Where do you draw the line between allowing in-laws to interfere with your personal issues and not having anything to do with the in-laws at all?
I would really love the involvement of in-laws in my personal matters. It would be so much fun and would bring lots of spice to everyday arguments. Oh I wish I have FOUR mother-in-laws! :)
I think a lot of it comes down to the husband since in the majority of cases, it is the wife who has to move in with her husband's family. I would hope that the husband/wife would tell whichever sets of parents are interferring to back off and mind their own business. I don't think there is any set line that interferring parents have to cross.
Personaly issues should be kept between the husband and wife. No outside interference is necessary.
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*Originally posted by Fret Wizard: *
Personaly issues should be kept between the husband and wife. No outside interference is necessary.
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I couldn't agree with you more! Unfortunately, a lot of these in-laws don't see it that way. :(
Basically it depends on the couple. If they allow their in-laws to meddle in their affair.. probably its sumthin they said or done so others can pick up tids bits n jump in...if they r careful enuff i dont think in-laws can do anythin much... Just my perception... :-)
ok ive been wanting to discuss this topic too............why is it that once a beta gets married......In Laws still tend to rule and control his life and not let him and his wife do what they want to do?....
well i discussed this one with my dad...and he told me keh after parents have brought up a child and u have got them married off.......he is a new man with his own responsibilities......In-Laws have no right and niether do mums to interfer in there life and what they do.......If some how he comes to u himself for advise or some right direction, there is no harm in doing that so....but after he is married he is responsible and he has every right to rule his own life.....let him experiment his own and way and not to run on others ishare.........a married boy is no longer his dad's little boy or mum's little boy he gets treated as an adult and a man or as a brother....where u would not dare interfere in his personla relationship or any of his problems.
Though i must agree that in-laws have rights too...they are like ur parents too......a girl not only gets married to her husband but to the whole family...and to keep him happy she must keep his in-laws happy.......if u love him, u would love his parents too........if they disagree in anything......compromising and talking to them about it is the best solution...not filling someone's ear on how rude they are etc...:)
Just like a woman needs to make sure, in a polite way, that her parents keep out of their marriage, so also a man needs to make sure his parents know where their boundary is.
:k:
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*Originally posted by Shirin: *
Just like a woman needs to make sure, in a polite way, that her parents keep out of their marriage, so also a man needs to make sure his parents know where their boundary is.
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Shirin: you are right but it is the ideal situation. I really hope this would happen more often. Mutual respect, understanding and compromise is the key.
Funguy: are you drunk :D
Jab khud in-laws banogey jawaab mil jaayega. her cheez ka aik apna apna waqat hota hai aur her sawaal ka jawaab khud apney aap main maujood hota hai sirf zara sochker dekho jo tumhara opinion hai wo tumhara jawaab hai. apni apni zindagi insaan khud banata hai.
In-laws ko khud aqalmand hona chahiyay. And if they are not, it is your RESPONSIBILITY to make them one.
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*Originally posted by Fret Wizard: *
Personaly issues should be kept between the husband and wife. No outside interference is necessary.
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Bingo
Be there for your in-laws.. I am treating them as if they are my own brother and sisters... and my own mother and father in- laws] :~)
So far Wonderful :~)
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*Originally posted by Shirin: *
Just like a woman needs to make sure, in a polite way, that her parents keep out of their marriage, so also a man needs to make sure his parents know where their boundary is.
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Well said Shirin... :)
just like too many cooks spoil the broth... too many people interfering in a husband-wife relationship will only spoil the relationship!
Well theoretically in-laws need to be treated as your own parents at some level but in actuality this is not easy to do. What is the acceptable medium then?
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*Originally posted by Aashi: *
..why is it that once a beta gets married......In Laws still tend to rule and control his life and not let him and his wife do what they want to do?....
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It would be done as long boys are considered assets while girls liabilities ! Just look amount of happiness women have when they have a boy.. when they raise him up they expect a greater hold throughout their lives (parents) .. after marriage they have a fear that his wife will take that hold away and they try to extract extra measures to counter that.. on other hand girls mother want that her girl should be independent and in that struggle might give advice that could be averse to relationships.. but there are always exceptions when parents give a breathing space and gain respect ..
so we have double standards when we deal with our boys and girls after marriage.. its rare to balance relationships.. Ashi it would be intersting if ur dad would had said the same if u were a boy!
^ so true.. :k:
...well ...i think that what happens between a husband and wife is only for them to know about it...in-laws shouldn't meddle..it ain't right...
and since we're on the topic ...
why is it that some parents insist that they're son still live with them after they've gotten married...especially here in the west..? like i mean..he's married ...let him live his life the way he wants with his wife...
joint family systems happened back in the day..and in pakistan. i ain't saying drop cultural traditions or any of that..but i mean ..everyone affords for themselves here...so ..why the joint family still..?
it's just a tad bit annoying..especially since we're so used to our independance...
any thoughts?
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*Originally posted by smilestar: *
...well ...i think that what happens between a husband and wife is only for them to know about it...in-laws shouldn't meddle..it ain't right...
and since we're on the topic ...
why is it that some parents insist that they're son still live with them after they've gotten married...especially here in the west..? like i mean..he's married ...let him live his life the way he wants with his wife...
joint family systems happened back in the day..and in pakistan. i ain't saying drop cultural traditions or any of that..but i mean ..everyone affords for themselves here...so ..why the joint family still..?
it's just a tad bit annoying..especially since we're so used to our independance...
any thoughts?
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There are plenty of differing opinions and thoughts on this issue. Plenty of arguments have broken out. :) You should search back in old threads to read what people think.