I think the reason he isn’t responding, making plans or showing any excitement to know about you’re visit because most probably he knows you’re more excited to hang out with him than he is. That’s most probably why he is also not looking at you as a long term prospect. There are exceptions but almost all guys especially guys like him assume that if a girl showing special interest means she is like that with all the other guys and is loose & alot of other related thoughts they keep about the girls who show excitement in them. That’s common. I think, he is expecting you’ll go see him without him inviting you. Don’t.
I agree with last para of post # 13. If he contacts you again then be very upfront and tell him exactly what you expect & are not comfortable hanging out with a guy you see no future with. If you still want to contact him, do it at your own risk.
A relationship has certain upkeep which require time, dedication and of-course some finances as well. Don’t get me wrong but from his perspective, you are the cheapest option for him. He doesn’t have to take care of you every week. He doesn’t have to meet you every week and he doesn’t have to plan his life around you as well. so basically, you are the cheapest option for him. I am pretty sure when you met him first time, you must have told him something along the lines that you visit germany often, or you might come again etc … given that you didn’t let him make a move, he is just keep this spartk alive, with the hope that perhaps someday, he might get this chance.
if it was me, i would have done the same. if i was really interested in you, i would make sure to come online when you were around, i would make sure to put an effort to talk to you (other than 1-2 days a month). Given that he isn’t doing anything clearly means that he isn’t bothered by your existence. but he isn’t letting you go because he may not have anything else to do when he talks with you.
not sure if it makes sense, i am really pre-occupied so not sure if i was able to convey my point.
That deffo made sense (and hurt a little lmao)…yes I do understand where your coming from. And I understand (unfortunately).
I spoke to my cousin about this and her honest opinion is to pretend he is dead and forget him (lol). BUT she said if I do end up at this bar, then I should just go and see him for that one last time and piece of mind.
What do you guys think about this? I feel in 2 minds - part of me does wanna see him (despite the fact he is a piece is shit) and the other part of me wants to force the group to change the plan and go to another bar (however awkward it will be considering they want him there!) and just never speak or talk to him again.
Regardless of which of the above that happens - after this trip my contact with him is dead forever.
Let’s be realistic here. Just the fact that you are still confuse means that you want to visit him. Which is fine. But don’t go alone. Make sure to go with bunch of friends. Cherry on to, go with some “other guy” friends. Let him know that you aren’t the cheapest one for him. Let him know that you are in control of your life and you have moved on. He needs to learn this otherwise he will keep lingering around and will keep bothering you.
Two years spent just texting and occasional call in a long distance set up. This is not how you get to know a potential life partner. Dude just wants to get laid, perhaps in the bar. Stick to non-alcoholic drinks at the bar Find someone near in your permanent home country.
yes, 3 years is a long time of talking. but that’s all it is, talking, giving each other company after meeting one time.. you two never made it official that you two were in a relationship, and he never said he liked in that kind of way. So, if she isn’t showing the same amount o enthusiasm as you were in seeing him again, you can’t blame him. you aren’t his girlfriend, you’re a friend. and that’s okay. yo u are more invested in him, maybe when you go to Germany, you can tell him how you feel and see what he says. it’s easy to pick up the phone and chat with you, and I’m sure it has been the other way around, that’s why you have been in touch for so long.
it’s also possible he is really excited to see you but just doesn’t want to show it. you won’t really know until you are there and have a plan to meet. by the looks of it, you don’t go to Germany every other day sooo, this is your chance to see him again, make it happen, otherwise you may regret it
side note - I know people who make “vacation friends”, people whom they befriend while on vacation (as the name implies), nd chat/flirt etc whenever they feel the need.. and if they happen to go back to the same place again, it gives them someone ot hang out with.. that’s it.
Holy crap. What the ?whatever? is wrong with you people!
Assumptions, assumptions and assumptions!
No one talks to another person for 3 years, who is also across the ocean unless he is interested or he is so hideous that he cannot find anyone in person.
Mans why do you hold flirting against him. Did You want him to teach you bible?
What you don?t realize is that many a men will not like to lay their cards on the table unless the woman too shows she is serious. If you haven?t shown any intent , don?t expect him to either.
And instead of thinking for days, go-not go, just frocking ask, aboutprospects of serious relationship.
Or better still just ask mommy to find a boy for you.
The latest is that I basically confronted him about his availability and he gave me a date. So I feel like maybe I over thought everything way too much? BUT that doesn’t mean the things discussed here still aren’t valid…so yes we have a date set but now I am really not as into him as I was before. So I guess I will play it by ear and update you after my trip…? Lol.
I am back from my trip and it could not have gone worse. To make a long story short, I saw him 1 day at a party of our mutual friends and he acted like a freak (not really talking to me but just staring at me and following me around all night) and the date we had planned - he made a lame excuse and didn’t make it. Obviously I was heart broken but I am kinda processing it still.
I am just thinking now…do I keep him on FB or not? I know this is a DUMB thing but it is the last connection I will have to him (knowing what he is up to etc, it will really mean whatever this thing is is over if I do). Help…
Why would a serious guy do that? Yes, remove him from fb & if he complains directly or indirectly (it’s just my guess that he is the kind of drama-causing freaks who don’t complain directly but involve an entire neighbourhood), just say that you are not interested in a nonserious guy.
sooo, this is your chance to see him again, make it happen, otherwise you may regret it