He is not taking money from people for free, it is some sort of business model where they invest on him on profit sharing base (he is earing around 100K per month which share 50/50 with financiers).
Honestly speaking being businessman myself, i admire his ability to generate this kind of return with so called part time activity. But still like to see him doing something for 9 to 6, while continue this part time as well.
Again it worry time, but she is the one who put us through this. We feel our hands are tied.
I would say that if you can see that he has the capacity to do well, is hard working, serious about his business adventures and is a great guy altogether, this may be a great guy for your niece.
Secondly, you must be aware that having full time stable jobs comes from our fear of financial instability. It is usually found in middle class families (and justifiably so!). But if someone is willing to fight that fear and do what they love doing, you got to appreciate that.
Make sure your niece understands the possibility of not having enough money, probably very often in her life. Realistically, businesses fail more often than they flourish.
Sultan Bhai,
Make sure he is not operating a pyramid scheme as Samad Dadabhoy and othes did back in 80’s.
There is no magic formula which you can use to generate 50k or 100k working just 3 hours a day in Pakistan and generate decent profit other than operating a pyramid scheme. If it was honestly possible you would see many people doing the same what he doing and soon that competition will result in thinning the profit margin. If he is not willing to share his secret to you then there is something fishy.
The Alliance Group which was also a pyramid scheme was operated by decent guys they were members of tablighi jamat.
Recently my two brothers fell victims to this kind of pyramid scheme back in Pakistan. They never consulted with me knowing that I am dead against these kinds of investments and will not allow them to invest with this guy.
I would have been able to answer well if you had mentioned why he didn't study further after B.com ?
Khair, if this was the situation with my sister I would not opt for the rishta. I may sound completely absurd to many of you but guys who expect or are willing to accept any financial support from in-laws or as a matter of fact from other people are not good guys. He may turn out to be a very nice guy but still I would never advise my sister to marry someone who still hasn't been able to find a decent source of income for himself. I would rather advise her to wait and let the guy establish himself before marriage.
But considering she is so much in love with him I don't know if the parents have much choice !
I completely agree. Way too much of a risk ... with potentially ugly consequences.
I second that I belong to a family of doctors and pharmacists but my brother isn’t highly interested in doing either. Rather, he is trying to establish his own business that is very much unheard of in the family up until now. My parents did try to talk him into getting some degree first but he is just not interested. Now, because he is opted out of getting xyz degree does NOT mean he is some lazy-bum waiting around to find a girl with affluent background who’d support him financially. He very well knows what he wants to achieve and is toiling towards the goal slowly but surely.
And, I don’t believe that having a couple of degrees necessarily means that the person is learned, educated, and knowledgeable. Learning goes way beyond a number of textbooks, quizzes, and mid-terms.
Re: In love with nice, trustworthy but financially unstable
So lets say, worst comes worse.. he doesn't strike it rich. Your niece and her hubby will live poor...but atleast they'll be happy, filled with love and have a happy household....
WOuld you rather want this for your niece or someone like Tiger woods? There are more things in life then money.
Re: In love with nice, trustworthy but financially unstable
I can only give you my 2cents from a guy's perspective and from a guy who went on to give up a very nice healthy paying job to start his own business. I am crazy (at least that's what the world thinks)
If he is hardworking, a nice (truly gem) as you mentioned. Than in my opinion let them get married. Life is all about struggle. no one can escape those struggles. With her beside him, he will be working hard towards his goal and make sure that he can provide for her. If she has no issues with it and if the guy is such a great hardworking and a gem, than no issues whatsoever.
I say this from my own experience.. money isn't hard to make, finding good relationships is hard.
to women, it isn't. They won't admit it, but money is EVERYTHING to them in this world. Money is important to everyone though, but the difference is...their marriage choice depends fifty times more on it then a mans'.
Re: In love with nice, trustworthy but financially unstable
I think Diamond's message was lost. It has more to do with the fact that this individual (or any individual) is currently surviving off of borrowed money. Reality is, we do not know this individual, have no clue about his character. Experience would set off huge red flags for me ... only cause this guy borrows money. Will he pay it back or is this a character trait? Borrowing money and then disappearing? I know of an individual who borrowed substantial amount of money from TD Bank .... and the collection agency was after him and he saw nothing wrong with taking the money, spending it on his "business" and then moving cities so the authorities couldn't catch him.
So again, we do not know the individual. We do not know his character or his family or what kind of values he was raised with. I would advise the girl's parents to do a thorough background check. The guy I mentioned above is a real talker ... comes across as incredibly hard working and caring, but in reality, he likes easy money and had no issues taking money from his wife when he got married. She was also expected to pay off his debt, which she did.
Running from Collection Agencies isn't some joke. Being married to this kind of individual would be a real nightmare .... and yes, before you turn this into a male v. female thread, women are VERY capable of living off of their credit line and then declaring Bankruptcy. It's pathetic.
i dont see any reason for why you should not go for him. his abilities are a clear indication of how hard-working and intelligent he is. even after a million degrees, people can be failures. if he is able to achieve what he is right now, i think he is a well enough man.
and as for you guys wanting to see him in a 9-6 mode ... glodsmiths shall be goldsmiths, doctors shall be doctors ... its a state of mind business oriented families dont like their daughters to go for a 9-6 man and a job-oriented family doesnt want a business-oriented boy for ther girl. it's just state of mind, and what you know works. but really. both are good. whoever can do whatever. you cant impose a 9-6 routine on somone who cant adjust to it. if he is doing well othrwise .. what's the problem then?
but you say you want to take him abroad ... hmmmmm ... that is where the question lies .. can he still manage to work around his business-orientedness in a foreign country with the same amount of ease, where instead a higher degree would prove beneficial?
Agreed.
There is no guarantee for financial stability. I know families who started off with nothing and ended up being very successful later on AND vice versa.
Some people are more business minded and are good at that...doesnt mean they are lazy or bums...just means they are good at something different.
Another thing, job stability in the US is not as good as it was years ago. Everyone I know is trying to start a business because they dont know when they will get laid off or become a casualty of our recession. I never had an issue finding a job my entire life...and then all of a sudden it took me a FULL YEAR to land the current job I have. Financial stability in the US does not come from jobs alone anymore...every household is trying to secure a second source of income they can rely on for the future.
If this guy is smart, knows how to make money AND has good character...he is good in my book.
I belong to a family of doctors and pharmacists but my brother isn’t highly interested in doing either. Rather, he is trying to establish his own business that is very much unheard of in the family up until now. My parents did try to talk him into getting some degree first but he is just not interested. Now, because he is opted out of getting xyz degree does NOT mean he is some lazy-bum waiting around to find a girl with affluent background who’d support him financially. He very well knows what he wants to achieve and is toiling towards the goal slowly but surely.