They have every other year, we went out for dinner during our previous ones arranged by in laws. We celebrated my sister in laws’ ones earlier this year as per usual. My in laws family are very into celebrating special days birthdays and anniversaries etc. It is not like they are the kind who usually forget or are not into such things.
My husband is also super surprised, he decided we wont go to their house this evening and we spent the evening together.
Neither of us have said anything to them.
we see them on the weekend, should I say something? whats the best thing to do from here?
Re: In laws did not acknowledge wedding anniversary
I’m not sure why you would say something? What do you hope to gain by bringing it up? To force them to “wish” you?
As long as you and your husband enjoyed your anniversary, that’s not enough? My in-laws haven’t acknowledged our anniversary the last 2 years and neither one of us ever mentioned it. My anniversary is between me and my husband. While it’s nice for others to acknowledge it, the lack of acknowledgment doesn’t take away any of the joy I share with my husband.
Re: In laws did not acknowledge wedding anniversary
Chances are they might have forgotten but even if they had done it to offend you let it go from your side. Sometimes other people like to see you squirm and keeping calm doesn’t give them the satisfaction. Only bring up anniversary if they mention it. Tell them you two spent a special day together and leave it at that. They don’t owe you a celebration anyway. Don’t ever let them ruin or run how your special days go. If this anomaly becomes a pattern and your special days are pushed aside for other people then you don’t need to attend every function. Treat them how they treat you.
Re: In laws did not acknowledge wedding anniversary
Even if they didn’t forget, it still isn’t a big deal and you shouldn’t say anything to them about it. If your husband wants to bring it up with his parents, then that’s his choice…but I wouldn’t even encourage him to do so. Just stop discussing the forgotten anniversary with him, so that it doesn’t linger in his mind …so that he doesn’t dwell on it either. Save that energy instead for the day your spouse forgets your anniversary.
When you visit them, be happy. Be kind to them. Show them that you don’t want to invest any of your time or energy even dwelling on such petty matters and grudges much less complaining about it to them.
Lastly, hypothetically speaking…even if you did bring it up with them…do you really think they’ll admit it if they did it on purpose? Nope. And from your post it is clear that you don’t believe they forgot because they’ve never forgotten in the past. You already believe that it’s deliberate. So, if they were to tell you either in all honesty …or even…in all dishonesty…that they “forgot,” you still wouldn’t be satisfied. So, there’s no point in bringing it up.
Re: In laws did not acknowledge wedding anniversary
And i always though it happens the other way round. Like the couple takes the initiative and invites the family to celebrate it together.
anyways, i would say be happy about the fact that your in laws arranged for you guys every year instead of getting upset for the one time that they didn’t arrange.
Re: In laws did not acknowledge wedding anniversary
So it’s not that they arranged it every year - everyone would remember and than me and husband would pick a restaurant and we would all go out - anniversaries are a really big deal for my in laws they don’t even forget the most distant relatives of friends anniversary or birthday. My husband I realized was more upset than me because like I said they never forget anything to do with birthdays and anniversaries. Me and my husband don’t really celebrate on our own - it’s not special to us it’s just a huge surprise that no one acknowledged it.
Anyway on the weekend my husband bought it up with my in laws without telling me and turns out mother in law was upset at us for not living at home so she chose to ignore it on purpose. Sigh. I’m upset more because my husband is upset.
Re: In laws did not acknowledge wedding anniversary
Exactly. Like I said earlier, would you or husband be mentally satisfied with MIL’s response? Nope. I’ll give her credit for being honest, but even that honesty of hers didn’t make husband feel better…nor would he have been satisfied if she had lied to him. Bringing the matter up only increased the tension.
Frankly speaking, I find it kinda annoying that they make a big deal out of the anniversaries of even distant relatives…shudders …I’d prefer privacy.
Re: In laws did not acknowledge wedding anniversary
Not to sound harsh but neither your husband OR you are surprised by this right? Haven’t both of you known for months that MIL was upset about the move? Surely in his heart, your husband really didn’t think that MIL forgot the anniversary did he?
If you two plan on living independently and being in control of your own lives, moving forward, be prepared for more emotional blackmail scenarios like this.
Re: In laws did not acknowledge wedding anniversary
I wouldn’t have been surprised if I knew that she was upset about the moving out part.
Obviously you are going to have to pay for that at some point.
Perhaps you might consider supporting your husband to become a bit more independent so that he doesn’t feel the need to have his parents wishing him on every occasion rather than wondering if one or both of you should bring the issue up with the parents.
