Re: In-Laws
Did you ever think that the MANNER in which someone tries to guide a person can influence their reaction? There’s a difference between yelling and telling/explaining. To be honest, kids experience resentment even if their own parents impose things on them or yell at them to do something. The yelling and harsh approach (even by parents) can be counterproductive, the lesson may not be internalized in the proper way, rebelliousness can occur, etc.
The intention behind one’s words is also another issue. While there ARE toxic parents out there…for the most part…parents scold you with intention to make you better; there is usually concern even in their anger, their frustration and criticism has roots in concern. Most parents don’t criticize their children to bring them down or to find pleasure in making them feel inferior.
I’m not saying that ALL mothers-in-law are like that. And there ARE MILS that do treat their bahus like daughters and mean well. But then there are those that criticize with the intention to make the person feel inferior or doubt their self-worth, etc. The intentions may not be in the right place. The dynamics between mother and child…and between one and their in-laws are not the same.
Another thing to consider is frequency. Your parents criticize you and get mad at you…and soon get over it. The relationship calms down, things go back to being normal and pleasant. But for some people, the relationship with their in-laws may ALWAYS be full of criticism and scolding…there is frequent negativity…there’s no healthy balance. Even with parents, extremes are not healthy.
Again, I’m not saying that all MILS are bad, nor am I saying that all DILs are innocent. Relationships require mutual effort and compromise..and most importantly respect.